


Boys

by starships_x



Category: SARAWATTINE, brightwin - Fandom, เพราะเราคู่กัน | 2gether: The Series (TV) RPF
Genre: 2gether the series - Freeform, Angst, Best Friends, BoyxBoy, BrightWin, Comedy, Exploring Sexuality, Fights, Fluff, Love Triangles, M/M, Pining, RPF, Romance, Sexual Tension, Slash, Slow Burn, cursing, heart flutters, lots of tension, sarawattine - Freeform, what happens during and after filming
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-20
Updated: 2020-07-25
Packaged: 2021-03-02 20:29:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 54,135
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24292888
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/starships_x/pseuds/starships_x
Summary: The logical part of himself argues it was Sarawat’s character in him that urged him to do it. Then that same logical part of him would tell him that he is, in fact, Sarawat. The character came alive through him - his feelings, his actions, his thoughts - they’re a direct mirror of him.(Revamped December 2020)———How Bright and Win began blurring the lines of their friendship.RPF - M/M - what happened during/after filming.
Relationships: Bright Vachirawit Chivaaree & Win Metawin Opas-iamkajorn, brightwin - Relationship
Comments: 117
Kudos: 469





	1. Origin

The world ended on a Friday.

Bright can’t help but wonder why it had to happen on a Friday. The world had no business ending on one of the good days of the week. 

_Why not Monday_ _?_ It would make more sense for the world to end on the shittiest day. Maybe then he would be more prepared, subconsciously or philosophically or whatever the hell its called.

_That guy_.

Bright had noticed his nervous fidgeting from across the room, mostly because he had never seen him before. As he stood in front of him now, Bright couldn’t help but wonder why the boy’s ears only seemed to intensify in redness with every second that he stood in front of him. The boy - Win, he introduced - extended a hand out politely and flashed him a nervous smile while continuing to babble on about work.

Oh, so this was the guy he would be working with for his next role.  _Okay_ _and?_ That doesn’t explain the nervous fidgeting. He's trying really hard to pay attention but his eyes are diverting back to his group and they're walking towards the exit -

His head jerked back towards Win. Did he just hear the word _BL?_  


He waited patiently for Win to explain the joke. There was a bitter taste in his mouth and a weird twist going on in his stomach that only intensified when it never came.  


His eyes skimmed down the 6 foot body standing in front of him.

Did he have to act like he was in love with this giant? He skimmed the boy a second time, choosing to ignore the offered handshake when the intrusive images attacked.  _ P’Aof can’t be serious .  _

It takes far more energy than it needs to but he finally manages to push the words out of his mouth. “Hey.” He gives the puzzled boy a dismissive wave, turning on his heels and walking the opposite direction.

He would deal with this on Monday.

**❂**

Several Mondays later and Bright had already accepted that maybe destiny was playing a crude joke on him after all the chaos he gave his mother growing up.

He felt like he’d just signed his life away.

His whole body was sore thanks to the amount of work he had to do for the day. It wasn’t that he had been slacking or anything like that, but his newly added daily workout routine had his entire body sore in places he didn't even know he could feel from. It didn't help that the scenarios the script demanded of him were becoming increasingly flirtatious. He didn't want to make excuses but hey, some were downright mortifying.

Although nothing quite like the book.

He had to admit - though a bit reluctantly - that the disdain for the role he was playing was faltering. He accredited a big chunk of that to his character role. Sarawat was a carbon copy of himself, down to the hobbies and introvert persona. Of course, he played Sarawat so he _was_ _the_ carbon copy in a nutshell. It was creepy sometimes, reading the book and getting flashbacks of himself doing something Sarawat had done in the book. The only difference, and perhaps the biggest problem he had with this, was that Sarawat was gay, and he was _not_. 

This became quite apparent to the fans after they released the trailer for _2gether._ They had received a decent amount of backlash after the company released the teaser. This pushed all the right buttons on his competitive brain. He didn’t know just how big the industry was until he set foot in it, and the pressure of something so _new_ and so _big_ was proving exhilarating in more ways than one. It was starting to look like an opportunity that just fell into his lap.

This could really help set off his career.

He dropped his backpack off at the kitchen table and went to the fridge. After all that work he had to put in for the day, all he really wanted was a beer.

❂

He found it a funny memory the day he saw Win for the first time after his weight loss. He had lost an impressive 10kg in just one month.  His jawline was more defined, and he was a lot slimmer than he remembered. He had to admit he had this one.

Seeing it was something. Feeling it was a complete different sensation, and he couldn't help but wipe the frown off his face at yet another one of the director’s irritating “Cut!”

This was bad. He could tell the director was losing patience. He had to pull through with this one.

Bright couldn’t help but notice how he could wrap his arms around him completely now - something he wasn’t able to do before. Win was warm and slim and solid between his arms, and he doesn’t know if he sees it clearly, not with the buzzing he feels but he thinks those ears are turning red in front of him, deep brown orbs open wide staring right into his own.

“Cut! You guys need to breathe. You look like mannequins.”

Unfortunately, the rest of the room chose that moment to burst out into cackles. It doesn’t help.

The director had to swap out the scene for a much lighter one, one where Sarawat came to Tine in a dream after receiving an email asking for his help. That was much better.

❂

The day came to a dragging close much the same as Thursday did.

They had finished filming the first few scenes of the series, and everyone had more than enough energy left over for a friendly soccer match. Both staff and actors paired up with each other, splitting them evenly.

Sweat dripped from his hair. Even though it was a cold evening. Almost in the sixties, which was cold for Thailand. Still he felt like he was roasting. He was exhausted, his lungs ached, his thighs burned, and there were bruises forming beneath his shin.

His legs shook as he paced back and forth trying to cool down from his run. He had to resist chugging the water he had waiting for him, knowing that it would only cramp him up. He had already learned that lesson the hard way.

Movement caught his eye and he watched anxiously as Win zeroed in on Bright’s side of the offensive forward in possession of the ball.

 _Fuck_.

The rest of his team didn’t seem to notice that the ball had changed course. Before anyone had time to register what was going on, Win was sprinting towards the goal. His new diet plan didn’t make him any slower as he rushed to score the final point of the game.

Every sensation seemed magnified; the earthy smell of grass, the cold taste of night air, the musky scent of sweat, the shifting of his jersey against his skin, and Win's smile, rushing towards him along with the rest of his team.

Something changed.

❂

Breakfast was a grab-and-go affair set up in the lobby, ready to go as the staff began slowly filtering inside the building-because no self-respecting entertainer ever woke up in time to actually sit down for breakfast before racing off to work. Bright grabbed a sandwich, potato chips and a milk bottle. He ate while walking steadily down the hallway to the meeting room to go over the script for the day. 

Normal day. Normal like every other morning, normal like himself, quiet guy from Nakhon Pathom where everyone had a perpetual tan, personable, friendly, okay to look at but demure enough to never make a scene of himself. Normal enough to blend in with the rest of the staff like he'd always been there. Bright liked it that way-liked being able to just exist and live out the rest of his days without significant notice.

Win was hard to miss, broad shoulders and charcoal hair (and general gorgeousness, not that Bright necessarily took note of this first thing in the morning) aside. He was sitting half concealed by a giant carrot plush toy in his arms and the script spread on the table. 

"Good morning," Win greeted. Bright nodded in his direction and took a seat in front of him. A quick glance around showed him that they were still missing most of the staff. Bright took his seat silently, looking through his phone while munching on his sandwich and occasionally greeting everyone that passed nearby. 

Silence passed between them. Win was getting kind of used to it. At first the silences used to freak him out. Any time Bright was silent when they were on set he felt the crushing awkwardness. Now the silences seemed different, almost pensive even, but they were heavy with unspoken questions.

Bright glanced towards Win. Their eyes met and held each other for an uncomfortable second before their eyes quickly went back to the script and food at hand.

There was this uncomfortable _change_ in their relationship. He couldn't really explain it. Whenever they were together in front of the cameras, it was fine. When it was just them two around, there were these "boundaries" that suddenly appeared. 

Bright found himself looking at Win in a way he had never seen him before. Before the show started filming, he didn't like Win. There was no question about it. He hated loud people, and Win was a loud person, ergo he hated Win.

In fact, Win annoyed the hell out of Bright in the beginning, with his stupid nonsense jokes and his childish behavior.

The company forced him to work with him, since they were working with the same goals - provide entertainment. It had been a simple alliance which he had grudgingly allowed, for the sake of doing what needed to be done.

Though in front of cameras, he could seen Win exactly as Sarawat would see Tine.

It scared him how easily he could do it. It was even scarier when the warm annoying buzzing somewhere inside his ribcage started to happen with the cameras there or not. Little things were niggling at the back of Bright's mind, urging him to open his mind the slightest bit wider. It was something that fought against his instincts.

"Bright?" Win snapped him out of his thoughts, concern clearly evident in his voice.

"Oh, sorry. Just thinking."

Win chuckled softly, around the soft sounds of him settling his chin on the carrot plush. "Anything in particular? You've been staring."

What Bright hadn't realized was that he was doing that.

How very unlike him.

"I was thinking you do look like a rabbit." Win kicked his legs under the desk, shifting a little from side to side. Bright smirked. Win was scowling rather heatedly, and although Bright found the expression to be nothing if not cute, he still felt it was cute in the way that kittens were cute right before they bit your fingers off. Win made an abbreviated huffing noise at that and Bright thought he heard a muttered "Whatever."

To Win's horror, he blushed.

To his surprise, Bright smiled warmly, a faint, fragile tug of lips which looked foreign on his face, as though he was not used to it.

❂

_ He saw a star lit sky, where dozens of stars winked to life, blazing above the cityscape. _

_ And then, a butterfly – twirling its way into oblivion. _

_ And then he was lying on the grass, counting stars with Win. _

_ He did not see his face, but somehow he knew it was him. Turning on his side confirmed it. . _

_ Win turned and leaned in – and pressed his lips tenderly to his. He was filled with an aching sorrow, a longing that had not – and would not abate. _

_ Bright closed his eyes, feeling his emotions wash over him. He kissed him back. _

He woke up, startled and confused and angry all at once. _What the fuck was that?_

❂

Bright liked women.

This was a fact. Something about the variety of hair styles, the mini skirts and sundresses, the curves, the softness, the whirlwinds of pastels and floral scents - he could go on for hours.

He had no doubt that he was as straight as an arrow, as sturdy as a broomstick; strip-pole metal solid straight.

It's not like he did anything weirdly suspicious to make anyone wonder, but still somehow their couple was gaining more and more of a following and certain irritating things were starting to be pointed out.

He didn't understand. He was straight. He thought he had made it as clear as he could without spelling it out for them due to contract clauses. He literally did straight boy things. He liked boxing and playing soccer. He played video games and cursed like a sailor while at it. He'd eat for hours at Korean barbecue and then watch action movies and talked about girls and - 

He sounded ridiculous. He knew better. He couldn't attributethose activities to sexuality, but he doesn’t know another way - how else does he describe it?

The best way he could put it - Win was also straight as an arrow, but he did make him wonder sometimes.

Specifically, the times Win would slide flirty comebacks during their interviews, or the way his fingers lingered on him when they exchanged drinks, or the times he gives him hugs that lasted a second or two longer than normal, and then Bright always has to suppress the strong impulse to pull him a little closer, which he never did, and that was worth noting.

Because he wasn’t a woman, obviously. His body was as sturdy as his, and he was straight.

But then that danm _face._

_Fucking sigh._ It was unfair.

Bright had a routine. Said routine consisted of getting up to his alarm at 7am sharp and grinding imported coffee beans and brewing it strong. It included his morning workout and daily commute to work. Said routine also included a daily good morning text to his girl.

That’s right.  _His girl_. 

Bright doesn’t have the time to think about much else, his plate was already full. Of a relationship. With a  _girl_ , which he  _likes._

Bright took a seat near the middle of the classroom, as close to the windows as he could get.  He relaxed in his seat, satisfied at the conclusion. Yet another one of his internal battles. They were happening more frequently during these breaks.

He heard his voice and instantly traced the sound, finding him chatting happily with Gun over something on his phone, a hand on his leg. 

Bright felt a sudden, immature flutter of jealousy that would have humiliated him at any other time.

He didn't notice his breath hitching in his throat or how he tapped his feet impatiently at the sight. That was his novocaine, to wear his heart on his sleeve. To be an open book.

Win didn't shy away from Gun when his hand landed on his shoulders and remained there longer than it needed to. Gun gave the shoulder a firm squeeze, finishing a sentence he couldn't catch from where he was.

Win grinned up at him and then he laughed, smile beaming to the world and theres a feeling tugging at the back of Bright's neck - a weird fluttering thing is buzzing in his stomach and he can’t help but wonder why his heart beat so fast for someone that most definitely wasn’t his girlfriend, or a  _girl_ , which matters because the very first thing he said was that he was straight. A line, seriously.

He frowned, watching laughter ripple through Win across the room.

There’s an echo of something inside him trying to claw its way out towards Win.

Just like that, another internal battle begins.

No one dared to ask him what’s wrong for the rest of the day because he’s frowning half the time, anyway, and that’s because for once in his life, he had no control. It felt like an inevitable twist was coming, and he wasn't sure he was ready.

He can’t help but think back to that Friday afternoon several moons ago. Turns out the world didn’t end on that Friday.

It just hit reset.


	2. PJs

Bright slowly drove up and down the lanes of parked cars as he desperately tried to find a spot. They were at the mall and it was _packed_. All of the parking spots for as far as he could see were filled with cars. It was a sea of trucks, sedans, vans, and sport cars, and he wasn’t the only one looking for a spot. He tried to avoid the over-zealous men as they drove around with their nagging wives.

He knew he shouldn’t have trusted Gigie. As soon as Gigie had said that they needed one car Bright should have guessed where they were going. It was the weekend, for Fuck’s sake. He couldn’t believe Gigie dragged him there.

After knowing each other for the past two years and working together in the same company, they had developed a solid friendship. Gigie was his confidant when it came to solving issues with Nevvy - she always helped him understand the other perspective. She was always there to help him, and he returned the favor. Gigie was a very secretive person, much like himself, except there were no secrets between them. She was the little sister he never thought he needed.

Bright and Gigie got out of his car. Bright glanced at the direction of the mall. The huge, three-story building loomed above them. If it was this packed outside, he could only imagine how it looked inside.

He turned to Gigie. “You ready?”

Gigie gave him a wry grin. “Are _you_ ready?”

“Why the fuck are we even _here_?” asked Bright as they were passed by a screaming toddler, his face pinched and red when his parents denied him a candy from a passing group of dressed up clowns singing out of tune. He glanced at them all in dismay.

“Because,” Gigie began to explain as they pushed their way past a group of teenagers. “I need your help,”

Bright glanced over at his friend in confusion. “Yeah, you said that, but for what?” Gigie was making a straight beeline for a store. It was a party store full of decorations and party lights. “My birthday party. I haven’t gotten _anything_ to decorate.” Bright rolled his eyes as they got near it. They spent the next hour packing their shopping cart with decorations. Bright sighed in relief when she was finally paying, but instead of walking back towards the exit, Gigie went straight to another store. Hot pink everywhere, little stuffed dogs, and gorgeous models. Victoria’s Secret. “Seriously…you woke me up for this?”

“Come on, I need to get something for Nanan and _you_ need to help me.”

Bright shook his head in disbelief. “I thought it was _your_ birthday.”

“It is but… I want to get her something too.”

Bright blinked, “I didn’t realize it was serious…”

“It’s not exactly _serious_ …” Gigie shrugged. “But, I dunno, we’re _something_. We’ve been hanging out a lot and ever since we met… I dunno, I just think she’s awesome. She plays video games, watches weird shows with me, pigs out when we go out to eat… she’s even met my parents. She’s pretty cool, Bright.”

They entered the store. Half-naked models showed off their gorgeous bodies in barely-there underwear in a store that was so pink it made Bright’s eyes hurt. Gigie seemed to know what she was looking for. She walked towards the back and started flipping through the lingerie. “I’ve already gotten her some jewelry,” said Gigie. Bright gave her a confused look. “Er, nothing too fancy, .. Just these little studs I saw her check out. But I wanted to get her something else to wear with them.”

Gigie grabbed the hot pink bag from the salesgirl and they exited the store. “So,” continued Gigie as they walked out. “Are we gonna talk about it?”

“Talk about what?” asked Bright as he almost ran into a woman pushing a stroller full of bags from various stores. He mumbled an apology. “Your birthday?”

“No,” said Gigie. “About what happened between you and Nevvy.”

Bright sighed. So, it was finally brought up. “Um, nothing.”

“Nothing?” Gigie gave Bright a sly grin. “Come on, something went down. You’ve been so tense lately and I barely hear from you now. You guys fighting again?”

“Uh-”

Gigie held up her hand. “Hold up. This needs to be discussed over a cinnamon roll.” Bright rolled his eyes. “It’s tradition.” Gigie led them over to the food court. They had to fight through the crowd to get to the cheesy-looking stand that sold fresh cinnamon rolls. They grabbed two huge cinnamon rolls that dripped with icing and took a seat as far away from the sounds of children screaming and crying that they possibly could. “Okay,” Gigie said. “Resume.”

Bright picked at the cinnamon roll with a bright red fork. “Um…she just…you know. Not exactly happy with this situation - the show. Last night she came over and she looked so fucking upset. We only talked for like, a split fucking second, and then, um…”

Gigie watched him carefully. “And then…?”

“I don’t know. It feels different. I don’t feel like talking about it though.” He knew he would tell her eventually, but right now he wasn’t sure he had words to describe what was happening. Bright wasn’t sure himself.

“Alright, alright, I won’t pry” said Gigie, giving in. She shoved a couple more mouthfuls of the cinnamon roll into her mouth before she changed the subject. “So, uh…what did you get me for my birthday?”

Bright laughed. Gigie always knew how to get him out of a mood. “Are we doing that again this year?”

“What?” Gigie asked, feigning surprise. “You mean you even question it?”

“Hell yeah I do,” said Bright with another laugh. “And I dont believe you got me something this early in the year.”

“You better. Because I got you something totally sick.”

“If it’s porn again, I’ll kill you.”

❂

It's cold and damp outside, and every step is like walking through a cloud. The moisture in the air clings to his eyelashes. The mist cloaks the stadium and diffuses the midday sun into a smoky sheen. It looked like rain was coming. Bright isn't paying attention to any of that though. He is more focused on not slipping on the steps underfoot. When was the last time he'd come to an actual soccer game? Actually, come to think of it... he can't actually remember the last time he'd been _outside._

So, he supposes that answers that question.

**_Hurry. He's up there._ **

Bright tenses up at the sudden _terrifying_ thought that someone _else_ is waiting for him further up the stadium seats. He is much better at dealing with people nowadays, but only when he has to. Only at meetings or public functions, and that is a skill he's been _forced_ into learning. This time there were no cameras, no acting excuses, just two friends that have already hung out before...but _with others present._

This time it would be just them.

He turns on his heel.

He cannot possibly do this. Not even — not when he knows absolutely fuck all about what he's supposedly here for.

He's comfortable in his boring routine. At least he _knows_ what to expect.

_Since when have you ever been a coward? Come on, I'm sure you'll be fine._

Bright pauses. This encouragement stirs some confidence in him that straightens his spine and shoves back his worries (for the time being at least). He turns back, spurred on by his own curiosity. He finds Win’s face in the distance and catches him looking around the stadium.

He freezes at the sight of him.

The musician was intentionally more than thirty minutes late, but Win had apparently waited him out.

 _Great..._ So much for hoping Win would have given up and left already. No chance of avoiding the other actor then. Bright wasn't sure if he was disappointed or relieved.

Hands still planted deeply in his pockets, Bright made the rest of the way up the steps unhurriedly. Win was dressed in a black long sleeve top and loose fitting black pants _._ Bright hadn't seen Win dressed quite so casually before, but he carried the look off well, the dark fabric contrasting nicely with his pale skin and setting off his dark hair and eyes.

Bright’s lips pinched slightly when he realized he'd been unconsciously appreciating the other boy’s form. Crap... he was such an idiot.

Bright has no idea why he accepted this game invitation in the first place.

“Hey,”

“Hey,” Win looked surprised and out of place, “I didn’t think you were coming.”

He vaguely remembered the exact date, but somewhere along the time they filmed Tine’s cheerleading scene in the first half of the show he had started a mental list of things he found cute about Win. He only did this because it helped him perform better as Sarawat, helped him get more into character. The shocked expression currently on his face was on it.

“What’s up?” asked Win. “I haven’t heard from you in a couple days.”

“Nada,” answered Bright. “I've been enjoying my time off by doing absolutely nothing. You?”

“Nothin’,” said Win. The crinkling of feet on the metal seats could be heard in the background. “I just got this game. Just came out. FIFA? You heard of it?”

Bright’s mind was blank. “Yeah,”

“Cool,” commented Win. Awkward silence passed between them. Bright can't help but feel immensely anxious about it. It was much easier when there were others to throw into the dragging conversation. It was a lot harder now, he wasn't sure how lightly he should thread in this manner.

But he came because he knows the script will just get bolder — because they both have to get over the awkward air between them. He's simply befriending the enemy. He is more intrigued than angry about it now.

“Want a drink or something?” asked Win, tearing Bright away from his thoughts.

“Uh, sure,” he said.

Win turned around and opened the small travel cooler on his seat, pulled out two beers and tossed one to Bright. They twisted off the tops and each took a gulp of the bubbly liquid. They both finished their beers in silence, placing the empty bottles back in the portable cooler.

They had fallen into another awkward silence.

“So…want to come over? We can chill and play the game.”

Bright took a deep breath. “Come over?”

“Yeah.”

“At your house?”

“Uh, yeah,” Win repeated. “It’ll be cool.”

“I promised my girlfriend I would take her out.”

Girlfriend. Win hadn’t heard about that. An ice-cold chill settled over him that was definitely not from the weather. It made it hard for him to concentrate on what Bright was saying because now all Win could think about was the fact that Bright had a girlfriend. In some way, shape, or form, Bright was seeing somebody else and it _bothered_ him. It shouldn’t matter to him but it did. It made his stomach twist like someone had a hold of his insides.

“Oh, sorry... I didn't know.” said Win. He folded his arms and looked around. Bright nodded and glanced at him. Their eyes met and they both stared at each other. So many thoughts flitted through their mind that they couldn’t keep them straight. "It's okay. I wanted to come." Bright murmured, feeling a bit guilty and pushing back at the questions going over his head.

Win laughed after a couple of silent seconds, “This feels fucking weird, doesn’t it?”

Bright was beginning to realize that Win was the type of guy that wasn’t afraid to say what was on everyone’s mind, even if it was totally uncomfortable.

Bright laughed, the sound coming out forced. “Uh, yeah.”

Little drops of rain splashed on their forehead. "Shit," Win shifts awkwardly, his hand raising to his forehead to protect himself from the rain. His face had that concerned look that was dangerously close to a pout. That was going to his top 10.

Bright doesn't know why, but he's blushing and shifting a little closer to him, hand grabbing the bottom of his jacket and raising it over both their heads. He didn’t even think about the implications of what he was doing - he was simply helping his coworker out. He was so close a tendril of Win's hair was touching the side of his face. Win's fresh scent invaded his senses and his hands clenched the fabric of his jacket harder. It took every bit of conscious effort not to pull Win closer into him for better rain cover. Win had a thankful smile on his face as he tried to focus on the soccer game, refusing to look in Bright’s direction as his cheeks colored. Win could feel warmth radiating beside him. His heart betrayed him as it began to pound faster.

❂

Just as he was getting used to being under the collective microscope of the Asian continent, things take a very unexpected turn.

The show had far surpassed the threshold of views they were expecting. His social media following had jumped to the millions within weeks. With that came a very sudden, very unexpected amount of fame that Bright wasn’t quite sure he liked yet, let alone get use to.

He had been warned about how this could happen, but it still comes as a shock to him when it finally does. Maybe because _it_ blows up to be much bigger than he thought previously possible.

_It_ doesn’t come in the form of fame as he had been expecting, although that was a crucial variable in the equation. Instead, _it_ came in the form of waves crashing down on him one after the other, dragging him under before he can take a full breath and prepare for the next. 

_It_ comes in the form of videos about him and his eyes, and the not-so-subtle looks he gives Win. _It_ came in the drama, and the stories people made about him. _It_ came in the ever repeating fights of jealousy and insecurity tormenting his previously tranquil relationship. _It_ came in the form of him following a sex account. In him being accused of hiding his girlfriend. In her being accused of being racist. In him somehow taking the blame for her actions. And then _It_ came down with its tallest, heaviest wave - China banning 2Gether over some rumors she retweeted of the new virus being made by China.

His days of parading peacefully across Thailand seemed to be over.

He struggles to understand how something could create both such perfectly controlled bliss and chaos simultaneously.

Nevy knew him, more so than anyone he could ever imagine, so she doesn’t get defensive when he crosses his arms in front of her and stares at her expectantly. By now she was used to it. He generally loved to argue - something about the act stroked the competitive side of him - but he doesn’t think he’ll find much joy in this situation. His annoyance was proving rather difficult to hide after getting yelled at by P’Aof. The raging emails and tweets didn’t help.

Bright doesn’t yell but he does shoot a glare at her direction and asks her to explain herself because they had most definitely talked about this before. The logical part of him was always the nicest part of him, so he relaxes a little and exhales a long breath. “Explain.”

This she does, he believed her. 

He did so because he knew her more than anyone else did, and he knew she wasn’t a bad person. There was nothing they could do at this point but let the waves continue crashing down until the force behind them stopped, and he hoped the attacks ended sooner than later. He truly believed -aside from the China situation- that the rest of them were being blown over proportion due to his climbing social status. 

He pulls her in for a hug, giving her a chaste peck on the lips. It isn’t much, they had been together long enough that the need for physical validation wasn’t as strong as the beginning. The realization hits him with less force than anticipated, because he realizes now that these moments between them were getting few and far in between. He knows deep inside this should be alarming, but Bright hates to think about these things.  


The images that flood his thought stream after he pulls away came more of a shock to him. It comes in yet another wave, but different. This one doesn’t crash on him, doesn’t suffocate him. Instead it washes over him, and he’s floating. 

He can feel it clearly, the buzzing on his lips, the thrumming in his rib cage. This doesn’t happen because he kissed his girlfriend.

This wave comes in the form of Win and the way his big brown eyes looked at him in shock when he kissed him as a drunken Sarawat. His blood rushes upwards as he vividly recalls the day on set. They had kissed ten times much the same way he just kissed her yet it felt completely different.  
  
He felt the flutter of a butterfly wing in his stomach.

He shakes himself out of it. He has learned to accept that this  _just_ happens, and that it was far more torture to ponder than not.

❂

She woke up with a start, her fingers white against the dark sheets; a cold sweat on her forehead. Another dream.

She hastily pulled her phone from under the pillow and against her best judgment, she watched all the videos she promised herself she wouldn’t see.

She really should have known that the moment she did that, something bad would happen. She ought to have sensed, at the very moment she watched them and saw Win nervously staring at her boyfriend, that Bright would never be just hers to keep anymore.

It was the way he stared right back at him that undid her. His gaze was so tender and she'd seen him look at her with such an extreme emotion burning in his dark eyes before.

That was when she had her first inkling that Win had started to take over her place in Bright's life. That was when the thought first surfaced. It was also the first time she tried, in all desperation, to ignore the insecurity that was gnawing at her stomach.

It wasn’t the last time she would find herself pushing it to the back of her mind, desperate to ignore the feeling.

❂


	3. Problems

Bright didn't understand how some people hated to be alone. He didn't think he ever could, not when he enjoyed his own company so much. He found comfort in mystery, guessing games and riddles that took time to crack but - he wasn’t a people person.

Since he wasn’t a people person, he was even less a people pleaser. This was something he didn’t bother to hide, for the most part.

He had to admit though, that lately he was getting used to the chaos that had become his life. Work had become a lot more active, and so had his overall routine. He had started enjoying the company of other breathing beings other than himself. In slow increments, it was bearable. Enjoyable even. He didn’t make up excuses to miss parties anymore, or brunch dates with the crew. He figures it's best getting used to sooner than later.

This didn’t mean he turned on a switch and magically became a social person. He still needed the breaks, needed the silence to recharge; so it had become quite the tradition of his to eat his lunch alone and undisturbed away from prying eyes. Something that had been working perfectly fine for a few months, until recently.

Bright liked his lunch spot. It was by no means the largest tree the office had in the patio, but that was precisely why he liked it. It was big enough to provide enough shade for him and him alone, maybe someone else if they squeezed with him, and while that didn’t completely stop the unexpected interventions and occasional unwanted commentary, it granted him his own personal bubble. And the best part - the _ladybugs_.

He was sitting in said lunch spot, admiring the lush grass beneath him and enjoying the company of said insect when he arrived.

He did so much the same way he had the day before, dashing through the patio, script crunched up between his arms, panting and collapsing next to him beneath the little tree.

“Are you running away from someone or running so you don’t have to be running away from someone?” Bright doesn’t look up from the little insect crawling on his fingertips, making sure it remained undisturbed from the commotion.

He didn’t write it down on his calendar or anything, but today marks 3 weeks in a row of spending lunch time together. 

Win breathed out a chuckle, smoothing down the crumpled pages of his script flat on the ground between his legs, “I don’t know, I didn’t look back”

Bright placed the lady bug on top of his jeans. Win noticed the tiny red spot crawling on his legs. “What’s it’s name?”

Win blinked at him expectantly, because that was a perfectly logical thing to ask.

Bright stared at him for several heartbeats before he decided to play along, holding back a smile on his otherwise composed poker face. “I haven’t named it yet.”

“It should have a name.” Win said in all seriousness.

His eyes rested on his face, admiring the way his rosy lips formed a permanent pout and the way they displayed his pearly white teeth in their relaxed state.

His lips tugged upwards and he didn't stop them. “Alright then, what should we name it?”

Win paused, eyes lost in thought and diverting to the sky. “How about...” he turned back to him, “Lisa?”

Bright gasped, “Did you just assume it’s gender?”

Win’s smile faltered and he gave him a wounded look. 

He smirked before he continued to explain, “Red ladybugs are male. Come on man we learned this shit in like 3rd grade.” He teased.

“That was a long time ago” Win looked down, cheeks slightly puffed. “Who ever said boys can’t be named Lisa, anyway?”

“Idiot” he said warmly, “Now you need to apologize to him.” He tried his best to pull a poker face, failing miserably. Win shifted on his knees and bended down in front of him, bowing his head and apologizing to the tiny insect.

Win raised his face, those deep brown orbs met his and drew him in. Win’s entire body froze, the musician was so _close._

Bright knows in that moment there isn’t one, but a _dozen_ butterflies in his stomach. They all fluttered their wings at the same time.

Bright cleared his throat, and the bubble bursts. Win’s gaze left his and he shuffled back into the area next to him. Bright placed the lady bug on a piece of grass between them, turning to Win when he spoke.

“How about...” Win bit down the giant lump forming in his throat and tried to break away some of the tension by acting like whatever _that_ was didn’t happen, “Saratine?”

Bright gave him a puzzled look. _Oh_ , right. _The lady bug._

“Okay, Saratine it is.” They sat back against the tree, enjoying the cool breeze and turning their focus on Saratine gorging down a piece of grass. It’s not until they felt the warmth of the sun crawl up on their legs that they finally decided to go back inside.

❂

He would be lying to himself if he said he wasn’t nervous.

It had something to do with the blinding lights that felt too bright for the room when he preferred darkness and dim lights, or the small phone sitting in front of them on the tripod currently recording them on live, so that any mistake, any word, any little touch and glance, will be recorded and shared forever. Or maybe it’s the 12 thousand viewers currently excruciating his every move, recreating their own version of what they see to later share with the world.

Maybe it was a mix of all three.

He shook his hands and exhaled a breath he didn't know he was holding. He gave Win a quick glance to his left, noticing he was fidgeting his fingers and breathing out slowly. Woody had asked them to perform a scene, the one where Tine finally opened up about his feelings for Sarawat. To top it off, they had to switch roles, and he had to perform as Tine.

Woody allowed them to modify what they said, they just had to try their best to perform the scene itself. 

“Closer guys! Get closer.” Bright shuffled forward nervously, knees touching the other boy's.

Win took the lead.

“Do you think I can stop this feeling?” This were the lines he remembered reciting, dark eyes focusing on him. 

They both breathed in and tried concealing their nervousness.

“And do you think I can? Even in my dreams, I see you...” He doesn’t only see him, he kissed him in one, too. “Won’t you take any responsibility?”

Win broke eye contact first, his eyes darting down before jerking back up. His ears had turn a vibrant hue of pink.

“I can’t pretend to flirt with you anymore” Win’s voice was low, but he could hear him clearly. “From now on, I will flirt for real.”

Win broke out a nervous smile and raised the wrong hand over his face. Which was perfect, because next thing he did was bat the hand away, which made Woody burst into laughter, helping break the tension squeezing between them. Win breathed out a chuckle. He continued, “Can we try to learn more about each other? You don’t have to love me, just-“

Bright felt his stomach coiling nervously and interrupted him, a shiver crawling up his spine.

“I can’t-“ He shook violently, goosebumps erupting from his skin.

All three of them broke out laughing, but a small part of him felt the need to clarify.

“In the series, he never pursued me. I was always the one who pursued.” He laughed.

Woody smiled “Tine’s character is such a cutie.”

Bright agreed with him, turning to Win and letting his eyes trace over his face. He didn't hide his smile.

“How about you Win? How was that?” Woody asked.

“It was difficult. I need to do more homework for Sarawat. Can’t compare with Bright” Win patted his knees proudly to congratulate him.

“I can’t be as cute as you” he replied, looking away from the younger boy and into the camera phone.

Woody told them that the fan questions were coming up, and both of them relaxed back into the couch.

They each took turns trying to embarrass the other, Bright teasing him about being cute, and Win complimenting his lips, shocking him when he blatantly told the world his lips made him want to kiss.

He answered as honestly as he _could_. The type of questions the fans asked were pretty similar in nature, so he had already answered them in one way or another, making the next few minutes a breeze.

Bright had already been told, so it came as no surprise to him when Woody asked him to sing his new song. Regardless of the heads up, he still felt his stomach doing backflips with nervous excitement. He really loved to sing, but the big audience still got to him.

He didn't really dwell on it, instead he grabbed his guitar from the side of the couch he was sitting on and started strumming through the strings.

Woody had been staring through his screen, eyes glued on both him and Win when they started to sing.

Bright felt comfort when Win’s voice picked up, singing along with him to the lyrics. His confidence grew when their voices synchronized, a euphony of low and high tones filling the air.

It felt intimate, and Bright knew it had something to do with the lack of duo experience under his belt.Singing was something he preferred to do alone, but he allowed himself to enjoy the unexpected warmth.

It was a familiar feeling, reminded him of one he got with Nevy years ago.

He stole a glance at Win, his eyes were beaming and he broke out a wide smile for Bright.

He turned his attention back to the instrument in his arms, smiling.

For a moment, he forgot about Woody, the cameras, and the bright lights shining down on him. He was blinded by a prettier smile.

❂

They had a regimen when it came to these things.

Of course, this regimen came to be after the director pretty much forced them to meet each other before events. Something about Win helping Bright be on time, or something.

They would meet an hour before any event or show, sharp. If time allowed, they went for dessert.

Then it was game on, and they went through whatever schedule the hosts had for them, having as much fun as possible despite the numerous cringe-worthy activities some demanded.

And lastly, they would drive home with Win singing along to a variety of music genres. He would dance with his upper body as he sang along to some of his favorite songs, his face with a seemingly permanent smile as he sang along.

They were in the middle of phase 3, Bright pretending to look absentmindedly out the passenger window, focusing on Win’s reflection in it.

This guy - Bright thinks - he had his way of talking and moving like he existed outside the sphere of society. Like he had already transcended it without ever having to experience it. It was cool. Bright knew from personal experience how draining society could be. He still let it get to him, but Win never did and it showed.

They arrived not too long after, taking their shoes off and entering the warm new apartment. He didn't bother turning the light on, preferring the soothing darkness and the dim moonlight coming from the windows. 

Bright plopped down on the couch and turned on his gaming system all while letting Win go find his practice guitar. He had bought it after realizing learning guitar would be a crucial step for his role. Bright had offered to bring it home to tune it one day and he always forgot to bring it back. The coincidence was strangely odd and Win colored despite remembering this was Bright, not Sarawat. They were just very similar.

Win finally just requested to come grab it himself after work. For some odd reason, having Win invade his very personal space was making his heart react in ways it shouldn't be reacting. Bright swears he’s used to it at this point, but the redness reaches his face, anyway, betraying his otherwise cool exterior.

"Alright I got it. I'm heading back now, it's really late."

“Alright, text me when you get home? So I know nobody kidnapped you or something.” Bright said, eyes shying away from the other's gaze. Win grinned at him.

“Alright...” Win trailed off. "We should try singing again sometime."

Bright was going to have to take himself to court and have his body tried for treason.

"Okay."

"Okay," Win smiled and waved him from the front door. "See you on Monday." 

"See you then." Bright slid back against the couch when the door clicked shut, back to his TV screen and unfortunately not into the frame of mind to watch it anymore.


	4. Confusion

The day goes by a blur. Bright hustled from work to Nevy’s house, a headache building from the stress he was feeling.

First, he had to deal with Nevy returning from her holiday with her friends. She didn’t show up on Tuesday so he figured she stayed an extra day. He hadn’t even thought about it again until that morning. Second, he would have to skip his practices this week for damage control. She was on edge for the past few weeks, constantly asking him questions doubting his loyalty.

Things felt off with her lately. They hadn’t spoken at all on Tuesday, even when he had messaged her early that morning. When they were with friends, she would act cool and joke around with him but when it was just them two, it was mostly silence.

He pulled up into her drive way, smoothing down his shirt as he got out of his car and made his way to her door. She opens the door seconds after he knocks.

“What’s up you butt?” She asked, stepping to the side to let him in and closing the door behind her.

She arched one perfectly plucked eyebrow in his direction, a disdained expression on her face. She pulled open a binder and picked out some assignments, placing it on a corner of the desk in the living room.

“A lot of work” he grumbled, dropping down on the couch.

“I bet. It’s all you do lately.” she said, her voice clipped.

Bright glanced at her sharply. They hadn’t seen each other for all of 5 seconds and she already managed to complain about something. This was becoming a recurring thing.

“Nevy,” started Bright as he turned towards her. She kept her eyes staring straight ahead but he could tell from her tense body language that she was listening. “Look, I’m sorry that I’ve been so busy, but you haven’t exactly been trying, either, okay? I get it. You’re mad, but this is for the best in the long run. I finally made it, I can finally get my mother her own house and get my music out there. I can have an impact. We shouldn’t have to fucking fight like this.”

“Easy for you to say.” She said, but her voice wavered.

Bright was getting really irritated, even more so at how he felt. He didn’t like seeing her mad like this, he didn’t like the way it made him him about himself. “Vee,” he said carefully. Her expression softened slightly, but she still didn’t look at him. “Maybe I can take you to dessert? So we can talk?”

She turned and looked at him, “Really?”

He nodded, “Yes.”

She bit her lip and looked at him tentatively, “This doesn’t mean I forgive you.”

He smiled at her, getting up from the couch and walking towards her. He pulled her in for a hug and pulled her up, laughing when she balled up her hands and hit his chest repeatedly.

She smiled back at him. For now, she would try to lock up her insecurity inside the mental confines of her brain. Perhaps she had seen too many videos.

❂

They talked about how the baking shops were really cute, and how easily the cake batter ice cream melted in their mouth.

She asked for the reason he'd been playing his guitar more often. He all but shrugged; shooting her a smile he felt didn’t belong on his face. It was a borrowed smile, and it wasn’t his own.

Somehow the earlier delight and jokes had vanished the moment she mentioned he should write her a song.

He supposed they came to a silent agreement that he wouldn’t be mentioned.

But they both knew that he would be thinking about him, inevitably.

❂

Bright walked to the meeting room to wait for everyone to arrive. He was extra early today as his girlfriend was using his car to run errands. He knew he had some more damage control to do when he saw his coworker today.

Bright saw that he wasn’t alone when Win emerged from the bathroom a few minutes later. Bright gave him a tentative smile and a quiet greeting. Win didn't respond. Bright wasn't even sure he'd heard him.

He knew Win was mad at him. He had missed an entire week of practice and the lack of script running beforehand was staring to show on screen. Bright couldn’t help it - he had to spend all week with his girlfriend. He didn’t own Win anything, so he didn’t know why he was so angry about it. Still, he felt kind of bad. Win probably felt more comfortable when they went through the script beforehand, something he preferred as well.

"Did you get breakfast?" Bright asked quietly as he walked beside him.

No answer.

"I could have some brought if you'd prefer."

Still no answer. Win was still staring blankly, anywhere but at the musician. Bright's voice hummed through him, like water on parched earth. He understood that Bright didn’t exactly sign a contract with him but the least he could do was let him know he wasn’t going to show up to their practices, instead of letting him wait without notice.

Bright's jaw tensed and he shrugged silently into his jacket. _Patience,_ he told himself. _Patience._

"I'll have some saved for you, when you're ready," he said finally after a moment, he sighed quietly when Win still offered no response. He wanted to shake Win but knew he would probably get punched in the face if he did.

“Let’s catch up on the script today? We can meet at the gym.” Bright said, changing tact as he adjusted his tie.

Win's eyes flickered to him ever so briefly in question.

Good. Curiosity was good. Bright started to leave, but Win's faint voice stopped him.

"Why?" the inquiry was soft, maybe a little puzzled. Underneath the simple question, he was asking about more than just why Bright wanted to meet him later, he was wondering why on earth the musician was trying so hard to make nice with him.

Bright missed the undercurrent, but he gave Win a quiet, mysterious little smile. "Just meet me there. You'll see."

The musician slid out of the room, hoping that curiosity at least would be enough to get Win to show up. The gym was closed for the day and there would be no one around. Bright was frustrated beyond belief with his relationship, and Win was angry enough they could both use what he was planning. Maybe he could find a way to kill two birds with one stone…

❂

Win shoved his hands into his jean pocket. Given that Bright had asked to meet at 8PM... Win was sure that _this_ was where Bright had intended for them to meet. He was proved correct when he saw the musician sparring a punching bag in the corner of the gym. He quickly locked the school gym door behind himself to avoid any trouble. There was a large, open area covered in sparring mats back there and the gym lights were off, the only source of light coming from the windows was the moonlight.

Hands still planted deeply in his pockets, Win made his way towards the back of the empty gym unhurriedly, his gaze fixing on Bright as he approached. He was dressed in a black tank-top and loose fitting black pants, which looked like the lower half of a traditional martial arts uniform _._

Bright was focused on the punching bag. Once he saw him, he walked towards him.

"You're late," Bright commented. He let his arm drop back to his side. "I was waiting for you." Bright's gaze swept over Win's state of dress briefly. "Jeans aren't good, they're too constricting for a beginner," he added.

Win un-pocketed his hands and crossed his arms, but it was a defensive gesture as much as a defiant one, as if Win was trying to pull into himself. "Too constricting for a beginner _what_?" he replied coolly. "You said come, I came. I didn't say I was going to do anything here," he pointed out.

Bright knew Win was being intentionally difficult and kept a careful hold of his patience. If Win was up to being irritating, that was a good sign, right?

"A beginner _boxer_ ," Bright replied in an equally cool, if less abrasive tone. "You've got a lot to learn, admittedly, but I can teach you."

Win almost choked on an incredulous snort. _"Excuse me?”_

Bright circled him slowly, looking him up and down as if considering him, bare feet completely soundless on the tile floor. “Boxing,” he repeated with a dead pan face.

He paused behind Win, his breath gently brushing the back of the younger boy's neck.

Win repressed the small shiver that Bright's breath on his skin caused and kept his breathing carefully regulated.

The musician paced around in front of Win again so he could face him, and Win was a little relieved to not have him breathing down his neck anymore. Not because it hadn't been pleasant... but rather, because it _had_ been.

"I'm curious," Bright admitted, watching Win and gauging his reactions. He wasn't sure Win was ready to show interest in his boxing hobby just yet, but Bright was ready to be persistent. He figured the best way of squashing this tension was with punches against the primary source.

Bright stepped back onto the practice mats. "Take off your shoes," he said to Win as he turned back to face him again.

Win seemed a little thrown by the sudden shift in conversation and looked at Bright, irritated at being ordered around. "No," he said simply, a bit incredulously, not getting what Bright intended.

Bright shrugged, pushing the long strands of loose hair away from his face and tucking them back behind his ears. "Suit yourself. You'll never touch me anyway, so I suppose it doesn't matter." There was definite, almost intentional arrogance in the words this time.

Win was about to say he'd had enough and walk away, when suddenly he found himself flying forwards, knocked off his feet and sent sprawling hard onto the sparring mats. The cushions absorbed his fall and it didn't really hurt, but he sprang quickly back to his feet, twirling around to glare at Bright.

"Hey! What the hell are-"

Before Win could finish, Bright had swooped forward and preformed a graceful side-kick that caught the younger boy in the knees and sent him sprawling back on the mats again.

Okay, that time it hurt. . Win's arm curled briefly around his backside as he rolled quickly back to his feet again. But despite the pain, Bright hadn't really kicked him with enough force to do damage. This time, Win came up in a defensive posture, arms up, feet spread and body tense as he visually tracked Bright, eyes blazing. "I thought you said boxing."

“It’s a free spar now.” Bright smirked. "I had _thought_ maybe you could use the exercise and release as well. But if you don't care, and all you want to do is be my punching dummy..." Bright was fluidly in motion again, striking out in a blazingly quick series of jabs aimed at Win's head. Win blocked and side-stepped but Bright easily got inside his defenses with another shove and sent Win sprawling back on his butt again.

"That's fine by me too." Bright gave Win a cool, taunting smile as he stood over him, looking relaxed, unguarded and provocatively full of himself.

Jaw clenched in silent fury, Win lunged up, striking out at Bright in a forceful, unskilled flurry of jabs designed to drive him backwards. Win was a novice at settling disagreements with his fists. With Bright he held back nothing, going after him with the full brunt of his speed and strength.

Win knew better than to assume that Bright's relaxed stance meant he was actually vulnerable and he was right. Bright blocked his attack, catching Win's jabs with his forearms. Win pressed forward, hooking a heel behind Bright's ankle and jerking forward at the same time he aimed a cross-punch at his face. Bright moved away.

Win followed without breaking stride, delivering a back-kick that Bright dodged. Win kept his feet and his fists moving, frustrated as hell with his inability to land contact on the smirking brunette, but going after his opponent with an unparalleled intensity anyway. "You shit!" Win hissed as he lashed out.

Bright smiled, and although it was still taunting, it was also genuine. Win was pretty good. True, Bright was mostly defending, not making that much effort to strike back, but the younger boy was making him work more than he'd expected in order to keep any of the other boy's blows from landing. He was probably going to make Bright break a sweat.

"No...? You're not making a very convincing case for that..." the musician goaded. Bright gave a quick cross-cut which Win managed to deflect. The musician followed it up with a swift jab to the shoulder and the younger boy spun sideways, just keeping his balance. 

Win aimed a side-punch at the musician's middle, but Bright caught Win's hand and twisted, sending Win tumbling off balance and flipping him back to the mat.

Win's hair clung to the perspiration slicking his brow as he yet again rolled swiftly back to his feet. He'd taken a few good hits now, but he was seething and far too engaged to notice anything but his very intense desire to wipe the smugness off of Bright's face. He missed his muscles more than anything.

"You keep hiding behind your defense and I'm going to think you're afraid to fight me man to man..." Win turned the taunting tables this time, his furious voice just slightly roughened from the increased pace of his breathing.

Bright knew exactly what he was doing and raised an eyebrow dryly as they circled each other slowly. "We'd need two men for that, wouldn't we?" his tone was condescending. Bright was pleased when Win didn't take the bait and attack in hasty anger, although he saw the younger boy's jaw compress a little tighter as he continued circling, looking for an opening.

"Yeah, that's true... sorry, didn't mean to hurt your feelings," Win snarked, turning the barb around. He lunged and there was a swift, rapid exchange of blocked blows and kicks before Bright deliberately downed Win with another punch.

Win had some trouble breathing when he came up this time, dragging himself back to his feet a little slower. He wished more than anything he had those 10 pounds he lost back. His body was feeling weaker than he was used to and he could feel his muscles tensing with every second that passed. He glared coldly at Bright, resisting the aching urge to rub his sore ribs as he watched the musician warily. "Guess it shouldn't really surprise me that you don't know _how_ to fight fair," he muttered.

Bright gave a small shrug. "Speaking of fair, you're still wearing your shoes." The musician rubbed his arm where he'd deflected one of Win's kicks.

Never taking his eyes off Bright, Win wordlessly slid off his shoes and kicked them aside. Apathy was definitely a thing of the past, Win was far too worked up and engaged now, and the endorphins and adrenaline pumping through him felt good. He needed this. He _needed_ to be able to lash out against life. Bright was a handy target... and... a safe one.

Bright inclined his head slightly. "All right, I tell you what. I _won't_ just defend anymore." The musician laid down the rules with an open invitation and challenge. Bright was sure that Win would become tired of getting his ass kicked fairly quickly and rise to the challenge.

Anger could be a powerful motivator. Win had relied on it a lot in the past, and it would help now. Even though it inwardly cut Bright to know that Win’s anger for him was the only motivation.

Bright's eyes dilated as the scent of Win’s cologne mixed with body's natural smell hit him. He couldn't help the intense thread of yearning that tugged through him.

Win caught the subtle shift in the musician's eyes and moved swiftly to take advantage of the small, momentary distraction, lashing out with a kick that forced Bright to dodge forward where the younger boy met him with a swift, open palmed face-jab. Bright threw his arms up and twisted not quite in time. Win didn't catch him in the face, but landed a blow to his cheekbone.

Bright caught Win's arm before he could pull back and twisted it around, yanking Win into him. He'd been sloppy, letting Win get inside his defenses like that.That pleased the musician, even as it fueled his competitive streak.

Win winced and sucked a sharp breath in as his arm was twisted up behind him and he was jerked back against the musician's chest, Bright's other arm snaking around his neck in a headlock. He knew the musician was pulling him into a pin move that would signal the end of the match, in the musician's favor, if Win couldn't escape.

Win lashed backward hard with his free elbow, but Bright just twisted his body sideways, arm tightening around Win's throat hard enough to make him see stars.

"Give?" Bright purred in his ear, breath intentionally brushing his skin warmly. He was seeking the concession that would end their match, but Win wasn't ready to give it. The shiver chasing down his spine at Bright's nearness gave him a different idea.

Win stopped trying to pull away and leaned back against Bright's body, rubbing against him as he let his head fall back onto Bright's shoulder. It gave his constricted airways a little more room and let him turn his head and very deliberately run his lips and tongue up the side of the musician's neck. "No..." he murmured, brushing Bright with his teeth.

Bright froze. Worked up nicely from the fight, it was all too easy to flip the switch that sent all the adrenaline pounding through his veins rushing straight to his groin as fire spiraled in his chest at the feeling of Win's mouth on his neck, the scent of the younger boy's body still in the air.

It was only a split second of deeply distracted vulnerability, but Win was counting on the reaction and pounced on it. Slamming his elbow back hard again, this time he caught Bright squarely in the ribs, at the same time twisting and stepping outward to uncurl the arm around his neck, foot tangling with Bright's and jerking to try to unbalance his opponent. It worked, but Bright wasn't letting go of him so easy.

Bright's breath escaped him in a rush when Win's elbow hammered him, but he regained himself enough to keep a stubborn hold on the younger boy as Win took his feet out from under him, pulling the younger one with him as they both crashed to the floor. The two actors rolled a couple times across the mat, struggling and striking out, both seeking the advantage.

The musician finally ended up on top, pinning Win ruthlessly to the mat. He held Win's wrists in one hand above his head, forearm of his other arm pressed against Win's throat, knees pinning the younger boy's hips and not giving him the opportunity to try to breach as the musician straddled him.

Win bucked and struggled but eventually stilled. He wasn't getting out of this one. It had been a given that Bright would eventually end up on top but Win had nailed the stronger actor good at least twice. He took a grim satisfaction in that, even if it burned his pride that he'd lost.

Bright was breathing hard as he looked down at Win, partially from the exertion and partially from the way Win's body pressed against his when he bucked under him. His pulse was hammering in his ears. Win had found and exploited a weakness that Bright hadn't considered and made the musician actually struggle to keep the upper hand. Bright wasn't sure if he should be proud or mad as hell. He settled for deeply aroused instead as he lowered his head, gaze sweeping Win's attractively flushed face, lingering on his lips before locking eyes with him, brown on brown.

For what seemed the longest of times, they just stared at one another, bodies pressed together on the mats, their rapid breathing stirring the others' hair. Their breath and heartbeats were the only audible sounds in the still, empty gym. It felt as if the moment in time had become like a spider web, trapping them both in its net and binding them together.

Win's harsh breathing was calming down, but his thudding heart was showing no signs of slowing as the musician's weight rested on him, body straddling him in a despicably delicious manner that made blood pound in his head.

"Give?" the musician finally queried again, pressing down on the arm over Win's throat a little. His voice was husky now.

Win's breath came in a raspy shudder, his body responding automatically to the contact. It was kind of hard to think with the lack of oxygen and the distractingly arousing heat curling through him. "What if I say no?" he breathed softly around the arm cutting off his air.

Bright's eyes flickered heatedly. "Then I'll assume you want... more..." it was almost a whisper. Despite being on top, Bright felt like he was the one who couldn't breathe as his arm slid off of Win's throat and his head seemed to dip of its own accord.

A knock at the gym's closed door jarred them apart.

 _"Shit!"_ Bright cursed under his breath in dark frustration and irritation as he quickly rolled off of Win. He looked towards the door, confused, before he remembered he was getting picked up. Fuck. He walked over and opened it up. In a whirl of brown hair and sweet perfume, Win watched as a girl leapt into Bright’s arms. “Babe!” She squealed.

Bright stared at Nevy, trying to hide the disappointment. Reality swept over them. 

Unfortunately, this sharp reminder threw the rest of Win off.

Nevy realized they weren’t alone and turned to look at him, eyes narrowing to slits. Win turned to her and gave her a smile that doesn’t quite reach his eyes. He excused himself, letting Bright know he had some stuff back at home he needed to take care of.

He drove home in complete silence. He didn’t even turn the radio on.


	5. Culmination

Bright knew something was off for a couple of days now, but he was never good at communicating, specially when he didn’t know what kind of game was on the table. He preferred to let things play out.

Today’s scene wasn’t much of a heart wrecker, but it still managed to pump out a few quick thumps as he took the guitar pick in one hand and Win’s hand in the other, guiding his fingertips over the cold piece of plastic, teaching him the right way to hold it for the camera.

Contrary to his belief, his hands are shaking.

Win notices, a part of him feeling relief wash over him over his body’s self control. Even tho Win wasn’t shaking, his heart was doing summersaults.

An idea registered in Bright’s brain and he lets Sarawat take reign instead of following the script.

Bright blinked, once, he was pretty sure, then he was moving Win’s hand, pressing the hand in his firmly. “Will you marry me?”

Win blinked up at him, confused, shaking his head at him. “What the hell? You’re teaching me how to hold a guitar pick, not putting on a wedding ring!” He shook his head once more.

A smile breaks out from Win’s lips, betraying his response. This doesn’t go unnoticed.

“Why are you smiling?”

He’s quick to give a reply , “Who is?”

He turns back to the guitar in his arms and starts strumming the strings. Win feels the prickle of a guitar string and winced as the scene required from Tine. 

“Stop, let me see” he held his hand and examined it, noticing the redness on the tips of his fingers. He pulls away to grab the first-aid kit on the floor. One by one, he bandages his fingers.

Win smiles up at him, feeling his stomach flutter involuntarily at the closeness, noticing how long Bright’s eyelashes were and how he smelled of fresh detergent. Bright holds onto his hand after he’s bandaged it up, and looks up at him expectantly.

“Will you marry me?”He looks fondly into his eyes, but the mischief betrays him and he lets out a giggle when Win’s face lights up and he cracks a smile.

“Again? Stop it!” He pushed lightly at his shoulders, and they both feel the tension from earlier that day melt away as Tine and Sarawat took over for the rest.

❂

Nevy tapped at the phone in her hands swiftly, making sure the car was on park. She hit send.

She still had around an hour of time to kill. Bright had told her to be there at 7, but she was done with errands way earlier than expected. She relaxed into the seat, bringing up her phone and browsing through her gallery to kill time. She posted the photo she took earlier at the mall on her instagram, smiling to herself when it quickly gained a ton of likes. She lazily went through her instagram photos, smiling giddily at all the memories they brought her.

A dozen couple minutes later and she saw him stepping out of the building from her spot across the street. Win was with him, a hand tapping holding his elbow as they both laughed over something said. Bright glanced over and spotted his car parked with Nevy sitting inside it. He gave her a wave before they both headed towards her. 

Did they have to drop Win off today too? seriously? - didn't he have his own car? She was annoyed. It seemed every time she borrowed his car they had to. Didn't they spend more than enough time together already? 

The very sight of them together alone was enough to make her burst with raging jealousy. Win had no business looking at her boyfriend like _that_ , no business touching him like _that_.

And Bright had no business allowing it. Not anymore. 

She was at a crossroads she could not avoid.

She had to strip the facade. This time she was sure of it.

❂

Bright can’t help but think back on his day, feeling an awful lot of strange as images formed in his brain.

Nevy had disappeared into his bathroom for a handful of minutes now, so he relaxed onto the couch and grabbed his controller.

He turned on his Bluetooth speakers and started up some lo-fi beats while recalling Win’s reddening face and sweaty hands. They had ended the day like whatever tension they had all morning was never there, and they were back to Tine and -

The door to his bathroom chose that moment to all but explode open to admit one dark haired blur stomping towards him. Bright jumped from the couch, feeling a heart attack on coming from the sudden noise. He feels himself panic when he sees her tears.

“We need to talk.”

He hated those words. He walked towards her, raising a hand to comfort her and promptly letting it fall against his side when she shot a glare in his direction.

“Is there something between you and Win, yes or no?” She held her breath in anticipation.

Bright blinked up at her.“I- what brought this on?”

“I know you, Bright” She starts, voice low. “I’ve been with you for almost 3 years. I’ve been able to get closer than anyone has before, and it took me this long, and you meet this guy...” she sighs. “You’re with him all the time, even out of work. I barely see you anymore.” There are angry tears in her eyes.

He looked trapped.

“Jesus, it’s always the Win thing.” He whispered, heart beginning to pound.

He stared at her blankly, noticing he was holding his breath when she raised her eyebrows at him expectantly.

Of all the scenarios running through his head, that was the last one he was expecting. Or maybe he was panicking because,  _fuck, he was_.

He takes in a shaky breath, opening his mouth but no sound leaving it.

Overwhelmed and ashamed, Bright casted his gaze to the ground.

“Please don’t tell me you actually like him?” She whispered.

Bright took in a large gulp of air.

“I- I don’t know.” It’s barely above a whisper, but she hears him clearly.

“Seriously?” She growled, “What am I supposed to do about that?”

“Look, I’m confused okay? I don’t know. But I know I wasn’t going to do anything. We haven’t done anything.” He clarified, his voice wavering.

“Well you’re going to have to do something now.” She growls, giving him challenging eyes. “I am not comfortable with it anymore. Something’s going to have to change.”

“I am not messing up my future,” Bright argued, letting the anger flow. “You have no clue what you’re talking about anymore.”

She blinked up at him “Really?

“Yeah, really.” Bright hissed.

“Then let’s break up.”

Bright stared at her, her words filling him with such intense anger that it almost hurt. His heart pounding so loudly he could hear it and feel it in his veins. It felt as though his throat was being squeezed.

“So you want to do this now?” Bright started, oblivious to the fact he had started to shake.

She continued, “You haven’t been around at all. It’s like you don’t care. Like I don’t exist.”

“That’s not-“

“True?” She interrupted. “Yeah, it fucking is.”

Bright didn’t notice he was crying until the first tears left his eyes. He can’t help but recall all those times he was there with her but then he  _wasn’t_ . He wondered when exactly the love he felt for her faltered, when his heart stopped thumping nervously at her touch, and it pained him to realize it had happened longer ago than he had thought.

Now all he can think about is how he possibly  likes Win and how he is not ready to deal with all that implies. If Nevy noticed the shit he does without meaning to, then maybe so did Win and,  _fuck_ -

“I can’t believe you’re doing this to me.” He hears it before he feels it, a sudden breath intake, the sobs breaking out, the hand swinging up towards him - she slaps him.

They both freeze in shock, she casts her eyes down to the floor, scowling. Bright can’t take it anymore.

“Where the fuck are you going?” Nevy calls after him, her voice still full of challenge.

Bright grabbed his jacket from the sofa armrest, pulled it on and slipped into his shoes. “Fuck you.”

“Don’t fucking walk out that door!” Before Nevy could say anything else, Bright pulled open the front door and walked out into the rain. In the pitch darkness, the rain fell in heavy raindrops, cooling his heated skin. The world blurred, the amber glow coming off the streetlights barely lighting the road.

He walked to the front seat of his car and although already thoroughly soaked, he hopped inside. He sat there for a second, looking through the colored windows to see the silhouette of Nevy fighting with air, following after him.

He reached into his pockets, pulling out his phone and keys. Starting up the car, he drove up the road and parked on another street. He couldn’t go any further. He began to hit the steering wheel of his car several times with the palm of his hand, which made his first erupt with pain, but he didn’t care. He screamed, filling up the car with the sound of his harsh voice. Good, any pain but the pain in his head right now.

He felt like he was at the edge of a cliff, his whole world about to fall apart.

Pulling down the flap of the mirror, Bright examined his face, already seeing the purplish marks shadowing on his cheek where Nevy’s hands collided.

“Fuck,” Bright whispered to himself, pushing the flap back up. “Fuck, fuck, fuck!”

He didn’t know what to fucking do. For a split second, he thinks of going back to his parent’s house for the night, but he quickly pushed that thought away when he remembered the state of his face. If his mom saw his face...

Turning his car back on, he drove up the street and into the speedway. He felt his heart accelerate, something else mixing with the raging heat. Minutes felt like hours, but he finally parked in front of a looming condo. All the lights were off except for the lights illuminating through multiple windows. He dragged himself out of the car and into the pounding rainfall, running towards the building and stepping into the harsh coldness of it, wet clothes sliding against his chest and making shivers erupt. He took long strides until he was in front of the elevator, shakily pushing the button.

Once it opened, he stepped inside and pushed for the right floor. He felt the hallow in his gut clenching, it felt like a black hole twisting all his organs. Something was screaming in the back of his head. He heard the elevator ding, the doors opened, and he ran out of the elevator. He finally stood in front of the right door. He gave it three loud knocks, hearing shuffling on the other side.

Win’s face appeared in front of him, looking down on him. “What the fuck?” He whispered loudly, “Bright?”

Bright is not sure why he ended up on Win's doorstep. He's really not. And even if he was, there was no way in hell he'd ever admit it. After all, if he had to admit it, then the chances of him knowing the 'why' increased dramatically, and knowing the 'why' could easily be followed by the notion that he admitted it all.

“Can I come in?” His voice wavered slightly, but he didn’t think Win could tell.

“Yeah, come in.” He shut the door once Bright walked inside, taking a few steps backward, eyes wide. “What the fuck happened?”

“Nothing,” Bright murmured, wiping at his wet face.

The familiarity of Win's scent in his warm room made him feel a sense of peace. For the first time in years, Bright felt the prickle of tears in his eyes.

Win took a step closer to him, concerned eyes meeting his “Who did this, Bright?”

Bright’s shoulder sagged helplessly and he sank to the floor. His back was against the door, hanging his head between his legs. Win hesitated for a second before he came over and sat in front of him.

Bright didn’t say anything, he couldn’t.

“Bright,” Win insisted, reaching out with one hand and tentatively putting it on his shoulders. He didn’t care that he was wet from head to toe, he pulled Bright close to him, letting his head rest against his chest. “Come on, you’re scaring me.”

The dam burst open, and all his emotions spilled out of him. 

His body was limp against Win's, tilting his head in the crook of his neck so he couldn't see his face. He whispered into the skin. “We broke up.”

He tilted his head and looked up at Win. Win’s face was full of confusion, brown eyes alarmed; and Bright realized this is it.  Even if he was fucking miserable, at least he was beginning to understand what everything meant. All of this confusion and questioning had turned everything inside out and he was tired of feeling scared. Everything led up to this.

Win just looked at him, confused. He was still digesting the words that he had mumbled into his neck, all the while fighting the guilt he felt for how those words also made him feel relief. He was selfish, so fucking selfish...

Bright licked his lips, looking pained, he said “She thinks I like you.”

Win opened his mouth and closed it again. Several heartbeats later, he speaks up. “But that’s not true.”

Bright mimicked Win, and opened his mouth and closed it back up. He opened his mouth again but he couldn’t say anything. Every time he tried, he felt as though he hit a wall.

Staring into Win’s eyes, all Bright felt was more confusion. He didn’t know what the fuck was happening anymore. Feeling the warmth of Win’s body against his was doing more than comfort him - it was distracting him.

He was more confused when he remembered why he was here in the first place. Win’s fingers had began rubbing softly against his skin and they were making him think shameful thoughts.

He always found Win’s eyes mesmerizing, and he had seen him everyday at work and thought he was attractive, but the way they were now - the closeness, the way Win’s face was just a couple inches away from his - it was making his mind go to places it shouldn’t be going to. Not now, not ever.

“Bright?” Win whispered when he didn’t respond.

He could feel Win’s breath against his face. 

Bright leaned into him and pressed his face against his neck once more, a hand going around his waist and pulling him into Bright. He breathed in the smell of Win’s body wash, jolting bolts of electricity shooting up his spine.

He was so different than he was used to.

Win felt as though his entire body's blood supply rushed to his face. He grabbed the back of Bright's wet jacket, crunching up the fabric when shivers erupted where he felt the hot breath caressing his sensitive neck.

Bright enjoyed the way the body in his arms trembled and felt a familiar feeling try to claw its way up. There was no stopping if he kept this up so he musters up all his self control and pushes Win away, instantly wincing at the sudden absence of warmth.

Bright stared up at him in silence. “I... I shouldn’t have done that. I am sorry-“ his stomach twisted nervously at the way Win was sitting there, unmoving.

Win stood up and grabbed a blanket from the couch, wrapping it around him. He grabbed his hand and pulled him up, feeling a sense of protectiveness for the older boy, he guided him to the bathroom and turned on the water to heat, then he pulled a fresh towel from the small closet by the bathroom door.

“I shouldn’t have done that” Bright repeated, trying to get Win to look at him. “ I just wanted you to feel what I’ve been feeling. I didn’t mean to- “

Win pulled him in for quick side hug, searching into his eyes for something. He doesn’t know if Win finds it, but he pulled him in for a long hug afterwards. Brights mind was screaming at him to stop but he couldn’t. He liked the way Win’s body felt against his too much, all warm and solid. He gives into the embrace.

He will deal with everything in the morning.


	6. Tequila

Bright signed his thumb multiple times as he tried to get the piece of shit lighter to work. An unlit cigarette dangled from his lips, something he wasn’t proud of, but his stress level was high enough that it called for it. This was how Nevy found him. The morning sun crawling up behind the trees as he leaned back against his car, parked in front of her house.

“Bad night?” She asked and held out a cup of coffee just as he managed to light the cigarette. He took a short puff, exhaling over his shoulders.

“What do you want?” He ignored the offered mug, not bothering to hide the annoyance in his voice.

She sighed. “Thanks for agreeing to meet me” She wrinkled her nose “So we can talk.”

They stood outside, the morning air cooling his otherwise hot body.He blinked at her makeup-free face, she looked almost innocent. 

Bright knew better.

He took a long drag of his cigarette before realizing he fucking hated the taste of the thing. He quickly threw it on the ground and put it off with the heel of his converse.

“Talk.” 

“I haven’t seen you smoke in a while,” She commented, giving him a knowing look as she leaned against the car near him. “It’s just... you didn’t text me back. And you always text me back, even if we....”

“Yeah, I know. But this time we aren’t.” Bright replied brusquely, and her eyes flashed at him, hurt, before her normal defensive expression took over.

“Is that it?” Bright can’t be bothered with this. It was far too soon.

Hurt flashed across her face once more. “Jesus, Bright... it’s not like we weren’t friends first...”

“What do you want me to say, Nevy?” He asked. He was upset, but he knew it wasn’t entirely her fault.

“I don’t want you to say anything,” she mumbled, taking a sip of her coffee. “I’m not saying things can go back to how they were before. I know they won’t, ever, it’s just...”

He looked over at her, waiting for her to continue. Not that there was anything she could say.

“I just.... I already miss us.” She said, uncharacteristically repentant. “That’s all. I wanted to apologize for how everything went down that day.”

Bright felt a migraine incoming. “We haven’t talked for weeks,” he said. “We have been avoiding each other and shit.... fuck, do we really need to do this right now?” He wasn’t sure he wanted to have this talk after all.Part of him just wanted her to drop it, it’s not like anything she could say could possibly change what happened between them.

“Bright, please listen-“ She insisted, but he interrupted her.

“Three years, Nevy,” He suddenly growled at her, trying his best to keep his voice low in the morning quiet. “Three years I devoted to you and your wants and your needs. I took you to every party, movie, restaurant, whatever you wanted, without a single complaint, for you to fucking _hit_ me and _dangle_ our relationship in my face.”

“I’m sorry,” She whispered, her eyes filling with tears. “I’m sorry, I never wanted to hurt you.”

“You did.” He couldn’t be near her any longer, so before she could stop him, he made his way to the driver side of his car and hopped inside it. He turned on the engine and switched to reverse, pulling out and driving away. He opened up his windows, pulled out the stupid lighter once more and grabbed a cigarette from the cupboard.

He needed the stupid shit after all.

❂   
  


Despair was the way the stars could shine in Thailand, but didn’t; it was the way he traced the sharp edges of the photos and read them as goodbyes.

Despair was the way he had breathed Nevy's name when she last called him, not knowing at that point that he would also be whispering to her the torn, irreparable edges of a farewell.

Despair showed up in all his words, laced through with the black hurt of selfishness.

Despair could account for the way he was sitting by the window, sleepless, apathetic.

He did not know if there truly was a physical numbness, or if the emotional side of him had spilled over, occupying the spaces in his skin where he used to feel.

He cried for a lost love; for lost emotions that slipped seamlessly through his bloodstream, like a drug that would dull his senses and lull him to sleep.

❂

“Bright?”

A weak smile crossed his lips as he listened to the voice chatter away into his ear. He demanded that he put on his Sunday Best and go out with him to shop.

He insisted on it.

He did not know why he agreed, but an hour later he was in a pair of fitting trousers and a baggy hoodie that hugged his form loosely.

Win dragged him into stores that contained edgy clothes and outrageous prices. He made him try them on and latched on hoodies, glasses, and costumes.

He pulled outfits over his head and made him stand in front of mirrors to look at himself.

Pretty soon he made him laugh, too, like he always did.

❂

Music was the first thing he heard as he pulled up the dark, ritzy drive of Gigie’s house. Cars were parked all along the driveway, which stretched almost a half a mile up a road before he got to Gigie’s actual home. Bright squeezed his car between a red Audi and an old Chevy pick up and started to walk the rest of the way.

Gigie’s house was far from the neighbors and though the music was loud, there was little chance of someone calling in a complaint. On a piece of old farmland, her house was in a development created by people who wanted to live close enough to the city that it was less than an hour away but far enough that they could buy the large, lavish house of their dreams. That meant privacy, so Gigie’s closest neighbor was almost a quarter of a mile away.

The front of the house was illuminated by a string of lights, which gave the huge manor a festive, welcoming look.

Bright stepped through the doorway and stuffed his hands nervously into his pockets. People mingled around in small groups as they chatted and laughed earnestly while loud music pumped in from another room, playing the quick beats of some hip-hop song. Through a small hallway he could see a beer pong table set up in the formal living room and a poker table with a working dealer. The rest of the rooms were most likely packed with their friends and coworkers, dancing, talking, fighting. Many smiled hello to him as he passed and he received a few fist bumps from the guys he was familiar with.

He bypassed the beer pong and headed straight for the kitchen. On the sprawling center stood boxes of pizza, bottles of hard liquor and cans upon cans of beer. He reached for a plastic cup and grabbed the bottle of rum. He poured himself a shot and drank the liquid before he poured himself one more. He hated the fact that he needed the liquid encouragement to be around people he already knew, even though by the looks of it there was a handful of them he didn’t know. Normally this wasn't his scene.

“Bright!” shouted Gigie as he entered the room. Gigie, like many of the girls that lived on his side of town, was dressed in her designer clothes. “Where have you been?”

He looked around, looking for someone specific. Win was no where to be seen, and Bright swallowed the lump of disappointment in his throat.

“What’s up?” asked Gigie. She’d just walked around the corner, a red cup of something in her hand. “Wasn’t sure you were actually coming tonight.”

“It's your birthday, ” Explained Bright, as if she should already know he wouldn't miss it. “Besides, I needed this.”

“Yeah” said Gigie in agreement. She held up the red cup she was drinking from. “Where's my gift?”

“Here,” said Bright. “I cheated. Got you that necklace you gushed about at the mall. Learned that from you” Gigie laughed and hugged him, thanking him. She put the necklace on and checked herself out on her camera phone.

"You want a beer?" She led him through the throngs of people milling about. He still had yet to really recognize many of them. He saw a couple girls that played students in the series and a couple of the guys from other staff teams but he wasn’t exactly buddies with any of them. “Where is everyone else?”

“Downstairs,” answered Gigie. They entered the kitchen. Gigie grabbed a can from the cooler near the drinks. She passed the foaming liquid over to Bright who took a huge gulp. The light taste bubbled over his tongue. “So, haven’t seen you around much.”

Bright shrugged. He was getting used to this statement. “Don’t worry soon enough you will.”

Some girls stopped by. Bright pretended not to notice and refilled his cup of beer instead. Nanan flirted with Gigie and asked her to grab her a cup of beer and then told her to meet up with her later that night. Bright rolled his eyes. Gigie didn’t seem to care and watched her walk away with a smug smile before she turned his attention back onto Bright. 

He took another gulp of his beer. “Should we go downstairs or what?”

“Ah, yeah. Sorry I'm already tipsy.”

Gigie led Bright to the basement.

“Bright!” This time it was Gun who cheered his name, practically yelling over the music. Gun pushed his way through the people around the table and pulled Bright into a hug. “You fucking made it!”

Loud music was playing from a stereo in the corner. All the guys and a couple girls were seated around a table playing King’s Cup. Half of the girls were already down to their bras and two of the boys, including Toptap, were down to their boxers. The only people that he recognized were Gigie, Drake, Gun, TopTap, and Love.

Bright grinned and lightly patted Gun’s bare skin before he pushed his friend off of him. His friend reeked of alcohol. “Am I overdressed?”

Gun laughed and motioned for Bright to sit down.

Gigie clapped his hands. “Alright, let the games begin! Take a seat.”

Bright sat between Gigie and another gorgeous half dressed girl in her bra. There were so many other people that he didn’t recognize that he began to realize that it really had been a while since he’d been to a party.

“Hey,” whispered the girl sitting next to him as they began to play the game. Her smile was warm and friendly. “It’s been a while.” She whispered low enough no one else heard them.

Bright glanced in her direction, “Hey?" Bright stared at her pointedly, something oddly familiar about her, before realization finally sunk in. Mai was paired with him during the show _Social Death Vote._ They both got pretty handsy during the filming of the series, and there was some chemistry he wanted to explore after the show but he’d gotten into a relationship quickly after that. He took one long look at her openly sensual face and her glaringly feminine figure and couldn’t resist thinking of Win. She gave Bright a shy smile. His face reddened. "Hey, it has been."

“Come on, it’s your turn,” said Gigie.

Bright rolled his eyes and pulled a card. “Are you fucking kidding me?” Bright groaned. He had pulled a King. It was the final one, signaling the end to the game. Everyone laughed and cheered as he was forced to grab the cup from the middle. He had to chug the whole entire thing.

Beer escaped out of the corners of his mouth as he downed the last drop. He sputtered and practically choked on the beer. It was a horrible mixture of whatever drinks the players had poured into it. He resisted the urge to vomit as he replaced the cup on the table. Mia reached over and with a deft finger she wiped away the beer that remained in one corner of his mouth.

“You missed a spot,” she breathed, her breath fresh and cool. He caught Gun watching him from across the table, his arm sliding around another girl who was sitting next to him.

He reddened and turned away from her. “What’s next?”

“Truth or dare,” somebody said.

Everyone at the table gave mixed reactions; some seemed to think that the idea was horrible while others seemed excited. Bright grimaced. To him, it seemed like a dangerous idea.

“Yes!” squealed Mia. Her skin was an unnatural tanned color but it was flawless. Her brown hair swished between her bare shoulder blades. “Let’s do it!”

Toptap, looking smashed, grinned at them. “Fuck yeah. I’m down.”

“Me too,” said Loveand glanced over at her and smiled. Gigie turned her attention towards Bright. “You in?”

Everyone was looking at him. “Uh…yeah.”

“I’ll start,” said Love. She got up and stared at all of them in mock seriousness until she settled on Drake. “You. I’ll ask you first. Truth or dare?”

Drake rolled his eyes. “Fuck it. Truth.”

Love grinned. “Have you…ever been busted by a cop? Oh, and why?”

Drake gave her a deadpan stare. “Are you asking that because I’m older?”

She faltered. “Oh, no. No, no, no. I just-”

“I’m fucking with you,” he said before he took a drink of his beer. Everyone laughed and Love looked relieved. “The answer to that question is ‘yes’. I got caught underage drinking after a college football game.”

“Hey, what are you guys up to?” Finally, people that Bright recognized; Mike had just entered the room with Frank. He held a bottle of lime-flavored vodka in one hand. “Sorry we’re late, dude.”

“It’s cool,” said Gigie. “We’re playing Truth or Dare.”

Mike frowned. “Man, y’all are playing it wrong. Here, wait,” said Mike. He placed the bottle of lime vodka on the middle on the table. “We gotta make this more interesting, guys. First, everyone needs to get dressed.” Reluctantly, Love and Mia and anyone else who was partially clothed pulled on their garments. “Second, anyone who refuses to answer a question has to take something off.” He waited for everyone to nod in agreement. “And third, at the end of the answer or dare, we have to all agree on whether or not the answer is acceptable or not. If it was totally fucking lame or a cop-out then the person who answered has to take a shot. Deal?”

“Deal,” said everyone at once. Bright was silent.

Drake glanced around at the other faces. “So was my answer good enough?” Everyone nodded in agreement. “Good. Then I’m asking Gigie. Truth or dare?”

The petite girl looked at him nervously. “Dare?”

“Dare?” repeated Drake. “Okay. I dare you to sit in Toptap’s lap for the rest of the game.”

She rolled her eyes and stood up. “That one’s too easy,” she said before she took a seat in a very happy-looking Toptap’s lap.

“I agree,” said Love. “Take a shot!”

Drake reached for the bottle of alcohol and took a long shot. Everyone cheered.

“Okay, okay!” piped up Gigie. “It’s my turn. You there - Truth or dare?”

“Truth,” said another guy he didn't recognize.

“How old were you the first time you had sex?” she asked. And then, thinking quickly, she added, “And with who?”

Bright couldn’t stop himself from rolling his eyes. They’d only been at the game for two rounds and already the sex questions were in.

“Seventeen,” He said. “With a senior at our high school.”

Another girl, looking mildly uncomfortable, interjected, “Okay, who’s next?”

Drake glanced Mia. “Truth or dare?”

She hesitated. “Truth.”

He grinned. For a moment he looked at Bright and gave him the ‘I-got-your-back’ look that Bright completely did not need. “If you could fuck anybody in this room, who would it be, and why?”

Mia grinned and glanced down at the table. She didn’t say anything for a moment. “I dunno,” she said. A slight blush had colored the tops of her cheeks, embarrassed. For all her brashness of being confident in her bra and underwear earlier, she seemed reluctant to answer the question.

“You have to answer,” insisted Drake. He grabbed the bottle of vodka and held it out. “Or else take something off and have a shot.”

She rolled her eyes. “Okay! Fuck. Um…” She looked directly at Bright. “You. You’re hot and…yeah.”

Bright’s stomach twisted uncomfortably. He wasn’t sure how he was supposed to respond to that sort of thing. “Uh…thanks.”

“Anyway,” Mia continued. Bright noticed that she was blushing even harder now. ”Boy with glasses. Truth or dare?”

The questions went around the table multiple times. Some of the questions were lame and generic, like ‘which celebrity would you have sex with’ and dares like ‘I dare you to take three shots of vodka’. Bright, unfortunately, had the vodka dare. After the third one, he hated to admit it but his head felt a little fuzzy. He grinned a whole lot more and he didn’t push Mia away when she sat close enough to him that their thighs touched.

Drake was asked another question which he answered in dare. “I dare you…” began Gigie who had just been asked whether or not she would fuck a teacher. “I dare you to kiss one of the guys here.”

Everyone shouted and cheered. The guys nearest to Frank all shoved him awkwardly. Drake’s face was a mixture of annoyance and nervousness while he tried to appear like it didn’t matter to him. “No way.”

“Aw, come on…” groaned Gigie. “It would be awesome.”

“With all the cell phones around? no,” said Drake. “Ask me something else. Truth.”

“Ugh, fine. But you have to take a shot!” said Gigie. He complied and took a huge gulp of vodka. “Have you ever cheated on someone you love?”

“Absolutely not,” said Drake. “Because I’ve never been in love.”

Everyone laughed, even Bright, because the alcohol in his body had begun to make everything seem hilarious. Also, Mia’s hand was now on his thigh and since he kind of wanted to touch _someone_ , he touched her thigh as well. Her bare skin was warm and smooth to the tough.

“Bright, I’m asking you now,” said Drake. There was no denying it; his words were slurred. “Truth or dare?”

“I dunno,” said Bright. “Truth?”

“How far would you go with someone you’d just met?” Drake asked. “You know, a complete stranger. Would you fuck someone you’ve just met?”

Bright realized that everyone now stared at him. “Uh…I mean. I would. Er, I wouldn’t.” Which was the right answer? “I definitely would not fuck someone I’ve just met.”

Mia turned towards him with a smile and wrapped her arms around his neck. She smiled and leaned in towards him, close enough that they could kiss. “Even me?” she whispered, winking her eyes at him with a knowing look.

“Bright?”

Bright glanced over at the direction of the whisper quiet voice. Win stood in the doorway, his silhouette casting a long shadow into the dark room. 

Win, as always, looked gorgeous. He always did, especially when he went to a party. He was wearing pants, his muscular legs encased in beige and a dark blue sweater. He watched as he disappeared up the steps.

“That was funny.” said Gigie, laughing over Drake’s jokes on his answer. No one else seemed to have noticed Win came and left.

Mia’s arms were still around his neck but now it only annoyed him. He pushed her hands off of him and stood. “I’m going to the bathroom.” He ran up the stairs after Win.

He was almost to the main floor. “Hey,” he said. He reached out and grabbed his wrist. “Win, stop.”

He whipped around and glared at him. “You’re drunk, Bright. Let go of me.”

He didn’t let go of him. He couldn’t. His head swam from the amount of alcohol he had consumed but he knew that he couldn’t let him just get away. “What are you doing?”

“I’m getting a drink before I join you all.” Win tried keeping his voice as composed as he could, not bothering to look in Bright’s direction. He didn't even know why he was so upset, but he was. Bright stood beside him in the kitchen as he poured his drink. Everyone around them were dancing to the upbeat pops of a song while a projector illuminated the dim space. The alcohol sloshing around his braincells were beginning to blur everything around him. Win took two cups and filled them with vodka, stepping around Bright to head back towards the basement.

The upstairs portion of the house was packed with people. They were jammed into small packs, laughing and joking with one another. Girls were dressed in beautifully with dark makeup and loose hair, it was hard to recognize any of them. Desperate guys tried to get their attention while they crowded around the girls, bringing them drinks. Bright didn’t immediately recognize anyone from the set. Gigie’s house was too dark and full of smoke to see anyone clearly in the sea of faces.

As they made their way back to the basement they noticed Gigie and the others had come upstairs, dancing carelessly to the upbeat song. Mia was looking around and once she saw him, walked towards him. Love came along with her, noticing Win had arrived and hurried towards him, crashing into his arms. Win smiled at her, excited to see her. He could tell she was drunk and Win couldn’t wait to be there along with her, not giving a care in the world and just enjoying his night.

Mai got close to Bright and started swaying her body on him. Bright glanced towards Win and caught his glare, which he quickly averted. Win downed the cup of pure vodka before pulling Love back to the kitchen for more shots. He watched them laughing over something said as Win poured another ridiculous amount of alcohol in his cup.

Bright felt this strange possessive urge. He felt a surge of anger boiling in his stomach, far more anger than Win deserved. In that moment his mind broke, the repressed feelings of the breakup bursting up inside him while watching the guy that most definitely caused all of it chasing another girl, without a hint of remorse. Bright’s thoughts were a jumbled mess and he briefly wondered if he had imagined all those times between them.

Mia moved forward until she was in front of his face. She grabbed Bright’s hands and moved them so that they were resting on her hips. “Do you remember me, Bright?” she breathed. “We never finished what we started.” She swayed her hips to the rhythm of the music. Bright felt her body under his palm.

Bright is far too distracted. He kept glancing towards Win, anger boiling inside him when he saw Love dancing on him too. Win’s hands had wrapped around her waist as he swayed along with her.

He had to stop the feelings. _No._ There were no feelings. He was simply confused and heart broken. Win wasn’t doing anything wrong, and neither was he. They were both _guys_ and this is what guys do.

Somewhere between the daze and desperation, he pulled Mai into him. She stared up at him. That look was in her eyes, a look that Bright had liked back when they were filming. He felt nervous. The alcohol in his system…it wasn’t letting him think right.

“Maybe we should,” He whispered. He took Mai’s face into his cool hands and ran his fingers through her hair. It felt so fucking _familiar_ that it made chills run up his spine. “Maybe this will help me remember.”  He dipped his head and crushed their lips together.

He doesn’t know why, but his first reaction is to look over at Win in the distance while still pushing his lips against hers. He broke the brief kiss, unable to stop staring at the other two. His blood ran cold. Win dipped his head and started kissing Love among the smokey fog.

Bright frowned, a dark glint over his eyes. He looked down at Mia and pulled her back into his arms, wanting to feel a sense of comfort, of familiarity. He pressed their lips together once more, forcing himself to do something, to _feel_ something. This was what he should have been doing in the first place. He tasted the sweet vanilla and tried concentrating on the way she felt against him, but something about it… didn’t feel right.

What the _fuck_ was he doing?

 _No_ , he screamed in his mind. Nothing about this was right. He wasn’t into this. He didn’t know if it was because it was _her_ or if it was because it was a female. His eyes shot open and he found Win’s eyes looking at him, his lips still busy with Love's. He felt like the world came to a pause.

Suddenly, he recalled the way Win’s lips felt all those weeks ago when he had pressed them against his forcefully for the camera. The sensation intensified as he got lost in that intense gaze, feeling a magnetic pull he couldn’t break even if he wanted to. His lips picked up hungrily, devouring Mia. He was kissing her but then he wasn't, pushing lips desperately against each other as he found Win’s eyes after every tilt of his head. Bright could feel him. He attributed his heightened senses to the alcohol, feeling as Win’s arms slid above his shoulders and he sighed into the kiss, trembling in his arms. His body flush against his, wrapping around him, inviting - 

Win - the real one - broke his kiss, and the bubble bursts. Bright pulled away from Mia immediately, a dazed look on her face. He excused himself and followed after Win, who had walked towards another set of bottles in the kitchen, hand holding up the side of his chest where his heart was, mumbling something he didn’t catch. He filled another drink.

The music switched, the start of a deep low beat of another pop song.People squealed around in excitement, starting to sing along.

Bright ducked his head as Mia passed around him. She didn’t see him. As soon as she was gone, he made his way towards Win. He rested his gaze on him, universe ceasing to exists when large chocolate eyes met his.

Win blinked, emotions flashing across his face: confusion, anger, and pain. Bright reached forward and subtly grabbed Win’s arm, squeezing it tightly. Win could barely breathe as Bright dragged him across the room without a word.

Bright radiated angry confusion, but his touch was still making Win seize with conflicting sensations.

“Bright-“

“Shut up.” Bright groaned. He glanced behind them, making sure no ones attention was on them, before he practically shoved him through a small door that led to a bathroom.

As soon as the door shut behind them, Bright turned around, staring at Win in the soft amber glow from the single light by the door.

The party sounds were drowned out by the door. Bright couldn't help but let his gaze trail to Win's lips, recalling what just happened and letting the jealousy overflow. “What are you doing?” He said, his voice sounding way calmer than he was feeling.

“Drinking.” Win's eyes burned into him.

Bright was pissed beyond belief and the alcohol wasn’t helping.

Taking slow steps forward, he cornered Win against the bathroom counter, trapping him between it and himself. He got so close - he could smell the familiar scent coming from Win's proximity. The rage inside him mixed with deep arousal, dragging his glare down to Win's lips, then fluttering back up to his eyes.

Why was the pull so strong? 

Bright tilted his head, leaning forward - 

Then he stopped, eyes darkening as he held the other boy's full attention with a powerful gaze. Their lips were so close they could almost touch.

_KNOCK KNOCK_

Bright jerked back instantly, putting some distance between them. “Hold on!” He shouted at whoever the hell was on the other side, eyes rolling to the back of his head in annoyance.

Win glanced down, suddenly finding the geometric black and white pattern on the floor very interesting. 

Bright turned and slammed the door open, unapologetically bumping into whoever this person was, “Do you mind?” Bright asked, his tone filled with warning. The guy hesitated, like he didn’t know what to do. Bright rolled his eyes and headed towards the jumping hoard.

“Gigie!” By now, Gigie was pulling all sorts of dance moves under the laser stars, a hoard of people surrounding her. “Happy birthday! Thanks for tonight!”

Gigie simply waved at him with a silly smile on, turning back to the dance floor almost immediately.

He turned back towards Win, “So... are you staying?” Bright cooed beside him, a hint of hope in his eyes. Leaving Win here when Love was still around wasn’t something he really wanted to do, but there is no way of knowing how far he would go if he didn’t… Not when he was feeling this way.

“Yeah... I’m carpooling.”

“Alright...” Bright blinked. “Text me if anything.”

“Okay.” Win shivered, feeling as though he could barely stand as Bright’s eyes burned into his.

“Okay,” Bright repeated. “I’m off then.”

He glanced over his shoulders, coffee colored eyes finding his for the last time. “Good night.”

Just like that, he was off.

Win’s fingers curled at his sides, feeling heat crawl up to his ears, little goosebumps prickling all over his skin.


	7. Astro

The morning was misty. It was almost as though the world disappeared less than a hundred feet in front of him. Win absently counted his steps as he jogged through the streets of his neighborhood early morning before work. The air was sharp; it caused his breath to fog . He pulled out his iPhone headphones and placed them in his ears.

It had been a few days since the party and one would think Win wouldn't remember much, considering the hazy state his mind was in and the fact he couldn't even remember what he had to eat on a normal day - but he remembered everything.

The way anger bubbled in his stomach when he saw Bright kissing the other girl, the way he pressed closer to Love - the way Bright was looking at him - how the world stopped in it’s tracks and it was just them two -or not but  dammit -

It should be completely and one-hundred percent Bright's fault. Or at least, fifty percent... Win had definitely done enough damage worthy of recognition, too. So then, it would be fifty-fifty, if Win was in the mood for honesty. But, on that note, he wasn't, so... ninety-ten (with his Phi's credit displayed on the left, of course), and that  still  made Win feel like he was letting him off easily.

\- The seething heat in Bright's eyes in the bathroom, the feeling of hard marble on the curve of his back, the velvet caress of a breath on his lips -

Yep. Definitely a completely innocent victim.

His pace had picked up absentmindedly, and he was running. He stopped in his tracks, trying to catch his breath, the white cotton fabric of his shirt clinging to his skin with sweat.

Something changed, or rather,  morphed .

It wasn’t big - more subtle, easily missed with the blink of an eye.

Their practices had become handsier the last few days, and their lunch breaks consisted of 80% curious glances at one another.

He really doesn’t want to think too much about it. 

Thinking back to the party, and considering Bright and considering his actions, he couldn’t help but think about the direction their relationship was taking.

And just the idea of Bright touching him made his cheeks burn and sent heated shivers down his spine and... he needed to stop.

❂

Bright found himself shuffling between two very difficult choices, one by Bright himself, and the other from Sarawat.

The first one was the easiest one, and probably the safer bet. As intriguing as it was, he wasn’t sure Win would react the way he’d like him to, and quite honestly he doesn’t think he can take the rejection at this point - he was getting invested, so maybe he would stick to the script and follow along what was planned for him.

His second idea, however, proved more daunting, but he could take liberties as Sarawat, could do things Bright wouldn’t normally do.

This was the opening ledge.

“I think I know one of them.” Bright murmured, eyes diverting up while lost in thought, feeling the warmth radiating from Win’s body as they nestled closely into the small couch under the covers. “He’s an architecture student.”

“Do you think they had a reason to do this?”His eyes went back to Win’s and traced the younger boys features, marveling at the dark orbs staring at him in the amber glow from the night lamp. 

A gaze, intangible as it may seem, has the strange ability of making itself known, felt regardless of one's efforts to ignore it. He took in a small breath, letting his eyes fall down to his lips. “Right now, I’m more interested in what’s in front of me.”

Win must have instantly understood what he meant, because his eyes quickly dragged down to his lips too. He seemed to think about it, seemed to want it just as much. “If you keep staring at me like that... I will kiss you til you drop.”

Bright chuckled, turning on his side and draping an arm over Win. “Yes please.” 

“I’m kidding, you asshole!” Win snickered at him, pushing his shoulder as he nestled back next to him. Bright hid the pang of rejection well, focusing instead on the beaming face of his friend. It was so easy to get lost in. He took notice of the flush adorning the younger boys cheeks, reveling in the magnetism between them. “Good night.”

“You wish.” Win pushed his shoulder lightly with his and settled back down, finalizing the scene. The director still didn’t cut, though, and he was starting to feel the heat creep up his legs, all the way through his stomach and up to his ears at the proximity.

Win startled him when he spoke up. “Hey... how do you kiss people til they drop?” His eyes found his. Bright wasn’t so sure he trusted whatever moves Sarawat demanded of him so he simply stared at the pair of lips beside him. This is it, Sarawat thinks.

“Like this.” He propped his upper body up on the couch enough that he had Win pinned against his upper body and the side of the couch.

It all happened so quickly. Sarawat leaned down, biting his lip as he tried to kiss Tine below him. That never happened, because just as he was about to press firmly against them, Win turned his head and he landed on his cheek. A little embarrassed, he yelled out a sharp “Cut!” to finalize the scene himself.

He almost kissed him.

❂

Bright laid on the wooden table outside the patio, hands supporting behind his head, hypnotized with the twinkling orbs of gas adorning the night sky, indigo blue shadows casted all around him in the quiet night.

He remembered distantly that he read somewhere before – stars were smaller forms of planets that had burned out thousands of years ago, but people could only see their light now because they were so far away from them.

In the same distant state of mind, he wondered if they would be like one of those stars – burning themselves out trying to please the world.

He heard faint footsteps. Win stood and stared at him spread on the wood table. He glanced at the source of Bright’s attention.

“Cant believe it’s almost over.” He whispered just loud enough for him to hear over the sound of cicadas echoing from the wet grass.

Somehow, he instantly understood the weight those words carried, and how it was far more than either of them would admit out loud.

Bright looked on up at the spectacle of shimmery lights dancing infinitely above him, the leaves sprouting from the trees around the night sky as an abstract frame. 

He stole a glance at Win - he looked just as beautiful as the sky, his fair skin bathed in moonlight, pensive eyes on his face as he too admired the stellar cosmic wonder.

For a moment he feels someone like Win could do his name more justice.

Bright briefly wondered if the mood shift had anything to do with the stars dancing above their heads or the citrusy air that blew Win’s hair away from his face, revealing glittery eyes. Or maybe, just  maybe , it was the sudden realization that he had missed all those chances that had been gifted to him as his character.

Bright acted on impulse. That’s who he was now, he preferred to let his body guide him, so he lets it.

He pushed himself up and off the table. He only needed three steps - one, two, three - and Win was right in front of him, smile faltering at their proximity, eyes never leaving his own. His hand reached up and ruffled his hair, much the same way Sarawat would.

“It has begun.”

❂

Bright - or rather, he was Sarawat now - tapped his feet impatiently, looking away from Tine when he explained he would tell his brother about their relationship when he’s in a better mood. Sarawat couldn’t help but think back to all the months he endured to finally be with Tine, only for his status to be dropped in mere  seconds .

Tine wrapped his hands around his forearm, shaking him slightly. Sarawat shot him a deafening glare, trying hard to hold back Bright as he threatened to take over. A  friend ? It’s always a  friend . After everything that’s happened between them, was that all Bright would ever be?

“I’m just a friend when your brother is around. How about in reality, what am I?” His words came out more demanding than intended, and Win opened his eyes wide in shock, eyes diverting around the room in search for a clue of what was happening because that most certainly wasn't in the script.

Okay Win.. Just relax. He was  Tine . He had to stay  Tine . 

He just hoped the camera didn’t catch the nervousness. “Your boyfriend.”

Bright’s heart thrummed in his rib cage, all the blood in his body seemed to rush to his ears at Win’s low, embarrassed tone. The logical part of him knew it was Sarawat’s character in him that urged him to do it. Then that same logical part of him would tell him that he is, in fact, Sarawat. The character came through him - his feelings, his actions, his thoughts - they came alive through Bright.

Sarawat wanted to kiss him, he really did. Tine had been teasing him for months now and he was ready to explore the more physical side of their relationship. A guy could only handle so much.

He could just blame it all on acting later.

He leaned forward, his face was a couple of inches away. Win shivered. “If I’m your boyfriend then tonight can I...” Lips right by his ears, he whispered, “Can I kiss you?”

He heard the little inhale of Win's breath right in his ear-so close they could easily have been making out already if not for the fact that Bright's chin was rested idly on his shoulder during the process. He felt the palm of a hand pushing at his chest, and then heard an embarrassed “Shit!”

Win's expression was wide open, mouth parted softly (eminently kissable), watching him with a pleased confusion that looked fantastic on him.

Sarawat calculated precisely how little effort it would take to lean forward and cover those lips with his own. So little, so close and warm like this. A surge of energy coursed through his nerves, and he was acting before he had the chance to think-

“Say yes to that or I continue pouting.” Tine’s face was turning a deep hue of red at their proximity, eyes falling to the ground, hesitant, unsure, timid.His eyes fell to Win’s lips as the forementioned diverted his eyes from his, ears reddening. They were so close to each other, he could feel the heat emanating from his body. There was still hesitation on the younger boys face.

Sarawat's hands slithered past his waist and interlocked his fingers behind him, pressure on the curve of his back. He felt a tingling sensation when he felt Tine’s breath hit his lips. “Yes or no?”

No response. Bright might have felt rejected any other time, but the way Tine was looking at him just fueled Sarawat’s dominant instincts. The familiar feeling wanted to tear its way out of him right  now .

Sarawat leaned forward, teeth lightly nipping the creamy exposed neck right under Tine’s ears. Electricity shot through his skin where Sarawat’s lips brushed, making Tine shiver at the tingling sensation. 

He wanted to kiss him. He wasn’t sure a simple peck on the lips would be enough, either.

Instead, Sarawat went for another neck attack, failing to hold back his smile when Tine’s shiver reverberated through his body. 

This smile was so rare outside the two of them. 

A voice glitched through the radio and they were back in thick of public spectacle.

Bright’s heart started beating in his chest so fast that he felt a sense of panic. He stumbled a bit and pushed Win on the bed harshly, jumping on after him to finalize the scene. Win started laughing maniacally on the bed, ears reddening with every second, and Bright couldn’t help but join in on the laughter to ease some of the tension they felt.

“Cut!” The director yelled, and that finalized their work day.

❂

The cold air hit him once more as he walked out the front of the building. Bright crossed his arms tightly as he headed to his car. It was fucking _cold_. He could swear that in the thirty minutes it had been since they finished filming the temperature had dropped. His car was parked in the guest parking lot which was technically not what he was supposed to do but since he knew they were out late today and wanted to cut as much time from his trip that he possibly could.

Bright glanced over his shoulder at the remaining staff saying goodbye for the night in the lot. He could see everyone getting ready to close up. He turned back around and stared at Win. The kid looked _nervous_. Bright had never seen him like that before. For once Win was the one that was out of place.

Bright stared at him. “It’s kind of cold,” he said. “We should get out of here.”

“Yeah,” agreed Win. His brown eyes met Bright’s and he colored despite himself at the remembrance of the day.

Bright struggled to resist the smile that tugged at his lips. Some things never changed.

Bright glanced around them. Darkened restaurants, almost-empty parking lots, and a littering of fast food chains that dotted their side of the busy highway. It was pretty dead. His eyes settled on the other side of the highway. “Come to my place?”

Win tilted his head. “For what?” He's not entirely sure that would be a good idea. 

“Let’s watch a movie. I’ve got a couple left over beers.”

Win turned to him nervously, hesitating for a second before finally breathing out a soft. “Okay.”

They both got into his car and started the drive to Bright’s condo. It had been a strange day. There were so many questions zapping through his mind but he had no idea if he should even ask. He didn’t know if prying would seem too weird to the older boy. Neither of them had even mentioned what happened at the party or the following days at all.

Win turned up the music and pushed the button to open the car window even though it was cold as shit out, leaning against the passenger seat and enjoying the cool night air. He could feel the crisp coolness on his cheeks.

Win pondered his words, turning to Bright as he sped off on the highway.

“Green looks good on you.” Win pointed out, pointing to the forest colored shirt Bright changed into after filming for the day. He didn't stare this time, though, something he was proud of.

Bright’s eyes remained on the road, as they should have, but he gave him a quick nod and he could see a small tug upwards on his lips.

Twenty-two minutes later and they’re closing Bright’s apartment door behind them. Bright casually made his way to the couch while Win took off his shoes. Bright turned on his XBox and started to set up a movie. Win came and sat beside him on the couch, waiting. After the movie was starting, Bright got up to quickly grab snacks from the kitchen. “Do you want some chips?”

”Do you even have to ask?”

Bright chuckled and threw a bag of potato chips across the room towards Win. He grabbed a pair of beers and on his way back to the couch grabbed his glasses from the table where he left it by the _2gether_ book to see the movie better. He put them on and came to sit beside Win again.

After the movie started, Win turned and looked at Bright sitting next to him. He was enraptured by the movie. He looked like a complete dumbass with his glasses perched on his nose but somehow he still made it look kind of cool. He was completely ignoring the pack of chips he brought. And yet, as enraptured as he was, he seemed to pick up on Win looking at him and turned and looked at him, too, but his look was of concern.

“Is it boring?” Bright whispered at him.

Win shook his head. Bright grinned at him, short and quick, and turned his attention back onto the movie. Win didn’t move. He couldn’t stop staring at Bright.

Win turned his attention back onto the movie and noticed a second thing; Bright leaned almost towards him, close enough that they were almost touching but not quite close enough that they did touch, with his hand laid between them on the couch. Win leaned awkwardly away from Bright because he didn’t want to be too close. It was hard to describe. It was like sitting next to him or being in the same room as him just wasn’t good enough.

Win took a deep breath and shifted slightly so that instead of leaning away from Bright, he now leaned towards him. He rested his hand on the couch as well. Their hands were touching. It wasn’t too much; But to him, it was like a fire had started in between them. The hairs on his arm all felt hypersensitive and when Bright would make the slightest movement a chill would run over his whole body.

He glanced over at Bright once more and wondered if he noticed the same thing but his friend just kept watching the movie. Win couldn’t help the disappointment from settling in his gut. It wasn’t right; it wasn’t fucking right. He was _trying_ to get Bright's attention. What was wrong with him?

Bright moved away from Win. He opened up his chips and started to shove them into his mouth. He kept his eyes glued to the screen and tried to enjoy the rest of the movie.

It had to be past one in the morning. Bright tried not to think about how early he had to wake up. After the movie came to an end, he exhaled a yawn. The yawn caught Win’s attention. “Tired?”

Bright nodded mid yawn. He felt strange. He’d watched the movie but somehow none of it really stuck with him. He’d felt so distracted the whole time that all he really remembered was the beginning of the movie. After that all he could think about was Win. 

Embarrassed with himself, Bright leaned back against the coldness of the couch, closing his eyes. Bliss was the sensation of cool fabric on his heated skin.

Win was becoming obsessed with the profile view his friend possessed. He liked his physique; his lips, his eyebrows and the way his eyelids wrinkled around his eyes. The way black and green looked on him, his rebellious but elegant style. He had never been so attracted to someone...

It was quiet for a few minutes. Bright’s brown orbs turned to him, feeling the intense gaze. His eyes are entrancing, like the dancing of flames, and Win found himself shifting forward despite not knowing what on earth he intended to do once he got there, let alone where _there_ even was. Bright turned his body towards him on the couch, raising his hand to land on Win’s hair. “What..."

Win didn’t flinch or pull away. He closed his eyes, marveling at the feeling of fingers traveling to the base of his head and neck, and he _shuddered_. A coy smile tugged at the corner of Bright’s lips, returning his hand upwards.

It felt nice. Like really, really _nice_ . He looked curiously at the older boy, feeling the warmth from his eyes. The magnetism between them felt thicker than it ever felt, and he wondered if the beers were partially to blame.

The Xbox had been idle long enough it went on sleep mode, and the room blacked out when the screen went black. Still, the fingers in his hair remained.

If Bright continued, he would do something he would regret.

 _Do it_. The voice in his head that was nothing approaching a conscience informed him.

And so, of course, he did.

Bright watched curiously as Win hesitantly propped himself on the couch to turn his body fully towards him, shakily grabbing the hand in his hair and letting both of their hands fall on the middle of the couch between them. The moment seemed to have frozen in place, both boys searching each other for answers to questions they swore they’d never ask.

Win held his breath and closed his eyes, letting go of Bright's hand on the couch and placing it on his chest for support. The distance between their lips disappeared, the touch slow and fragile. He felt Bright's racing heartbeat in his palm.

Because Bright still didn't know the 'why', he was blameless. Completely blameless, and not responsible for _any_ of this.

Bright’s eyes fell close. He tilted his head to better access the sweetness Win was offering, feeling a sense of nirvana as his lips slid slowly across his. Win breathed into the kiss and Bright took the chance to trail the tip of his tongue over his lip, tasting fresh mint. Bright deepened the kiss, sliding arms around his waist and falling back against the couch, pulling Win on top of him.

Win’s entire body convulsed in a deep shiver, taking oxygen directly from Bright.He felt pressure around his waist pulling him closer. The way his friend controlled the kiss was making his mind haze with new feelings he didn’t realize possible.

They broke the brief kiss and stared right into each other's eyes. There were so many questions swimming in both pairs of brown irises, a puzzle neither thought they had to solve.

Win gulped, his knees pushed on the couch between Bright's legs. Bright gave them both a push against him that rolled them over so that Win was now lying on the couch where Bright had been a moment ago. Bright's scent on the seats and above him filled Win's senses. Win was briefly reminded this was the same position Bright had him in at the gym, and he swallowed. He closed his eyes, turning his head to hide his embarrassment, fingers curling unconsciously tight on either side of him.

Bright felt his stomach lurch with heat as he looked down at Win, sprawled passively on the couch under him. The change in positions had caused his shirt to slide down and almost completely off of Win's left shoulder, presenting a provocative view of creamy, vulnerable skin. He was flushed from his throat to his ear tips.

Win inhaled, pulling in Bright's scent deeply into his lungs as his gaze slid down the other's body. _Close._ Bright was so close to him. He probably should have felt threatened... but he didn't. Win felt something else entirely. The musician's eyes were slightly glassy, but there was a silent, almost dark intensity in them that Win had not expected to see and for half a moment Win faltered as he was caught by Bright's gaze, his heart skipping a beat.

Bright crushed his lips against Win's and he whimpered, hand sliding up Bright's shoulders to hold onto _something,_ all his nerves alive and alight. His hand slid up Win's clothed thigh, curling under his knees and holding him close. He kissed and devoured him with increasing hunger, his lips trembling ever so slightly. His free hand slid down to trace the front of Win's dress shirt, savoring the feeling of the fabric under his fingertips as he undid the rest of Win's button slowly.

Each moment Win was this close to him, each time his fingers lightly, unintentionally brushed his skin as he worked the buttons, it was getting harder and harder for Bright to restrain the urge to strip the boy and mark what's his because-

Because he wanted this. 

Win tugged at Bright's shirt, almost in too much of a rush to manage to get it off. He was so close he could hardly think, but he knew what he wanted.

Bright felt like he was going to fly apart, his heart thudding wildly in his chest. He wanted _more_...

Win was pulled away hastily, confused dark orbs staring blankly into the darkness.

"You should go," Win heard the whisper, a certain tone of irritation, and immediately the thud of a door echoed behind Bright as he disappeared into the bathroom.


	8. Allergies

Escape. That was all Bright could really think of when his body started caving. He needed to escape the person that was forcing him to acknowledge this. How did he do that? Why did he do that? He didn't really care if he bumped into stuff, all he could think of was escaping the gaze that kept looking at him as if he could sense all his secrets. He headed straight for the bathroom door and slipped in between the crack, slamming it shut behind him.

He heard a sudden crash of thunder and looked towards the small window on his bathroom, noticing the heavy rainfall. He swallowed the lump that formed in his throat. He could hear the sound of footsteps and the click of a door on the other side of the wall. Fuck, everything was so messed up.

Bright whispered to the crisp bathroom air, exhaling steadily while trying to sort his thoughts. _Okay…No more running from your feelings. Just face it okay? I like hanging out with him, I like being with him…_ He paused, hand coming up and spreading on his chest as if he could force his heart to stop beating so fast. He paused, his eyes looking for answers in the darkness once more. _I don’t know what that means._ He walked towards the cold wall and rested his forehead on it, closing his eyes and sighing into it. _Am I gay_?

Bright winced at the word. _Gay_. 

Was that what this was about to Bright? Was it the concept of them being gay? Was it the concept of another person seeing him with a _guy_ as something more than just friends? Was it the fact that if he was gay then he didn’t even know who the fuck he was? That everything that he thought he knew was all a lie?

He had been chasing and avoiding the answer simultaneously. All those times he felt Sarawat leading him bubbled up in his head. He knows now that he wasn’t giving into Sarawat but rather it was Sarawat giving into him.

What had he done? He felt his lips tingling at the ghost memory of Win’s lips on them, and then all the butterflies in his stomach decided in that moment to dance, and his cheeks flushed and he was shaking.

❂

Win felt raw. There was an emotional heat swimming within him; through the ache in his belly and the hollow under his heart.

He came home, but lucky for him, everyone was already asleep. He welcomed the silence with open arms and reveled in it, but the comfort of knowing his family was around was soothing. He pressed his forehead against the window, sighing deeply so that his breath fogged the glass. 

Then the mist cleared and he was staring, once again, into the dark emptiness of night, the rain pounding against the concrete as if it, too, understood his heavy sorrow.

He felt his throat constricting with phlegm and repressed coughs. He really didn’t need to get sick on top of all this, but he didn’t care. He didn’t have the energy to change out of his wet clothes.

He couldn’t sleep; how could he? He had just been blatantly rejected. And he really thought…

Struck by a sudden sense of longing, he got off the window porch seat and opened his closet, pulling out a stack of memories he had saved throughout filming when he first started. He’s been meaning to take that to his condo - it would be better if it was there right now - far from him in this state.

As he settled himself back onto his porch seat, he pulled on a blanket on his wet body and sorted through the stacks of papers and photographs. He stopped at a polaroid picture they had taken a few months back.

Bright and himself. They were smiling like the world would never end, and as if this would last forever.

Win started to cry. One tear slid down the curve of his face, then another. He did not understand why the loss of something he never had pained him so much.

He sobbed helplessly into the top of his knees; his tears dappling the material with darker shades of its base color.

“Why does it have to be you?” he sobbed, covering his mouth with his palm so that his family would not realize he was crying in the dead of the night over something that would never come to be.

❂

The morning sun was bright in the sky, warming the cold morning air slightly. The air was crisp from the rain, the sky itself was clear except for a few puffy white clouds that hung in the air. It looked like the bad weather had finally cleared.

His hands were numb from the cold as he took another long drag off his cigarette, blowing the smoke out above his head. He was glad no one was out; he looked pretty fucking pathetic sitting in front of his porch with mismatched green colored sweats, a red hoodie, and Nevy’s forgotten yellow colored beanie that had stupid fur on top of it. And with his crazy hair and big round glasses, he probably looked psychotic.

He stuck his cold hand into his pocket and reached for his cell phone, the need of comfort tugging at him as he dangled Sarawat’s bracelets in his other hand. He knew who he should call and talk to about all this shit with. He just hoped that it wasn’t too early. He scrolled through the contacts and hit dial, putting the phone up to his ear.

After a couple of rings the phone was picked up. “Hey, Bright!”

“Hey Gigie,” mumbled Bright. He plucked the cigarette from between his lips and put it out on the step beside him. “Were you asleep?”

She giggled into the mouthpiece. “I wasn’t. Girl’s night. We watched all the Alien movies we could find. We just got done with Clowns From Outer Space. God, what a trip.”

He had no clue what she was talking about. “Yeah.”

There were a few other giggles in the room. “So, what’s up? You called me!”

Bright lit himself another cigarette. “Can they hear?”

“No,” said Gigie. She shushed the other people in the room with her. “Yes, he’s hot. Ew, no, he’s my friend! No, he’s not single.”

“Um, Gigie?”

“Sorry,” she said, hissing at them to be quiet one last time. “Sorry, they were asking about you.”

Bright suddenly felt very stupid for calling her. Maybe it wasn’t really something he should be talking with her about, anyhow. He probably should talk to Win about it all, first, but the thought of doing that without any kind of reassurance was pretty fucking frightening. “It’s cool.”

“You alright?” she asked. “You sound down. Is this about, you know…Nevy?”

He snorted on his inhale, burning his nostrils with the acrid smoke. “No, we broke up.”

“What?!" 

“Yeah…”

"I should have guessed,” she said. 

“It's just... ” Bright paused. He wasn't entirely sure he should be telling Gigie about this. As close as they were to each other, whatever he had with Win was private. However, he was itching for Gigie's advice. She always knew how to get him out of bad situations with Nevy before so there was nothing to lose.

“Is everything alright?”

Bright licked his lips. “I-it’s about Win.” he blurted out.

“Huh?” she asked, sounding shocked. “You mean it finally happened?”

_Finally happened_? What was she talking about? “What?” He asked, sounding just as confused as he was feeling. “What do you mean finally happened?”

He could hear the roll of her eyes on the other line by the tone of her voice. “You weren’t exactly low-key about it.”

Bright frowned. Was he that obvious? He took a deep breath, inhaling a shaky breath through his nose.

“I guess?” He exhaled slowly through his mouth. “I don’t fucking know, Gigie. I…I almost lost control.” He stuttered into the phone.

“Wait…Did you do it? did you have _the_ moment?”

Bright hesitated. “What moment?” Bright felt the heat creep up his ears, his vivid imagination suddenly attacking him. “We didn’t have sex if that’s what you are asking, but… we kissed.”

“Oh my God, Bright!” She squealed. He could hear all the other girls practically begging to know what the gossip was. His face reddened even though there was no one around.

“So, what does this mean?” continued Gigie. “Why are you calling me? Did he-uh,” she broke off and coughed for a second, not wanting to out someone without their approval. “Did _she_ not like it?”

“No, he was the one that kissed me,” he said. “I just…I don’t know. Is it weird? I feel… weird about it.”

“Well…it’s been a couple of months, right? And, I mean, you do feel that way about her, right?”

Bright stared at the fluffy clouds in the sky. “I think so?” He whispered hesitantly.

This time, it was Gigie who hesitated. “What do you mean you think so?”

“It’s not like this is, you know, forever,” said Bright. The words felt weird to say and left him with an uncomfortable feeling in his gut. “It’s gonna end eventually.”

“Why?” asked Gigie, her voice quiet. “I mean…you think that you _like_ her, Bright. like. Why could that not turn into forever?”

“Because I don’t know if it really is like, Gigie,” answered Bright. “What if it’s just…confusion? It’s not like we can keep this shit up. It has to end eventually or else-”

“Or else everyone will know,” answered Gigie for him. “Is that so bad?”

“Uh..yeah?” said Bright. “I still don’t even know if I am…you know. What if I meet a girl later and I really like her and I had already come out because of some temporary thing I have going on with Win?”

“If you really think this way about her, you shouldn’t be with her,” she said. “I don’t think she would like you using your relationship to discover what you want. If you really think this way, you should probably stop before you really hurt her.”

“I don’t think Win looks at it like that,” said Bright but the words sounded weak, even to him. Win was probably in the same boat. He had the big-name father and the knight-fenced childhood and the perfect family. Win had just as much, if not more, to hide than Bright did.

“Do you _like_ him?” She repeated asked.

The cigarette dropped some ash onto his sweatpants, and he felt the heat and winced. He almost dropped the cigarette. He remained silent for a solid minute, before speaking up. “I don’t know.”

“If you’re calling to ask me if it was a mistake that you kissed then I think my answer is pretty clear, Bright. Yes, I think it was a mistake if you aren’t sure about it. Where is she now? Like, how did you leave it off?”

“He… he left after I told him to go and hid in my bathroom.” He mumbled weakly to the other line, sounding pathetic to himself.

“Shit,” she said. “You guys should talk, Bright. R _eally_ talk. That’s all I can say. And Bright? Thinking about stuff afterwards is usually too late. You know?”

He winced. “Yeah, I guess.”

“Right,” she said. “So go, talk. Like, now. Before it really is too late.”

Bright dangled the bracelet in his fingers, staring deeply at it. “Yeah… I will. I gotta go, Gigie. Thanks”

“No problem,” she answered. “Later!”

He hung up the phone and slipped it into his pocket. He had a lot to talk to Win about when he saw him on Monday.

❂

Over 24 hours later and he’s standing in front of his car contemplating going to Win’s condo, rain falling steadily, dripping on his shoulders and in the fringe of hair over his eyes, his fingers were numb and he dialed the number for the house line for no real reason. Imagined the ring echoing around in the living room like it always did because Win never used the landline, but his grandmother still used it to call him.

It rang 5 times, and he counted thirteen rain drops in his hair, and then Win’s voice said, "Hello?" and his throat closed around itself.

"I didn't mean it," Bright blurted out before he could change his mind and go back to being confused and terrified because it was everyone else's fault that the world threw his life in for a loop. "I take it back.”

For a minute it was quiet in the way the world is only quiet when it's raining. Everything distant is muffled, everything close is crisp but brief, the universe exists only as it surrounds him in sparkling damp raindrops on his nose and the chill of air that makes him feel warmer under his forest green shirt.

He thought he could hear heavy breathing on the other end of the line. Then a radio-quiet, “…Okay.”

“Okay...?” He whispered into the speakers in disbelief at the lack of resistance from the other line. 

He heard a small cough on the other line and a mumbled tiredly whispered. “…Yeah.” 

“Okay… see you Monday.” He ended the call a moment later. He felt his heart skip and exhaled a breath he didn’t know he was holding, knowing it wasn’t enough. He needed to see him.

He tucked the cell in his pocket and opened the car door, hopping inside before he could chicken out.

❂

Win came back to his condo early Sunday before his family had even woken up. They had noticed his puffy eyes all Saturday, and had been throwing him questions all day. His throat had also been constricting around itself the same way it always did when he got a cold for allergies, so he wanted to be home to rest before heading back to work the new week. The first thing he did the moment he closed the door was crash onto his bed, not bothering to lock it behind him. 

He dozed off… and stirred awake a couple of hours later to a phone call from Bright. Said phone call drained the rest of his energy, so he tucked himself back in bed and dozed off once more. Moments later, the distant echo of a door registered in the haze of his mind.

Win peered over the edge of his blankets into the gloom of his bedroom, hulking pillows stacked in one corner, long curtains across the window that covered all light from outside, and the silhouette of a boy just to the side near the door. 

He pulled the sheets back away from his mouth and under his chin.

Shuffle of blankets, soft whining - he felt like shit.

“What the hell kind of lifestyle do you have that you sleep until 3 in the afternoon?”Bright smirked at the boy from across the room, sauntering towards the bed. “Next time I find your door unlocked I’m stealing something.”

“Getting lectured by you about my lifestyle has got to be the funniest thing that’s happened to me all year.” Win mumbled groggily. 

"You look like hell.” Bright whistled. 

“Thank you.” He cleared his throat, turning on the bed and sinking into the mattress, closing his eyes. “I have a cold and I was planning to sleep.”

“A cold?” Bright tilted his head “You’re such a beansprout.”

Win sighed. Of course he wouldn’t get it. Bright didn’t even understand himself. He rolled over on the bed, turning away from Bright. After thinking through what happened that night and calming his heartache, he had decided to give up. He would remain friends with the guy, but that’s it. “You wouldn’t get it.”

He felt the dip of the bed behind him as the pressure of a heavy weight set itself on it, and he felt tentative fingers gracing the back of his arm. “How sick can you be if you’re still this talkative?” Bright whispered, and Win hated the way his skin instantly tingled where he touched.

Win quickly turned around and sat up, raising a hand to push Bright away but his movements were slow and wobbly, and Bright’s fingers circled around his wrists and gripped it tightly. Suddenly, everything around him was blurring and he swayed forward. He shut his eyes as everything started fading to black, dropping his forehead on Bright’s shoulder for support.

“Win?” Bright froze, feeling Win’s warm breath on his collarbone through the fabric of his shirt. 

Win collected all the strength he could and raised his head to stare at Bright, his nose and cheeks were flushed and his eyes seemed to dilate as he stared into his eyes. “I don’t feel very good,” He mumbled. "You should go home so you don’t get sick.”

Bright ignored him, feeling the same hot air from his collarbone caressing his face. He closed his eyes and leaned forward, bumping his forehead against Win’s. Time seemed to stop.

“Looks like you have a fever.” Win’s entire face flushed redder than it did the night they kissed 10 times over. His fingers curled into the fabric of his shirt, breath hitching - 

_What is he thinking…_

“Did you take medicine?” Bright pulled away from his forehead, and Win turned his dark orbs on him. Bright’s closeness was making his head explode. 

“Mm… I just took some,” He replied tiredly, quivering when Bright’s other hand spread around his neck, feeling the temperature. He was so warm…

Win’s half-lidded eyes kept darting from his eyes to his lips. He wobbled forward and pressed his cheek on Bright’s shoulder. “You are warm…”

Bright froze for a split second before he hesitantly circled his arms around Win, pulling all of him in, breathing somewhere in the hair of his ears and squeezing him tightly.

Win had no idea how secure he would feel with him before this. 

He sank back into the haze as the cocoon closed back over him, his wings still wet, his strength not fully acquired.

Bright tightened his arms when he felt Win give in to him. He heard a muffled “…Hurts.” Bright loosened his arms, whispering to the younger boy an apologetic “Sorry.”

Bright pushed Win down on the bed and pulled on the covers on him. “You should rest… I’m going back.” He got up from the bed.

“Don’t leave…” Came the quiet murmur.

Bright felt something flutter in his stomach. 

He untucked his forest green shirt - he’d picked it because it was warm and soft and, mostly, because green was steadily becoming his new favorite color - and pulled off his shoes.

“Alright, move.” Hesitantly, Win scooted over and Bright climbed on the bed and over the covers. He pulled Win towards him, tucking his head under his chin and draping his free arm over his hip. He could feel Win’s breath on his collarbone again, something that was rapidly soothing his racing heartbeat. “Recover quickly or I’ll kill you if you get worse.” He whispered.

Win huffed tiredly and relaxed into his arms, nuzzling into the warmth that surrounded him. It made him feel safe. He vaguely remembered anything after that, his mind giving in to sleep.


	9. Pillowtalk

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warning: NC // R18+

Before Bright even opened his eyes he was aware that he was in unfamiliar surroundings. There was something about the coolness in the air, the strange feeling of the sheets against his body, and the odd cognizance of the fact that he wasn’t alone that brought him from his deep slumber into the quietness of night.

Peeking his eyes open, he looked around him. The room was dark with only the barest cracks of light escaping from the curtains that covered the windows, splashing the gray wood floors with slivers of cool moonlight. A rumpled pile of video-games and clothes were scattered on the floor in his line of vision.

He was sprawled near the edge of the bed, face up, with one arm over the side. On his other arm, he could feel the heaviness of someone else thrown over his shoulders.

He pushed himself half up and rubbed the sleepiness from his eyes. He turned to Win. They were wrapped in silence, Win’s hands spread across his stomach, still fast asleep. His mouth was slightly parted and Bright could hear the gentle inhale and exhale of his breath. Win slept like someone who had no cares or worries. His dark lashes fluttered slightly as he slept.

The boy in his arms laid peacefully on him, and he wanted to stay like that a moment longer, his skin warm against his, his scent invading his senses and his gentle face calming the raging river within him. If he could, he would stay an eternity longer.

They’d napped together countless times before yet this felt completely different. He could already feel a mental shift in the way his thoughts came calmly and collectively instead of in their usual panicked confusion. If that didn’t mean something, he didn’t know what did.

Bright raised a hand and ran it through Win’s hair gently, hoping that Win didn’t wake at the ministration. Unfortunately, Win’s eyes fluttered sleepily at him and blinked open a couple of times. Win’s eyes flashed wide open upon gaining his full vision and sprung up on the bed, hands buried in his fluffy blanket for support. “Umm… Bright.” 

He looked away from Bright, noticing the still quiet darkness “What time is it?”

Bright fumbled around the bed for his phone, feeling the cold metal against his fingers somewhere to his left. “11PM.”

“We slept all day...”

Bright made a confirming sound in the back of his throat. He lifted his eyes back to Win. He could tell the younger boy was tense and something was on his mind. He cleared his throat and turned towards him.

“Bright, this whole… _thing_ …that just happened, the…you know…” His tongue felt heavy in his mouth as he tried to find a way to say it without sounding completely stupid. “The kiss, and earlier… It’s just…”

A smirk broke across Bright’s features upon hearing the nervousness laced through those words and the way his ears reddened. “I take it you liked it.” He whispered cockily when Win didn’t finish. 

Of course Bright had to say something like that to make it worse for him. Win took a deep breath and wanted to say something as equally smartass back to him but he literally had nothing. Instead, memories of the kiss and earlier took the place of any comeback. His heart thumped in his chest at the remembrance of it all.

“Yeah, I did-” It was out before he could stop it, and suddenly he's stuck in place, muscles tensed, afraid to move and afraid to breathe. He threw a hand up to shield his eyes, as if doing so would hide his embarrassment.

Bright was frozen, as well, and Win had to squint his eyes close through his fingers because fuck if he's going to look and see that self-satisfied expression on the arrogant boy's face.

"Win," he heard after a moment of silence. It was soft and didn't at all sound like he was expecting, and yes, maybe he had a penchant for pain, because he had to know - he had to see what image matched that tone. He removed his hand, and blinked up into brown-colored eyes. “How are you feeling?”

Win blinked up at him, thinking about the question. How did he feel? More energetic, that was for sure. He could feel himself flushing, but most of the heat came from the situation they were currently in and not from his body. He felt a lot better after the nap and his medicine too. “Better.”

“Thats good.” Bright continued smiling. “So everything is cool?”. He was looking over at Win with mild concern.

“Everything’s cool,” answered Win, relaxing his posture with a small smile tugging at his lips. 

Bright flashed his teeth in a wide smile, then stared down at his phone for a second.“I have to get going.”

Any other day Win would have told Bright to stay, that he could just borrow hisclothes for work tomorrow and they could carpool to save gas, but he really wanted to be alone with his thoughts to work through them, so he nodded absentmindedly. Bright got out of the bed and slipped into his sneakers, turning to face him as he tied the shoelaces. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Win nodded and gave him a small wave. Before Bright stepped out of his room, he glanced over his shoulders. “I’ll lock the door for you.” He tilted his head towards the living room knowing Win understood. Win couldn’t see clearly through the darkness but the flash of light from his living room shining on Bright’s face gave him the idea he was smiling. “Good night.”

❂

_Bright was sure he saw Win disappearing into the garage. The party was getting pretty loud at this point, alcohol and other possible substances working their magic, but even so he couldn't imagine Win sneaking away. Still, the logic that the whiskey sloshing around his neurons allowed him insisted, if he had gone downstairs, then following him might be a good idea._

_He cracked open the door to the garage, stepping into the dimly lit space and closing the door behind him. He looked around and was surprised to find no one there._

_“So you’re a stalker now?” Win’s_ _voice was low and teasing, and Bright stopped in his tracks, turning around to face him. Win had an oversized cream button up with the top half buttons open, exposing the smooth skin on his chest. His neck was adorned by a red choker with a small rabbit chain on it, and his legs were clad in white skinny jeans. His hair fell in waves around his face, his lips dipped in rose tint and a golden flare to his cheeks, looking extra innocent, although the way he coiled his body was anything but._

_They were too close to each other. Far, far too close and Bright swallowed. Win walked towards and leaned back against the pool table, a single light bulb dangling a foot or two above him._

_Bright looked on curiously, striding towards him._

_"This isn't even my place," he commented, voice of reason, but he was moving closer, and the closer he got the more the corner of Win's mouth curled up into a smirk._

_Win chuckled, leaned forward when he was close enough and their noses were touching and Bright’s hands were sliding around his waist, Win’s hands were settled on the table on either side of him and they were so fucking close. Win's smile had become coy, eyes slitting. "You worry too much.”_

_“Not anymore.”_ _Bright’s eyes slipped closed, he tilted his head forward and they were kissing._

_Bright had imagined this, so many times; imagined how Win would sigh into his mouth, slide his hands over shoulders, tilt his head and press up, demanding. Imagined how Win would fist his hands in the fabric of his shirt and gasp when it deepened, imagined the little tremors that ran through them when their tongues slid against each other, but—_

_Their bodies s_ _hivering and pressing tight together, Win's fingers in his hair, their combined breaths in between. Bright had never imagined them like this._

_Win was the first one to moan, all their movements becoming faster, more deliberate. Pressing close, their fingers curling, Bright's hands under Win's shirt, Win's hands over his shoulders, down to his chest and his fingers popping open the buttons of his shirt, marveling at all the smooth skin that was under his fingers as the top slid right off. Bright pushed Win back on the pool table, unbuttoning and taking Win’s pants off swiftly before he went back to his mouth. He broke the kiss and trailed his mouth over Win's neck while unbuckling his own belt and releasing his painfully hard self._

_Their hips rubbed together, little needy sounds in each other's mouths. Bright wasn't leaning on the pool table anymore, leaning on Win as his mouth slid down to suck on his throat, sliding his tongue from beneath his ear down to his neck, leaving a hard bite and whispering little murmurs of his name against the skin._

_The sound of both of them panting drowned the music from above. Win's hands trailed down the sides of Bright's shirt and Bright's hands circled around to cup his ass, forcing them together in a slow, hard grind. Win’s head dropped back and his voice stifled a moan in ecstasy._

_Fuck, he was losing control of himself, one hand trailing down from his ass to grab Win’s thigh, grabbing the skin and wrapping it around his hips as he pushed his hips faster. Had to pray a little in the back of his mind that no one came down and found them because he knew he wouldn’t be able to stop._

_Bright had him all but writhing in his arms, the way they were moving together a perfect rhythm. Something like a growl in between their lips and Win gasped, "God," he let out a deep sigh and buried his fingers in Bright's hair, tugging his head back so he could press their foreheads together. Not kissing, just breathing there, both of them panting, both pairs of brown eyes glazed with lust. "Fuck me.”_

_Oh, Bright had imagined that voice in his ears, those words whispered breathlessly into them._

_He mustered all his strength and picked up the younger boy, walking them towards a wall for better support. He had never been more thankful for his bulking up than in that moment, feeling the solid warmth of Win surrounding all of him. He wanted more of it._

_Bright placed sloppy, careless kisses on every inch of Win’s skin before he found a resting spot in the crook between Win’s neck and shoulders. He placed his head there as he pushed himself into the boy’s body until they were melded perfectly together._

_He grunted into the neck, feeling his legs wrap tighter around him, all those muscles flexing under his skin, hearing that voice moan in his ears again and again as he wetly slid in and out of him, “god, Bright, yes-“  
_

_❂_

He woke with a start, hands clenching the cold fabric of the comforter covering his bed. He broke out into a cold sweat, shaking some of the heat away from his hands. What the fuck was _that_?

His joggers were tenting proudly under the comforter, springing shamelessly through it in a perfect display. Fuck, he would need to take care of that now, wouldn’t he?

He glanced at his phone on his side. 7AM. Around 2 hours before heading to work.

He reached up nervously with his right hand and grabbed his length in his palm. He paused there for a moment and tried to steady himself. Bright squeezed his eyes shut and let his imagination take over.

It felt strange and surreal to masturbate to another boy, but his mind brought up the tantalizing scenario that had been abruptly cut off in his dream, anyway. He slowly worked his way down his length until he could feel the tip of his head pressed against the palm of his hand. He tried to focus on keeping his movement steady and strong.

There was no working around what he was doing anymore. “ _Fuck_ ,” Bright whispered as he began to bob his hands up and down. The gentle sliding motion of his hands sliding against the back of his skin made him want to come right then and there. He felt like he couldn’t catch his breath as the images formed in his brain, Win thrashing in his arms, back flat against the wall, head tilted back moaning his name as Bright delved deeper with every thrust.

God… He _really_ wanted him. He jerked his hand faster, feeling the bubble rising. He gave it one last hard tug and he burst all over his stomach, sighing out a long exhale while relaxing back in the sheets. How was he supposed to face Win after that?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for the comments. They inspire me to keep going so thank you for the support!


	10. Just Maybe

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> EDIT: I just realized the LINE interview happened after the series finished filming so that part will be removed and added a bit later to make more sense.
> 
> I read somewhere that ep 12 and ep 13 were filmed before ep 11, so ep11 is the actual ending of their filming. That's how I wrote this, the events in this chapter will occur during their filming of ep 12-13 before the filming of ep11. Just for reference!
> 
> This chapter mentions the Brightwin LINE Interview, for more reference. [removed]

The team dispersed around the university, some were eating, some were napping, some where chatting away happily sitting on lunch tables. He really didn't want to go to his lunch spot today. Being with Win alone was the last thing he needed to deal with his confusion.

He knew Win also needed some alone time. He'd been distant ever since that day in his room. He was really pulling out personal baggage to convey Tine's insecurity over Pam. It felt so realistic, he'd started to think back to the times he was with Nevy while discovering feelings for Win. He briefly wondered if it felt so realistic because Win wanted to show him how he felt, how he had to cope. His stomach sank.

He was so confused, beyond anything he ever thought possible. He had never felt such a strong pull to protect the other boy, to wipe his tears away and pull him into his arms, ruffling his hair, but these feelings still confused him. Bright knew himself as a straight guy all his life - if he truly was gay, then how would that change his life? How many more changes would be made? Although gay didn't sound quite right for him, either.

He'd try looking at his other coworkers to notice what quirks made them attractive but nothing could compare - Win was the center of it all. Whenever he was around the other boy, he thought he would have gotten used to the way that he made him feel but in reality, each encounter with Win only seemed to add new feelings, ones without any definition. He was the only boy that made him feel like that so far, so he wasn't gay, per se. Then maybe he was bisexual?

Bright still found women attractive, but even those slight attractive pulls from strangers dulled in comparison to how he felt whenever he was with Win in the same room, tension thick. It was like being a kid again, and being a nervous wreck with a first love, utterly inexperienced and doubtful of what happens next, of who should talk to who first, of hypnotizing each other with curious eyes across the room.

"Hey dude," He broke out of his daze when he heard Gigie's whisper, taking a seat next to Bright in the music classroom. "You okay?."

Bright stared down at the ground, feeling torn. "Not really."

"This is about Win, isn't it?," Bullseye.

"Yeah, it is." Bright wasn't sure why he felt so comfortable around the girl. Maybe it was because she didn't idolize him, because she was always honest with him and told him what he needed to hear, not what he wanted. Or maybe it was because he was drowning in feelings that he hadn't vent out.

“What's going on now?" She asked curiously, resting her chin on her hands. "He doesn't look too good, either."

"I think he might be experiencing Deja Vu with me and Nevy." Bright admitted, voice barely above a whisper. He looked around, making sure they were properly alone. "And we talked after I called you. Things seemed okay, but he's been distant since. I don't know."

"Hmm..." Her eyes traced his crestfallen face. "So I take it you confessed?"

Bright blinked up at her blankly. "No, we just - uh, squashed the tension from the... kiss." His voice lowered and he flushed, embarrassed. "I am not even sure I will confess, if I am being honest."

"Why?" She gave him a genuinely confused look, didn't seem to judge him on his choice.

"Because I'm not really gay, Gie."He pushed the words out of his mouth, feeling a strange bitter taste after them.

"But it's not about being gay, Bright. It's about being different."

Bright looked at her, confused.

She turned fully towards him to continue, looking straight into his eyes. "You've tried so hard to fit in with your friends and coworkers and act like you're the exact same as them but you're not. You've been through more than any of them have and it's affected you in ways you don't even get. You won't let anyone get close and any time things get a little difficult, you walk away. You're so scared of losing something that you don't even realize that you have it. You just have to hold on."

Gigie's words opened up a hole inside of his heart that he hadn't even realized still existed. The fear of losing someone brought back the feelings of anxiety that he tried so hard to repress over his father leaving his mom. His break up with Nevy intensified it. His breath hitched.

Being sure about one thing but doubting another still made his situation heavy with trepidation.

"But I can't keep going like this. Hiding everything from everyone and being scared of what's going to happen if everyone finds out is fucking terrifying. What if it doesn't work out?"

"You're the one trying so hard to make sure things don't work out," Gigie mumbled, letting her annoyance show. "Stop trying so hard to alienate him and end things just because you're scared." He flinched, and her voice softened and her lips tugged upwards. "Half the time we talk, I can't tell if you're trying to end things between you guys or tell me that you love him," Gigie laughed.

Love. With Win? That felt farfetched but resonated somewhere deeply inside him. Being with him, whatever that meant, wasn't just about the fact that they're both guys. Even though the actual thought that he'd been flirting with a guy for months now still freaked him the fuck out, he got that he was attracted to Win. Fucking attracted to him. Without question. But he was going somewhere, Bright wasn't.

Every time Bright felt he had his finger on it, something new popped up. "He's set though."

Gigie looked at him, confused. "What are you talking about?"

"His father's business, Gie," mumbled Bright. " His life. I dunno. I don't just mean literally. I mean philosophically or however the hell you say that."

"Bright-"

"Remember Nevy?" Bright continued, interrupting Gigie. "For the first couple years, I thought I was in love with her. Not just stupid, kiddy love. Actual love, Gie. Marriage and kids and all that. "Bright let the words sink.

He didn't mention that what he had with Nevy felt entirely different than what he had with Win, whatever that was. He loved Nevy but he was not _in_ love with her anymore. That didn’t change the fact he saw an entire future where she fit perfectly in before. She was routine and control and a sense of _normalcy_.

Then she left him and he was just numb, confused and _terrified._

Without Nevy, Bright became space. He was a vast infinite black void, a mysterious quiet canvas.

"I think you need to dig deeper here, Bright." She smiled at him as if she knew what he was thinking, got up from the seat and smoothed down her skirt. "I'm going to grab some food. Want to come?" 

He shook his head. "Nah, I think I will start digging." He laughed dryly. She nodded and waved him goodbye.

If Bright was space, then what was Win?

Win was the stars? It didn’t really fit him. He couldn’t even stand still for all of five minutes.

_Random dance moves and hand gestures. Contagious laughter and innocence. Body trembles and shy eyes darting to the floor._

He was definitely _not_ the stars. Win was more like colored bursts of nebula. That fit him. He was ethereal auroras painted on the canvas. He was magical supernovas and timid comets dashing across space. He was the floating mysterious planets begging to be explored. He made Bright _bright_.

Maybe none of it mattered. Maybe Bright wasn't supposed to know all of the answers. Maybe he wasn’t supposed to know for certain what he was feeling.

❂

The soccer field stood large and ominous with the harsh lighting of the stadium lights that beat down on the grass. In the middle of the field stood Win and Frank who were currently exhausted from tossing the soccer ball back and forth between them. Frank heaved a laugh and said something, waving Win goodbye for the night.

Bright lazily jogged across the field away from everything.

The sun was disappearing beneath the horizon. It was so quick to disappear these days.

He wanted to stay and enjoy the view, but the parking lot was nearly empty and he'd just look creepy to the remaining staff scrambling out of the field to the parking lot. Besides, he was too exhausted to keep his eyes open anyhow. He took off his shoes and collapsed on the grass, panting and closing his eyes.

The more he held tight to his denial—the more it begged to be free. 

He knew his love just smothered things, though.

He sat up. He wasn't sure which he'd prefer. For it not to hurt? Yet he found himself lacking the strength to let go. He rested his elbows on his knees and wrung a hand through his hair.

He pushed himself up and stood bare footed on the cool grass. Thoughts rushed through his mind but he tried not to focus on any of them. His hands shook as he bent down and grabbed his shoes and pulled them on over his feet. He took a deep breath and crossed the field towards Win, who was dribbling the ball with his feet. His hands felt restless and clammy and knots had twisted in his stomach like he was going to be sick. A lump formed in his throat; one that no matter how many times he swallowed would not go away.

The field was suddenly blanketed in darkness when the stadium lights shut off with a sharp snap. Now he could barely see him as he stood in the middle of the field, facing him curiously and looking a little scared. It only made things worse.

"Is everything okay?" asked Win. The tension that had followed through their day still heavy in the air.

Bright looked down. "I don't know."

Win's jaw clenched as he let out sudden, hard breath. "Is this about...?"

"I don't know," Bright repeated, the words coming out sharp. He wasn't sure why he was so fucking frustrated already. "Maybe...I don't fucking know...maybe we shouldn't have." The words finally came out of his mouth. He felt as though a knife had slid into his gut, even though he was the one saying it. _No_ , he screamed inside his mind, wanting to take the words back immediately. His entire being felt shattered, like his heart had been ripped out his chest, but nothing compared to the way Win looked.

Win's face fell and his shoulders slumped, looking completely and utterly defeated. He blinked rapidly, unbelievingly, like Bright's words could barely register with him. Bright flinched, wishing that Win would just say something – _anything_ – but the only sounds in the night were the chorus of the crickets scattered amongst the tall grass.

The field rang with silence. Bright couldn't bring himself to look at Win. He could barely bring himself to even keep his eyes open. It was the closest thing to the actual truth that he'd ever said out loud. Everyone was so busy planning the next thing – Win with school, the team moving on to new series – Bright didn't want to be left behind.

Win was silent for a long time. He simply kept running a hand over his mouth, almost like he was digesting what he was about to say before he said it.

"Maybe you're right," Win said, surprising Bright. He looked over at him, his brow furrowed. "With everything that's going on, it was probably just emotion or something."

He looked down, unable to look over Bright as he remained standing there. "Look, I should probably just get going now. I'm gonna go grab my stuff and take off." He turned around and ran over to Bright's car, pulling open the door and scattering to grab his things.

No matter how hard he tried, the things that mattered most to him still slipped away.

Bright stood on the grass for a couple of seconds, his heart pounding. "Fuck," he hissed. None of this felt right. "Win, wait."

He jogged over to the younger boy unsure of what to do as both boys stood behind the open car door. Win bent over and was shuffling through Bright's car, grabbing his things. He watched as he pulled off the sweater he was wearing and was pulling on his own shirt.

Everything that Gigie had said before started flitting through his head. 

_Too late._

"Win-"

"Save it," Win snapped, stunning Bright into silence. He stood there numbly, watching as Win angrily clumped up the clothes and items he'd left over time into his arms. Once he was done, he stood up to Bright, his eyes flashing. "This isn't any easier for me than it is for you," Win suddenly said, his voice harsh. "I don't know how to deal with this either, but I'd rather just swallow my pride and not say anything at all than fight about them or act all awkward. But this isn't fucking fair, Bright. Every single time you play these sick games. It's unfair."

_Too late._

Win was turning his back to him, heading towards the street - He reached out, grabbing his forearms tightly and Win dropped all the items in his arms. He tried to pull away but Bright held on, yanking him backwards, causing Win to practically stumble into his arms. Bright pulled him into a tight hug, squeezing him with all his might. "Fuck, Win... Don't make me have to spell it out."

The words were unspoken between them but each seemed to hear it clearly.

Win wanted to push Bright away, his body almost trembling with apprehension. Bright dropped his arms but stood dangerously close to him.

With a heart that felt like it was going to burst in his chest and a dizzying feeling that felt like he was standing on the edge of a cliff, he did what he had to do. Bright turned him around and stole a quick kiss.

Win's face was mixed from his anger and turned more into confusion. "Why..."He breathed.

Bright stayed silent, a lump blocking any word from leaving his mouth. His eyes darted to Win's lips. Win flushed, unable to hold the intense gaze and turned his head to look at anything _but_ Bright.

He would show him why.

For once, for fucking once in his life, Bright wanted to be a part of someone else's future, too.

A warm hand touched the side of Win's face, forcing him to look back at him. Bright leaned forward, his face only inches away from his. He slowly brought his face towards him. He gently brushed his lips against Win's, the touch barely more than a long caress. When he pulled away, he let his forehead rest there, feeling Win’s hot breath on his lips, eyes still closed. The brief kiss made Bright's entire body alight with feelings that he no longer knew how to define.

It wasn’t enough.

Bright leaned forward again and pressed their lips together firmly. Win froze, hands coming up to grip his shoulders and tightly pressing his eyes shut. He felt the tip of Bright's tongue slide against his bottom lip, asking for permission. He wanted to feel something. To find something.

Win hesitantly responded with equal gentleness as he just barely touched the tip of his tongue against Bright's. 

Bright slid his hand to the back of Win's neck, and his fingers entwined in the soft little hairs there, tilting his head into the kiss to deepen it. For once, he allowed himself to just kiss without any thought of 'what's next'.

Something tugged in his chest, something he'd never felt before. He had no words to describe the feeling. It was as if, all at once, his insides had regrouped in a different order. His stomach had a bubbly feeling that lacked the nervousness it had had previously; it twisted and flipped over with excitement instead.

Win hardly even registered that he was being pushed back against the car. He shivered as the cold metal made contact with his skin and clenched his fists into Bright's shirt before his fingers loosened and he tilted his head, pressing himself firmly into the warmth of Bright's chest, breathy sounds between their lips.

Win broke the kiss, both of Bright’s hands instinctively went back to his waist to pull him back, just breathing in his luring scent as they both panted over each other. He squeezed Win's waist with his hands before leaning his face back. The moment seemed frozen in time as both boys searched into each other's face for answers. Win's head was swimming with questions, hungry for answers that would sate his need of knowing just what this game had become.

Win hesitated, unsure if this was the right time to ask, "Why are we doing this...?" he breathed.

He let the question linger.

Bright looked at him, apprehensive for what he was about to say. "Because we want to," 

"Then what is this?" Win mumbled, shivering at Bright's proximity. He was still holding Win by the waist and standing closer than either of them were used to while sober.

"I don't know." Bright felt numb. The words resonating in him, hanging his head in frustration, he let out a long sigh. "I just...I feel scared."

"Scared?"

Bright shrugged. "I don't know. I'm trying not to think about it."

He was worried about what it meant. What it meant to him and what it meant to other people and what it meant in the long run.

Bright looked at Win and saw that he was already looking at him. He had that look, a quiet "I know what you're thinking but I'm too fucking polite to interrupt your thoughts" look.

Bright licked his lips, nervous for what he was about to say. "I'm sorry. For being stupid."

The fire had finally died down, leaving the only light casting on the two embracing boys coming from the distant street lamp in the parking lot. It was warm without the flames.


	11. Nuisance Tree I

**_ Hey guys! Thank you for sticking with me so far. I found that the LINE interview actually happened after they were already done filming. Because of this I removed it from the last chapter so it will no longer be reflected in the story until I introduce it later. This chapter will start after the soccer field events. I'm sorry for any confusion!  _ **

**_ For this chapter, I am introducing episode 11 filming which word is they filmed this episode last for the series. This is part 1.  _ **

❂

Bright had never realized how fascinating pad thai could be.

The inactive part of his brain knew pad thai was nothing special. It knew that Bright was only staring at it twirling around his chopsticks blankly because there were other pressing topics in his mind. It also knew that Bright’s closest family, who had been observing this behavior for nearly 10 minutes, were mumbling to themselves as Bright’s little cousin was aiming to launch a spoonful of peanuts at his head.

The other part of his brain, the one he was currently exercising, wasn’t aware of any of this. 

His eyes were focused on the ropes of sauced noodles spinning on his chopsticks, around and around. His thoughts mused entirely upon the memory of hair under his fingers and a warm mouth pressed against his, arms around his neck… If he only went farther, Win’s body would have been soft and pliant, and who knows how far he could have gone.

These were the thoughts Bright was having when peanuts smashed against his cheek, startling him enough that he jumped in his chair.

He instantly cast a glare across the table at his cousin, spoon waving innocently with a grin on his face. “Bass -“

"No fighting at the table, please. Bass, you’ll clean that up when you're done.” Bright's attention traveled to his mom, whose hands were folded over her plate, watching him with her narrowed eyes. Beside her, his uncle was rolling his eyes skyward and wiping his mouth with a napkin. He sighed, what the queen wanted, she got.

"So, Bright." His mother smiled softly and leaned forward on her elbows, inquisitive eyes pressing on him. “Does your solemn quiet behavior have anything to do with Win?”

Bright choked on nothing and reached for his glass of water.

His uncle shook his head. " _Sis_ —"

"We promised we'd be supportive.”

"I _am_ supportive. I have nothing but pride in my second son, okay? I love him.” His uncle nodded to himself in mock solemnity, placing one hand dramatically over his heart. "I even got a bumper sticker to prove it." He paused to rest his elbows on the table and rest his head on his fisted hands, eyes landing on him. “We also promised we’d wait until he said something _himself_.”

Bright wondered if it was possible to drown himself in a glass of water.

His mother was shaking her head and muttering something regarding the duty of a mother when a son is in need, and his uncle started tapping the table impatiently at her, his cousin rolled up his hand and held up his thumb. “Bright has a boyfriend — “

Why. Why, why, did he have to visit this household for the weekend? Or at all, for that matter.

"That's ENOUGH." His mother's voice brought the table to something approaching silence, until it finished with, "Now stop that, Bass.”

For a few moments, there was welcomed silence, Bright spending it poking at his pad thai and plucking a sticky peanut off the side of his face.

His uncle sighed. "You know it’s our sworn duty as your family to embarrass you whenever possible.” He stated in disbelief as if it was Bright's fault - he should know this.

“ Bright,” His mother pressed, leaning even closer now. “Do you like him?”

Bright groaned and slid down in his seat, tossing his chopsticks over the remains of his pad thai. “Why are you ask-“

"Oh, nothing," Bass interrupted with a smirk, eyebrows waggling suggestively. "Just the way you stare so _lovingly_ at your pad thai. Or him, y’know, same thing.” He puckered his lips and made kissy sounds.

"And you've been playing that Scrubb song." His uncle pulled off his glasses and rubbed his forehead. "A _lot_.”

Bright slid lower in the chair, folding his arms over his chest wishing now more than ever that he could be bit by a radioactive spider so he could bounce out of there.

"Come on, Bright," his mother chastised, "Open up a little. You like him don’t you?”

He pressed his tongue against his teeth, sighing "Mom... ”

His mother folded his hands in front of his face, regarding him carefully for a couple of seconds. Then she smiled brilliantly. “See? I told you. I know my son.” She turned to his uncle.

At his side, again, Bass tapped and sang to himself, “Bright has a boyfriend!”

Bright groaned at the stares coming at him from every direction, finding a spot on his joggers to stare at. _“Mom.”_ He felt really small all of a sudden.

“Maybe…” His uncle trailed off, finger tapping at his chin. Bright could almost see the confusion forming in his mind.

“Bright has a boyfriend!” Bass continued.

"Aha." His uncle raised his hand and rapped it against the edge of the table in victory. "I've got it. Win is a big handsome muscle man, right? That's probably not his type if you really think about it, he probably still prefers them petite and tiny. It’s too bad sis, it can’t be helped—“

"Actually," Bright cleared his throat and said, softly, "He's kind of small. Maybe not height wise but… I don’t know how to explain it…I mean… he’s _tiny_. He's a speed demon on the field, though. You should see him." He rubbed the fabric of his joggers with one finger, watching it move back and forth. “And he’s funny, too-“ He had an embarrassingly silly grin on his face. He rapidly replaced it with a grimace. "I mean—uh..."

Bright stuttered to a halt abruptly, realizing that he'd been rambling on while his entire family listened.

His mother leaned back abruptly. "Thong, will you take care of the dishes, please? And Bass, clean up the mess you made.”

Murmurs of “yes" passed around as both stood and began clearing the table quietly. His mom stood up when they'd all disappeared into the kitchen, rounding the table to sit in the vacated seat at his side.

“So..." She began quietly, "Do you like him?” His mom grinned at him. 

“ _Mom_.” He whined for the last time.

"Invite him for dinner sometime." He patted his head gently, moving to stand and then leaning over his shoulder once again. “And find another song to play, okay? It’s getting annoying.”

Bright groaned and dropped his head on the table, not sure if he was fully mortified yet or if his family still had more terrors planned out for him. There was no way he was bringing Win to this insanity. 

❂

He had Win on his back in the middle of the soccer field, and his mouth was soft.

The sun was hot on Bright's neck, and the grass under his hands and knees was warm, soft, and probably filthy, but he didn't care because there was raven hair between his fingers, and Win's hands were fisted in his jersey, and his tongue was doing things that would put heaven to shame.

Bright's hands slid underneath that cute cream cheerleading uniform, over goosebump skin, and Win arched up beneath him, into his hands, into his lips, gasped against his mouth, and Bright pulled him tight and felt that shiver with his entire body. Bright's mouth trailed down to taste the salt on Win's neck and heard it, little breath of a moan against his ear.

“Bright..."

Bright pressed down until the body beneath him _trembled_ —

"Earth to Bright.”

And then everything suddenly looked a lot more like the hair and makeup room, located inside one of the offices of the music club. Which was where he was, in fact, sat onto the bench in the corner beside a guitar rack, the seat reserved for him and his next do.

Unfortunately, there was no Win anywhere in the vicinity.

Mike was sitting on a stool, grinning wickedly at him, something strange and hot in the process of being pressed onto his hair. "Ah, there you are. Welcome back-HEY!" He glared over his shoulder at Jeanie, who made an attempt at smiling apologetically while combing what looked like a weapon through his hair."Seriously," he straightened “It’s not just a masquerade party, dumbass. It’s literally the last party before this is all over and has become the unofficial farewell party for the cast, and you’re not going?”

Bright rolled his eyes and leaned back against the bench, much preferring to summon his soccer field fantasy back up over having this conversation with Mike. “I said I don’t know, Mike.”

“But we are all going,” Mike insisted and lifted his head so Jeanie could slide bobby-pins in his hair. “Dude no one from management will be around.” He whispered and paused to eye Jeanie as she moved across the front of the chair to tackle his bangs, and she nodded in response to confirm what Mike was saying.

Bright offered him a glare, even if he couldn’t see it. “When is this again?”

“Three weeks from now. Dude booked an entire hotel lounge. Complete with buffet and al-OUCH, Jeanie! There are valuable items down here, you know!” Mike groaned, humor quickly leaving his face.

Bright smirked at that. “A hotel lounge?”

Mike folded his arms and an annoyed expression appeared in his line of vision when Jeanie suddenly twirled back to stand behind Mike, exposing his face. “Yeah, loaded bar and all. It’s huge. Used for weddings.” He rambled on. Bright narrowed his eyes, but not at Mike. His eyes had diverted to Jeanie, who had been staring at him with a knowing look on her face.

“Win is going.” Jeanie mouthed through the bobby-pins in her mouth, wiggling her brows at him.

This time, it was him who groaned. “ _Jeanie_.”

❂

The party was all the silent whispers were about throughout the crew in the bus as they drove to the tree planting activity site, and Bright was just about fed up about it by the time they arrived at the camp. The girls wouldn't shut up about their dresses and the guys were groaning about getting their ears talked off by them constantly, though they were making just as much noise.

He certainly didn't have anything suitable to wear for something like a masquerade. He sighed to himself. This party was going to be more trouble than it was worth. Good thing he had about two and a half weeks before it got there.

He finally reached his cabin room and got comfortable, trying to shift some of his attention to the nearly empty pages of the script in his hands. The dimly lit cabin room made him feel a sense of peace, more so with the citrus clean surrounding the cozily decorated cabin. Bright was glad there weren’t any physical scenes in his script this time. He wasn’t sure he would be able to hold back.

Win had scrambled off the moment the bus arrived and they finished the arrival scene. It was too late by the time they rolled out to camp. Everyone already agreed to take the rest of the evening as free time, only rolling out the cameras to film the scenes in the bus and the arrival. According to Champ he was already asleep by the time Bright had finished up washing up for the night.

He was thankful for the alone time. He needed time to think about how his life would be from now on. 

The next few days marked the ending of a journey that had completely transformed him. He was so blatantly different now from when he began. It was a bittersweet feeling.

He still was no where near ready to address things formally, but he was okay with the current predicament they were in. No strings attached, no labels, no questions, and most importantly, no one else involved. But then  Win had reminded him that night that despite his usually composed exterior, there was also a doubtful boy exploring uncharted territory, someone who was just as confused as he was. It could go either way at this point.  Win had been slightly more reserved since, which fueled the uncertainty.

There was a sudden twist in his stomach. Things would eventually end. Nothing was permanent. He had enough life lessons in that. 

He battled the memories but they rolled over his head, anyway. It was annoying, but after almost three years of devotion to a girl he thought he’d be with forever, it didn’t come as a shock.

Nevy had shown up in a little plaid dress when they met again all those years ago after high school – it was hot as shit out that summer. Bright had thought she was the prettiest girl he’d ever seen.  After that they’d drunk rum and kissed. It was awkward at first and then they’d both been so fucking happy. He really thought she'd be the one.

That all seemed like a lifetime ago, but it still felt very much real at the time. What if the same thing happened with Win? 

What they had was exciting, but if it suddenly ended just like that - He wouldn’t be able to handle it.

❂

“How much longer?” Bright whined, hand coming up to grasp the bark of a tree while trying to climb yet another rock that connected further up the hill.

The sun was almost set and the hills were covered with deep, blue shadows. With an exhausted Bright near his side, Win doubted they’d make it back to camp before dark. The chilly thought of staying in a random clearing were starting to look good compared to the dangers of attempting to traverse rocky and unfamiliar hills in pitch blackness.

“Let me remind you this was your idea."  Win’s voice was breathy and annoyed. He wasn’t eager about this if he were honest, but he found he liked it. The air, the scenery, the connection with nature, he enjoyed it. The getting lost part, not so much.

“I just wanted to take some pictures.” He grumbled, flushing because he knew danm well that wasn’t all he wanted. Sure, he’d seen a lake he’d like some shots of for his photography instagram account. But he’d also wanted some alone time away from the crew with Win, just to vibe. “And then you wanted to follow the monkey down the hill.”

Amused, Win turned to him and planted his hands on his hips, ”Bright honestly, we have only been walking for,” He looked at his watch, ”2 hours.”

Bright looked at him like he was crazy, and seeing the time that had passed on his watch, he was actually surprised he hadn’t passed out.

“Dude, I don’t know where the hell we are anymore.” Bright sighed, his chocolate hair stuck to his sweaty forehead, cheeks red with exertion. He looked around at their surroundings. “Let’s just take a break there.” He wasn’t familiar with the mountains or the inherent dangers of it, but a primitive instinct told him if they were to chill out in the middle of the wilderness they would be safer doing so under the huge rock formation protruding from the ground, forming a sort of open cave.

He new that Bright wasn’t usually this casual about things. He was a very precise, a composed guy who liked to think everything through a dozen times. He must really be worn out to propose such a plan - and then he looked at the cave, terrified and completely unamused. The little boy in him still believed in ghosts, but the curiosity in him was somehow stronger and he suddenly wanted to give in.

Bright observed Win with disturbed expression on his face as he entered the cave slowly, making sure to shine his phone flash light all around him - checking for obstacles. He moved along carefully, taking care of his surroundings – you never know – when he happened along a bed of rocks. He moved his light along the rock walls, looking for cave drawings or any sign that someone once lived there.

Bright sighed. He was stuck with this idiot for the rest of the evening. He stopped himself from talking. It was fucking hot; there was mud on his shoes, they were in the middle of the fucking _woods_ , and who knew what the fuck was out there and yet…Win looked devastatingly handsome in his light blue shirt, the cool tone making his skin look velvety smooth.

A chilly howl echoed in the distance, and Win jumped in his spot and shuddered, turning to face him. “Okay fuck resting. Let’s go.”

“What happened to Indiana Jones?,” He smirked. “I’m still tired, you might have to carry me…” He dramatically sighed, placing a hand over his face. “ I am willing to handle the embarrassment.”

“Fuck no,” Win pushed his shoulder, annoyed and more terrified by the minute but refusing to let his cocky phi get to him. “Fine, we will stay here. All night.”

“Oh yeah?” Bright smirked. _Double fuck_. “You sure? You look a little…freaked out.”

“Fuck off,” Win growled, shoving Bright again. His friend barely moved against his push, his feet firmly holding his place, but the movement caused Win to sway dangerously on a rock his foot got caught on. He windmilled his arms, hoping to catch his balance, and failed. He swore a second time as he lost his footing, tumbling forward into Bright. The two boys crashed to the ground, sending up puffs of dirt around them. His legs got tangled with Win’s, their arms strangely twisted. It was hard to tell where one boy ended and the other began.

“Really?” Bright breathed up at Win, who was perched on top of him. His lips parted into a wide smile and his eyes twinkled with amusement. His hands instinctively came up and rested on Win’s waist. “Here?”

“Shut up,” Win mumbled, embarrassed. He tried to push himself off of Bright but his friend held him in place. Win felt the impeding flush hit his face, intensifying when he felt pressure right in lower dip of his back.

Bright’s grin only widened with Win’s struggle. He licked his lips and Win couldn’t help but follow the movement. Being that close to Bright was doing all sorts of things to his body that shouldn’t be happening at that moment.

Another howl, this time closer. “Hey, idiots!” Gunsmile voice cut in the distance, his head slowly protruding from the top of the hill in front of their cave as he slowly jumped down the small hill with Mike in tow. “If you wanted privacy you have to be quieter!”

The two boys shoved each other away as Gun closed in on them. Frank and Drake followed closely behind them, and soon more heads started popping up from the hill-crest facing the formation. They didn’t say anything as they pulled up and joked about them getting kidnapped by the spirit. Win was flushing behind him and didn’t say anything meanwhile Bright just nervously laughed at anything said to him regardless of it making sense.

New came to stand beside Bright, jokingly throwing his arm over his shoulder “Let’s go man. I’m hungry,” Win felt a sudden heat course through his body and this time, it wasn’t from embarrassment. He looked down at the dirt, biting the inside of his mouth in case he said something stupid. Instead, he squeezed his hands into fists.

Khaotung came to stand beside him, eyes flitting through Win’s face. 

Bright glanced back at him before he hesitantly turned and looked at New instead. “Yeah. Sure.”

The grin that lit up New’s face made the raw heat in Win’s body dissipate with a chill as dark as the dirt.

Win stood by silently as New helped Bright get a better footing, showing him how to place his feet and giving his advice on how to use the tree barks. He took off, laughing, and Bright shot after him telling him to slow down. Win watched as they disappeared up the mountain, blending in with the rest of the crew.

Fuck, he _hated_ the way that he fucking felt about that. He hated the jealous feeling he got in his gut when he saw how comfortable Bright was doing _that_. It wasn’t fair and it was fucking stupid of him but the feeling was still there.

He glanced over at Khaotung and was about to say something when he noticed that he was already looking at him, his brow slightly furrowed. “What?” he asked, trying to keep his voice steady. He didn’t like the way his eyes – so fucking similar to Bright’s – were staring straight through him.

“Nothing,” He said airily, giving him a wide smile that made it look as though he was never frowning to begin with. "Let's go."


	12. Nuisance Tree  II

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Are we still alive after that Brightwin Global Live Fan meeting?

Trees, rain, and darkness. That was everything that surrounded him. flashing his light around frantically trying to catch a glimpse of anything that could provide any insight of where Tine was, he stepped out of the darkness of the woods and into a clearing.

He spotted him sitting on the grass, cradling his leg. He instantly went towards him and squat down next to him. “Are you alright? Here, let me help. Does it hurt?” He wrapped his arms around him and pulled him up, leaving a hand around his waist as he dragged them inside the run down abandoned bus at the side of clearing, carefully placed for easy access.

He helped Tine get inside and followed after him, sitting on the dust covered bus seats of the rusty bus. “We’ll wait until the rain stops.” Sarawat wrung his hands through his wet locks, ruffling through them to shake some of the wetness out. Tine sat quietly near him on the other seat, struggling to hold control of his thoughts as images of earlier threatened to take over his head. Things he didn’t need to be pondering over right _now,_ not when they were supposed to have _the_ moment. There was no need for his childish jealousy while the cameras were rolling.

Fumbling with his fingers and breathing out a sigh, he finally dragged his gaze towards Sarawat. “I am sorry.” He mumbled, “It’s just that a lot of bad things have been happening to us lately. I just didn’t want it to get worse.” He shook his head sadly, “I screwed up again.”

Sarawat’s sincere stare bore into his face, and his words were spoken softly, “It’s not your fault. The shrine that was destroyed was fake. P’Dim made it up to mess with us.” The ghost of a smile crossed his lips, then it disappeared. Win suppressed a scowl at New’s character name. “As for the bad things that have been happening, it might be because of me.” He glanced down, slightly ashamed. “I made a prayer but I haven’t redeemed it.”

“What did you ask for?” Tine stared at him curiously, heart beginning to pound.

Their eyes met. “That if I ever saw you again, I would show you the video I made.” His lips curled slightly, ears reddening with his pounding heartbeat. “It’s the song you’ve been wondering about. Your smile, you couldn’t find it because I renamed it.” He pulled his phone out of his wet joggers and unlocked it, pulling up the video from his library.

He let it play in his hands, feeling a tang of embarrassment. The words engulfed him in a sense of familiarity, feeling the butterflies twirling madly inside him.

All Tine could really think about as he watched the video was how this moment right here would be their last, this would be the day he’d wave goodbye to the character on the other side of the screen.“-I like you.” The video finished off.

“Yeah, I know.” The rain pounded on the cold metal of the bus, dripping down the windows. The world stood still quiet when Tine’s eyes drew him in. “I like you too.” 

Bright looked over at Win, staring into his earnest brown eyes. This was his best friend. This was the guy that had always been there for him since the very beginning. This was the only person who was still a hundred percent with him. If there was anything good about this night, it was that they were still best friends. 

With each passing second, Win’s heart began to beat harder and harder. There was something so surreal about this moment. His body felt hot and cold all over and his tongue was heavy in his mouth. Even if he wasn’t really dating Bright, he still knew that the moment was special.

It was easy to let Sarawat and Tine guide them. By the time the rain stopped, the tension had dispersed. “Let me help you up.” He motioned to grab Tine’s arm, but Tine quickly shook his head and smiled. “I am fine.” 

Bright felt the stirrings of confusion in his gut, his mind clouded with nostalgic thoughts. He quickly shook it off.

Both boys got up and stepped down from the bus. Tine’s eyes slid skyward and he noticed the shimmery orbs adorning the sky. Bright smiled at the sight, arm draping over his shoulder, staring at the sky in awe while pulling Tine closer to his side. A part of this felt so right, having him there with him like this. It felt…natural. Easy.

❂

Everyone wrapped up and dashed back to their cabins to wash up and refresh before going back to the outdoor cafeteria for a celebratory dinner. The cafeteria they sat outside of was almost a romantic-looking pavilion. Everyone was sitting across from each other in front of tables they had put together, other parts of the crew sitting on the plump outdoor couches and wooden logs under dancing paper lights. There was up-beat guitar songs echoing the place and a giant bonfire in the middle.

They’d all pigged out on expertly prepared appetizers, entrees, and deserts that were worth every penny that management had shelled out. The drinks were all included and he had lost count how many Pina Colada’s he’d downed.The conversation between the crew had been good; sharing the favorite scenes they filmed through the series, Bright had felt as though he’d been sent back in time.

Dinner had run a bit longer than they’d expected and so a lot of people had already left back to their cabins; New had continued to pass a flask he had brought along filled with Absinthe between the few that were left and Bright’s mind was a little foggy with the mix of alcohol swirling around his neurons. “My man!” Bright’s hand landed on New’s shoulder excitedly when he passed the flask to him again. He quickly took another sip. Then another. 

“Alright, dude. Selfie,” slurred New, pulling out his cellphone.

“No way,” Bright argued, trying to shove New away as his friend wrapped an arm around him. He laughed as New squeezed him hard, snapping away at him with his phone.

“Fuck, man, stay still,” New hissed. He forced them to sit still, smiling up at the camera. After a couple seconds, there was a click. “There. Perfect bro pic.”

Finally letting Bright go, he pulled up his cellphone and scrolled through the pictures until he found the one he liked. Bright watched as New pulled it up. The shot was _okay_ ; the two of them were looking at the camera, huge smiles on their faces.

Bright glanced over at Win out of the corner of his eye.

Win sat where he was, looking over at Bright without saying anything. The room was awkwardly silent now that the vast majority had left, so silent that Bright could swear that he could hear his own heartbeat. The mood had shifted, New’s infectious excitement moving into trepidation. 

Slowly, Win stood up and walked over to throw away his empty food plate. He sauntered himself to the couch where Khaotung and the others were sitting, pout fully evident in his face.

Khaotung looked up, concerned. “Win, what’s wron-”

“Nothing,” he interrupted him, staring at Gunsmile instead. He motioned towards the bottles near him. “What’s that?”

“This?” asked Gunsmile, holding up one of the bottles. “Whiskey.”

“Fucking perfect,” said Win, reaching for it. He unscrewed the bottle, chugged its contents, and then held his hand out for another one.

Bright watched him from the distance, his heart seeming to still in his chest. Win seemed…out of it. From where Bright was sitting, Bright could see the goosebumps that were spread all over his skin, but that wasn’t what alarmed him. Win’s hands were shaking with what looked like nerves, like he’d seen something that rattled him to the bone.

New followed his gaze, and shook his shoulder. “Dude, tonight is the last night. Just…clear your mind of all that other shit that I know is up in there and let’s fucking have fun. Alright?” 

His gaze remained on Win, watching as Khaotung pushed a blanket off of himself. “Here,” he said, draping the blanket around Win’s shoulders. Bright felt a sudden stirring of protectiveness churning inside him.

Bright frowned and allowed himself to be steered back towards New. “I don’t know what you’re talking about. I’m good.”

“Yeah, you’re good,” repeated New. He reached up and fixed Bright’s lopsided hood. “Just act cool.”

Neither of them specifically mentioned any of the shit that had been going down for the past few months; as far as they were both concerned, it was all in the past. Bright had been hoping that it would stay like that all the way through the night, that he could get through everything without things falling apart in front of him.

❂

Finally most of everyone was gone, and somehow Win was filled with a sense of hollowness.  2Gether was truly over. Things would never be the same again.  It was bittersweet reminiscing over the past few months, all he wanted to do now was take a bath and go to sleep. He had been pondering on the sofa for close to 20 minutes now and everyone else had left. It was probably better if he went to sleep.

He heard footsteps in the distance coming from the outside, and he glanced over at Bright as he walked over to him, two glasses in his hands.

“I’m not sure this is the best time.” Win mumbled, almost as if he were afraid of being overheard.

Bright hesitated, a furrowed brow on his features. He stood by the sofa beside him, passing him over a cup. “I heard beer makes everything better.”

Win hesitated, glancing up at him. “Thanks,” He mumbled, taking it from him. He glanced over at him again, curiosity in his eyes. 

The open cafeteria had almost gone back to feeling comfortable again, the weight from all the remaining stranger’s eyes being lifted now that they were gone. Even though he was beginning to feel more comfortable, Win dreaded anything Bright would want to try and talk to him about.

He’d been cold to him all night after their scene in the bus really hit him with the implications. He’d been cold to him the whole time they were at the cafeteria, lost in his own thoughts after watching him get a little handsy with New. Now that he could finally think again, he felt like a fucking asshole for the way he’d been treating him. “You know…” He trailed off, looking back towards the trees in the distance as something shiny flickered around them. “I'm really glad I met you…” He trailed off, eyes falling to the bracelet on his wrist. He was suddenly filled up with liquid courage, staring up into his eyes.

One of the risks of being quiet was that other people could fill his silence with their own interpretation. When others couldn’t read him, they wrote their own story. Win had already written their conclusion. 

He couldn’t control the way Bright felt and putting things off for later and later wasn’t going to change that. It was like a Band-Aid. The longer he waited to take it off, the more it was going to hurt. He just needed to rip it off and get it over with. “Thank you for everything you did for me.”

Bright opened his mouth, almost said something. Almost. The rest of his life might have turned out differently if he had. But he didn’t.

Bright sat there quietly thinking about what Win just said. He watched as Win stood up, turning around to face him. “It’s over now, I guess.” He hesitantly gave him a smile that didn’t reach his eyes. “I’ll see you around for work.” 

Before Bright could say anything he turned on his heels and dashed out of the cafeteria and towards the path leading to his cabin.

❂

There was a subtle art to successfully sneaking out of one's cabin without anyone else in the precinct noticing - and this doesn't even involve _actual_ sneaking out (you know, the 'slip out the window in the middle of the night and get back before anyone comes to wake you up' kind, which is its own, separate skill set) but rather just getting from one’s door to the next door without being waylaid and bombarded with questions.

The walk to Win’s cabin was a haze of keeping his eyes fixed on the dark path and trying to not think too hard about what he needed to do. There were roughly thirty-seven wings buzzing around in his stomach that made everything from his sternum down feel rather squiggly and uncertain. He practiced what to say back in his cabin room and now he had to practice breathing on the way.

He spotted the next set of cabins when he turned, shoving hands in his pockets and shuffling off through the scenarios in his head as he took a deep breath and knocked on the right cabin room.

The door to Win’s cabin clicked opened and Bright’s eyes lit up. He tried ignoring the sense of deja-vu that coiled around his stomach. “Can we talk?” he blurted out, forgetting everything he practiced along the way. He looked out of place with his khaki joggers and green sweater in the humid heat, his expression slightly uncomfortable, like he was unsure of what to do. 

Surveying Bright with a stern stare, Win nodded after a couple of seconds. “I don’t have much of a choice, do I?”

Bright nodded and stepped inside the cabin. His mind still felt cloudy with doubt as they made their way inside. He stood by the small table in the corner of the room. Win sat on the bed and Bright decided it was better to stay put.

Win stared at him expectantly, waiting for him to talk. He finally cleared his throat. “When you're an introvert like me and you've been lonely for a while…” Bright began, unsure if he could actually put what he felt into precise words. “And then you find someone who understands you, you become really attached to them…” 

Win frowned. Really, now? “What do you mean?”

Bright’s eyes burned into his as he looked at him. “What do you think I mean?”

He didn’t answer him. Instead, he frowned and crossed his arms, feeling more comfortable closed up.

“Win,” Bright suddenly whispered, his voice insistent. “Just…listen. What we have…or what we _don’t_ have here…I've been trying so hard to ignore it. We don’t even have a name for it and it doesn’t _need_ a name.” Bright reached for his arm, closing the small distance between them and gripping it tightly when Win refused to look his way.

Win’s heart hammered in his chest as he yanked his arm back from Bright’s grip. He didn't want any more contact from the other boy. “It doesn't need a name because there's nothing to name,” mumbled Win. He crossed his arms protectively. Where Bright had just been touching him burned.

Bright’s face flushed red with anger. "Why are you so pissed with me?” He hissed and pushed away any and all thoughts about how unbearably attractive Win looked with that pouty scowl on his face. He sighed deeply when Win didn't look up.

“Look, I know you’re confused too,” Bright stated. His words jumbled together. “I can tell. I know you're confused because _you like me too_.”

Taken completely by surprise, Win scrambled up from the bed. “What-?” Win flushed an even darker red while his heart beat so loudly he was sure the other boy could hear it. He looked away from Bright, humiliated. “I…” How _dare_ he. There was _no_ need for that to be acknowledged out loud, specially when Bright himself didn't have the balls to admit it. 

Bright took a step forward and leaned dangerously close to his face. He glared into his eyes, anger fully transparent in his eyes. He felt uncomfortably hard, something he was definitely _not_ ready to admit. 

Win pushed him away, anger consuming him. “Just fucking leave. All this shit…all of this means nothing, right? Why not just walk away and pretend that none of this ever happened? Wouldn’t that be fucking easier?” Win spat.

Heat rose in his body, burning every inch of him as if he was on fire. “You know what? Maybe you’re right.”

For a moment, Win seemed to go blind, everything fading into darkness. So much had been built up around his silence earlier that actually hearing it from him made the wall that he’d built up crack and break apart. He no longer felt his heartbeat or heard his blood rushing to his ears. He felt nothing at all.

“So then why don’t we just do that?” Win whispered, his entire body felt numb. “Why do we keep doing this?”

Bright’s heart hammered in his chest. It reminded him of the feeling he got with Nevy when they broke up. They’d been standing in his room, just like he was standing in Win’s. He’d started the conversation just like she’d had. Hearing Win almost echoing her words made something in his heart _ache_ in a way that he did not fully understand.

It was for the best.

"Let’s stop.” He repeated, stepping closer to him. “For real.”

Win felt an overwhelming burst of anger spilling through his veins. He bit at his bottom lip hard enough that it hurt, torn with what to say next. He balled his hands into fists and tried his best to stay composed. “Yeah, let's stop.” He slumped back down on the bed, and pulled out his phone, pretending to answer texts he hadn’t looked at. He wasn’t going to let Bright get to him anymore. He wouldn’t give him the satisfaction.

Bright felt a surge of overwhelming anger consuming him. Now he was pissed off. “Okay, then.” He spat from where he stood and hurriedly strode towards the door. His hand froze mid-air as he grasped the door handle and was about to turn it.

Their talks never seemed to satisfy him; he still felt like so much was left unsaid.

Win’s eyes rose from his phone, and raised an eyebrow at him. Bright had his face pressed ridiculously close to the door, as if the extra few inches were needed for his more-than-slightly above average musician hearing. “What, need me to open the door for you?” Win asked sarcastically, standing from the bed and walking towards him, annoyed and pissed beyond belief at how everything turned out.

The hand that covered his mouth was unexpected, and Win couldn’t stop the mumbled cry of surprise that managed to escape between Bright's guitar fingers. Or the following one that thankfully caught in his throat, because Bright was _so fucking close_ that a tendril of hair was grazing the skin over Win's cheekbone. He felt a tightening in the pit of his stomach.

Bright's brow furrowed at Win like he was the dumbest person on the planet - a look Win didn’t appreciate in the least - and he glanced pointedly towards the door with an exasperated jerk, “Don’t you hear that?” Bright hissed. “There’s someone out. What do you think will happen if they see me leave your cabin at 3 in the morning?”

Win blinked up at him, and then his eyes narrowed and he was mumbling into his palm. “My’re sho extr-“

It's then that he realized what Bright was saying because he could hear footsteps - slow and careful taps. Only, he didn’t care - not really. It was nearly impossible to with the way Bright’s dark colored orbs were flitting across his facial features with this smoldering kind of fire burning in his unusually darker irises.

When he exhaled, the small puffs tickled the suddenly buzzing flesh of Win's nose.

Bright released his mouth, but he didn’t move away. It was almost impossible for him to accept anyone having this kind of inexplicable hold over him... and yet... with Win...

There was an almost awkward heartbeat in time as if something ought to be said. Bright’s gaze swept over Win’s and held for a very long second. His expression was cool, closed, but his eyes were another story. “Wha-”

Bright swiftly turned them around and pushed Win against the door, closing the distance between them, kissing him furiously. Win nearly tumbled over from the sheer force of it but Bright's hands wrapped around his sides to hold him upright. His hands came up to grip Win’s face. Their lips turned soft and searing and Win's lips parted when Bright's tongue traced along his bottom lip. 

Win tasted like sunshine and stars at the same time. 

Bright leaned back and it took Win’s senses a second to recognize that Bright was much too far away now.

"You stopped," Win whispered what he thought was supposed to be a question.

Bright looked at the flush on his face and chuckled. "I did." 

"Why?" Were he not so dazed, he was sure his ears would be red.

Bright laughed again, this time with a wide grin. “It was to shut you up."

Bright's smirk was wicked, and Win was pretty sure his heart stopped because, oh, that was actually humiliating. Bright kissed him to shut him up, that was all, and why the hell did he think otherwise, and why the hell did he even care about something so stupid, and -

“They’re gone now.”

Win blinked in confusion. “I kno- “

The universe had abruptly condensed itself to a single point, and that point was the soft, cool press of Bright’s mouth against his the second time. And at that point, Win pretty much stopped thinking about anything at all, entirely.

Before he knew it he was pressing himself closer to the older boy that he just now remembered he'd been frustrated with at some point, and that he’s still supposed to be frustrated with, but oh hell, he's sliding hands up Bright’s shoulders and wrapping them around his neck, and Win would be damned if he really gave a shit about how he's _supposed_ to feel, when at that very moment he _felt_ a delightful tug around his waist.

Bright reached around Win to lock the door behind him before he began to pull him back towards the bed. They kissed, too lost in one another to care about the fact the plan had completely backfired.

As Bright's lips caressed his with a gentleness that Win's whole soul wanted to reach for, he felt like his heart was breaking all over again, despite the way aroused fire was throbbing mercilessly through his body. He couldn't _feel_ what he felt for Bright, _damn it_! It just... it was too confusing; it was going to tear him open and drive him crazy from uncertainty. 

Bright tumbled backwards, never letting go of Win's mouth with his own, sat on the bed and pulled Win on top of him, clothed thighs wrapped around his hips. Breaking the kiss, his mouth slid down to Win's throat, hungrily licking and kissing the smooth skin, tasting the salt of Win's perspiration and sucking provocatively on the area on the base of his neck. Win groaned and arched into him. He tangled his fingers in Bright's dark hair.

Bright's free hand slid down Win's side, finding the hem of the shirt and pushing up underneath it, dragging it partway up Win's chest as the musician sought a sensitive nipple to play with, pinching and caressing it to firm arousal.

Gasping softly, Win rolled his body against Bright's, playing his teeth teasingly up and down the side of the other's neck until he was rewarded by a low, shuddering groan in Bright's throat.��

Win writhed above him and Bright's hand slid back down Win's stomach, lips trailing up Win's neck and behind his ear. Bright kissed and licked it slowly and another low sound escaped Win's lips, his eyes fluttering shut, long, dark lashes brushing his cheeks appealingly.

Bright’s joggers brushed up against his own in a tantalizing manner. The older boy was rutting up against him, rubbing himself all over Win.

Bright appeared utterly insatiable – the desperation in his almost painful ruts made it obvious that he wanted more.

Bright pulled away with heavy, labored breaths, and roughly turned them around and onto the bed, shoving his face into the covers but lacking real strength in the push. For a moment he was afraid that he had done something wrong but those fears were erased when Bright dropped above him and straddled him possessively. He trailed kisses down the back of his neck, worked up by Win's ability to drive him absolutely insane.

Bright _possessed_ him, and Win loved it.

Bright sighed softly against Win's back, breath stirring his hair “Let me fuck you,”

Bright sat back. His face and chest were flushed with arousal and there was lust and confusion in his brown eyes trying to digest what his stupid mouth just blurted out. “Uh…”

Win propped himself up by his elbows and glanced over his shoulder at the other boy in shock. Suddenly, it all seemed a little more _real_. Win bit his bottom lip as fear bubbled in his stomach. The sobering thought of _maybe we're taking this too far_ entered his mind.

“It’s okay.” Bright mumbled, embarrassed. He slipped off Win’s back and crashed on the bed next to him. “Let’s just go to sleep.” He ignored the shock on the other’s face and slipped the covers over them. “I’ll set the alarm and be out before everyone wakes up.” He smirked at him. “Good night.”

Win felt a warmth in his belly, and a numb kind of tingling in his knees - which was _never_ a good sign, he'd come to learn. He was glad, somewhere within his small point of universe, that they were alone and closed inside his little cabin, and that no one else in the world would ever know about _this._


	13. Bread

Something woke him up. Some kind of buzzing, like a fly trapped between a window and closed venetian blinds. An annoying buzzing that would start and then stop, and then start again, because flies were fucking dumb and could never figure out that no matter _how_ many times they beat themselves against a window, they would never get outside.

Bright just muttered something about stupid flies and their stupid windows, and shifted onto his side. Waited for the solid warmth beside him to shift along with him in accommodation because cabin beds were really, really narrow and required some sort cooperation, then tugged the blankets up and pressed his face into the pillow with every intent of going right back to sleep.

The buzzing stopped for a while, and he dozed. Then it started again. He whined into the pillow. He cussed halfheartedly and tried to ignore it, turning on his back. The buzzing stopped and he slid back into his comfortable doze.

Then it started again.

Bright groaned and lifted his head off the pillow, rubbed sleep from his eyes enough to open them and squinted at the room around him, brightening with rising sunshine. The buzzing was coming from the floor. He reached down off the bed and felt around for it, tugging aside his discarded sweater before his hand found the cold metal of his cell.

He quickly shut off his alarm, and leaned back into the pillow. He breathed out a sigh, glancing towards the soundlessly sleeping boy beside him. He had just noticed the weight of Win’s arm draped across his stomach, parted lips exhaling softly as he slept. Bright took a deep breath and shifted slightly so that instead of leaning away from Win, he now leaned towards him. He lifted his hand from the mattress and traced ghost fingertips on Win’s lips. It was like a fire had started in between them last night. The hairs on his arm all felt hypersensitive when Win would make the slightest movement.

He didn’t move. He couldn’t stop staring. And this bothered Bright. 

How could a person cause him so much angst? Not even Nevy came close and when they were together Bright truly believed that he had loved her. Maybe not _loved_ her, loved her, but a part of him had needed her. He didn’t need Win. At least, he didn’t think he needed Win. It wasn’t like they were together _together_. That was never going to fucking happen. And yet, when he could be sleeping soundly in his own bed back at his own cabin, he was laying in another bed with a guy that he never would have seen a couple of months ago.

Bright would've loved to meet him elsewhere. In a place where they wouldn't be scared of accepting how they feel. Then, they would understand that love wasn’t about beautiful beginnings and happy endings. That sometimes, it happened in between.

It took great strength to push himself off the bed, carefully lifting Win’s arm from his stomach and shifting underneath him to get off the bed.He picked up his crumbled sweater and threw it over himself, shifting to put his shoes on next. He carefully and quietly made his way to the door, glancing back towards Win’s sleeping form before slipping out of the cabin and into the crisp coolness of morning. There were still roughly 7 hours left before the bus arrived for everyone and all he really wanted was to catch up on some much needed sleep.

❂

Bright slept deeply, his arm thrown up over his head. His bare chest rose and fell with each breath as he dreamed soundly, a slight smile on his lips. The cabin room was dark, the curtains pulled down as to not let in any light. His cell phone glowed and vibrated on the bedside table as he received a text but the sound only made him mumble and shift a little to the side.

The door to his room slowly pushed open with the barest of creaks. A dark figure of a person slid into the room as quiet as a shadow. As if sensing that he was no longer alone, Bright’s eyelashes fluttered as he began to open his eyes. Right at that moment the figure sprang out and jumped on the bed, clapping a hand over Bright’s mouth to muffle any sound.

“Make a sound and I’ll kill you,” the person hissed out and then burst out laughing. The hood of the dark sweatshirt that he wore obscured his features in the darkness but the voice was unmistakable. Win was perched above him and had him entangled in the sheets beneath him, unable to move. The sounds of curse words could barely be heard from underneath Win’s palm.

Bright bucked beneath Win and managed to throw him aside. Win tumbled off of him and landed on his back, smashed between the wall of Bright’s cabin bed and Bright’s barely-clothed body. With a snarl Bright rolled over and grabbed Win’s wrists until they were held tightly above Win’s head. Both boys were breathing heavily by the time Bright had switched their places. Now perched above Win, he had his friend tightly trapped.

“Fuck you,” Bright growled at Win. His hair was mussed from sleep and he only wore his joggers. Win’s jeans were scratchy beneath him and his thick shirt smelt of pine from being outside. “You scared the shit out of me.”

Win tried to ignore the thrill Bright’s touch was causing him, and he only laughed as he struggled to pull his arms out from Bright’s firm grip. Bright smirked down at him in triumph. 

“Must have been having a great dream,” Win drawled and waggled his eyebrows obscenely at Bright. “Or you must be really happy to see me.”

“Fuck you,” Bright repeated and let go of Win. He blushed deeply. It was his fucking fault. There was no way in hell Bright would let him know that though. The dream he was having had been pretty embarrassing, so of course he was hard. “Why the fuck are you even here?” he asked as he got off of his friend.

Win laid there on his back and tried getting comfortable on Bright’s messed up bed, his whole body still tingling with nerves.“Because everyone’s been looking for you and I had a hunch.” said Win. “Did you even pack yet?”

Bright rubbed at his eyes sleepily. He was too tired for this. “I did this morning when I got back…what time is it?”

“It’s eleven,” Fuck. It felt a lot earlier than it was. Bright ran a hand through his mussed-up hair.

“What are you waiting for? Go shower!” Win hissed.

Bright let out a groan and headed for the bathroom. He could have really used a nice long shower, especially after the fantastic dream he’d been having, but he settled for a short one.

Win was still in his bedroom, lounging casually on his bed and scrolling through his cell phone, when Bright walked back in. “Ready.”

“Finally,” Win said. He grabbed Bright’s cell phone off of the bedside table and threw it to him.

He caught it and pocketed it. “Do I even get to fucking eat?”

Win gave him a funny look. “Since when do I _not_ have time for food?”

❂

The cafeteria was kept pretty clean for something in the middle of the woods. The inside was packed with people eating after their activities. There were many people from the crew there too, but that only made it that much more fun. Bright couldn’t believe he’d almost missed it thanks to his own negligence. 

“What’s up, Bright? Win?” asked Khaotung once Bright and Win grabbed their food and made the way to their table.

Win grinned at the guy, then waved at everyone already sitting. “Hey guys, ready to go back home?”

“Nah, I will miss you guys,” answered Green sadly, letting go of his usual persona and letting emotion show.

New shook his shoulder and rolled his eyes. “You act like we’re never seeing each other again.” 

Khaotung turned to face Win. “Where did you go?”

Win sat down at the empty spot near him, and Bright sat on the next. “I was waking up sleeping beauty.” He pointed towards Bright.

New turned towards him, an idiotic smile on his face. “Really now? I wonder how you did that…” He smirked, turning and rising an eyebrow for Drake, who was next to him. The latter stifled a laugh and elbowed him, as if appreciating an inside joke between them.

Bright cleared his throat. “Don’t be weird, guys.” It wasn’t like he wanted to throw his relationship with Win into people’s faces; what they had was private and nobody else needed to know about it, especially since Bright still wasn’t sure what exactly the fuck it was that they had going on between them.

Bright looked ahead again and continued eating, his sure, steady voice demanding no comment and no further dawdling from his mates. As if nothing had changed.

Bright could feel Win’s intense gaze on him, and he wished Win could just fucking see through his words for once. Bright had recently been forced to confront all too clearly how much Win actually meant to him, and he was still figuring just how _deep_ he was in. He wanted to believe they were on the same page. 

Win felt a strange tug inside him when he heard the word _weird_. It was a small, nagging idea. The idea that the musician was _ashamed_ of him. That ached. It was utterly stupid, but there it was.

Maybe nothing really had changed. To Bright, he was still the handsome prince, and Win was still the nuisance. This was how it would be for them, Win realized. This was what he was letting himself in for, in caring for the musician. He would be something for behind closed doors, not discussed in company. 

He knew this was the way things were, so what was this strange little ache inside him? He'd known all along that what he and Bright shared, whatever it was, was something that could never be acknowledged in front of others. What was he even _thinking_? He didn't want them to know, either!

“Earth to Win? You there?”

Win snapped back to Khaotung’s attention. “What?”

Khaotung was waving his hand in front of Win’s face. “Dude, whatever it is you got going on in your head right now, snap out of it. You’ll be fine, dude. Just get her some flowers or some shit.” He shook his head. “I _knew_ you had a girlfriend, bro.”

He shook his head before he reached for a piece of chicken, stealing it from his plate. “We finally fucking made it. We finished!” He mumbled between bites when he realized Win didn’t notice what he was doing.

“Yeah…” agreed Win, sounding distracted.

“Are you going to that party Green is throwing? The masquerade or whatever?,” said Khaotung, reaching out to grab some more chicken from his plate. 

Win’s eyes narrowed upon noticing what he was doing. He glared at the other boy, ignoring his question and quickly putting some distance between Khaotung and his precious food.”You must want to die.”

Khaotung grinned, and leaned on the table with both elbows, staring pointedly at him from his side. “It’d be sweet death if it’s you who kills me.” His eyes bore into his, something warm swimming within those dark irises.

Win rolled his eyes. “I don’t know what you’re talking about. I’m terrifying.” He hissed, as if that would add any weight to his words.

Khaotung laughed, arm casually wrapping around Win’s shoulders. “Come on man, are you going to the party or not?” He repeated.

“That’s the plan.” Win nodded, covering his food with both hands as Khaotung sneakily fumbled around him for it.

If Bright noticed the commotion going on beside him, he chose to ignore it. However, his poor food was getting colder every second he spent intensely glaring at it. 

“Dude, check them out,” New suddenly blurted out, motioning with his head in the direction of the cafeteria entryway.

A group of girls had just walked into the cafeteria, their tall heels clicking against the dark wood floor. Though they were wearing longish dresses, with flowers in many shades of hot pink or yellow that went almost to their knees, it was easy to see that they weren’t wearing much else.

Indeed, they were attractive. Bright glanced over at Win from the corner of his eye. He was chuckling at the gaping faces of the other boys, and Bright smiled quick and sweet. He brushed his fingertips against Win’s under the table, warmth spreading in his gut at the responding flush he received.

“Whoa,” Drake breathed out once they were gone. He looked over at New and gave him an approving nod. “Dang.”

New nodded. “I fucking love this job.”

They were, Bright thought. But  Win was special. And the stars would shine for him in the Sun’s light if he asked them to.

❂

Once they had everything that they needed, they left the main building of the camp, pulled on their bags, and headed down towards the bus. It only took fifteen minutes for everyone to gather inside and settle down comfortably, relaxing into the seats as soft music echoed from the speakers of the bus. Everyone was exhausted, and most were dozing off for the long drive. Win settled down besides Bright and immediately drifted off into a calm, soundless sleep.

Bright grunted as he juggled his bag in his hand before finally finding his headphones and putting them in his ear. As bittersweet as it was, he was excited to be home and enjoy the next two week vacation before interviews and the like picked back up. He had to stop by the grocery store on the way home since he knew food was lacking in his kitchen. His mornings breakfasts were pathetically sad and he wanted something richer than eggs now he would have time. He wanted to cook in his own kitchen after being away from it for so long.

An incoherent mumble to his left made him jump slightly in the quiet. He glanced towards Win, mouth hanging open as he mumbled something in his sleep. Bright removed his headphones. “-Bread”

Bright had to try really hard to stifle the laugher that threatened to burst out of him. What he hell kind of dream was he having? He chuckled.

He really didn’t know how he did it, but even in his sleep, he managed to put a smile on the older boy’s lips. Bright felt a strange aching sorrow in his gut once he realized they no longer had a legitimate excuse to continue their budding relationship. He panicked, the thought weighting down on him for the rest of the way.

There was _still_ so much left unsaid.

There had to be more. More to finding themselves. More to their glances and touches. More to these feelings… If there was anything that would keep them going, it's this.


	14. Reflection

Many melodic tones chimed through the empty living room. A constant, dozen tones of music danced throughout the expanse of the condo. A modern steel clock hung above his head and the piano in front of him.

With every chime of the clock, fingers would press down, making a melody until the chimes themselves ended, causing the playing to abruptly end as well. It was one of those simultaneous things.

The last eight days could be summed up easily with one simple word, that being: BORING. To expound upon this concept, one could add the modifiers 'endlessly', 'excruciatingly', and/or 'as fuck' as needed, but suffice to say that with this amount of BORING, it was not necessary in the least to relate all of the family events he’d been to in the last eight days. It should be assumed that Win had no more patience to take on his sly sibling’s comments. 

And now he was just BORED. In all caps.

When he’d first arrived to his own living space, the silence was welcome. Now that boredom had forsaken it, he realized that such precious silence was a sharp double edged sword, because now he had nothing else to distract him from his thoughts.

The idea of Bright was hovering somewhere, misty and partially-formed and Win watched it waver in heat waves in the air over his sun-stroked piano keys and wondered at it. Wondered again about Bright and that last night they spent together at the cabin. Wondered about Bright’s face turning into his touch, like a momentary loss of control or a need that couldn't be expressed.

He glanced at his cellphone resting next to him on the piano bench. Reached for it for the third time that hour and lifted it to his face. _Nothing_ from the person he wanted something from. 

He pursed his lips in a line and placed back the phone next to him.

His mind was already beginning to replay what had happened over and over and over again. What he should have done, what he should have said, what should have happened that final night. Now that the magic from those final days faded, he couldn’t help but wonder what would _had_ happened if whoever was out walking hadn’t been there. Would Bright really have just walked away, let him end things without a second thought?

He remembered Bright once tried to put a stop to the curious advances they were making several soccer games ago. He approached him with eyes holding regret after their first kiss. Told him maybe they shouldn’t have done that. That night really cracked something deep inside him. To the point he had convinced himself it was over for good on the day they wrapped up filming and he had thanked Bright for his care.

When Bright turned up at his cabin, he was filled with such annoying amount of hope. And then when Bright agreed they should stop, he thought it was truly over. Even if it was for a few minutes, it was officially over.

Sometimes it bothered him when he started to think about it. It was like that with almost all of his decisions these days. Once things had passed, he couldn’t help but look back and wonder why he did the things he did and why what seemed smart at the time seemed so fucking stupid later on. Kissing Bright back that night was a perfect example of that. He could blame the alcohol that he had drank but none of it had been enough to really cloud his judgment.

Win isn’t sure how to feel about it anymore. He gave into Bright way too easily. The realization made Win wonder if maybe, just maybe... Bright was thinking that somehow, the ends justified the means if Win was okay with it _after_ the fact.

Was that why he hadn’t even tried to contact him? Was he just waiting for Win to come _crawling_ back again for his next fix? _Well he could just go to hell._ Win pressed his eyes closed, trying to will the memory of lips pressing against his away. He'd never reach out if that was the case. Never.

The previously preoccupied fingers now found themselves running through strands of dark brown toned hair, and then retreating to the temples upon the owner. He mumbled a sound of annoyance as his fingers traced circles there.

He swallowed the lump in his throat. He was the biggest idiot on the planet, because... it still _hurt._

He couldn't help wondering if somewhere inside, Bright had the twisted idea that this would be for Win’s own good. 

Win let out a groan of frustration and slammed his elbows and arms into the piano keys in front of him, resting his head above his wrapping arms. _Fuck_ , he hissed in his mind. He hated the way his whole body started to ache when he thought about that, hated the way he wanted to just scream out his frustration. 

Reality was, that he would have to face him again eventually, specially if they wanted to continue growing their careers. Reality was, that when the feelings got bad enough, and no other person can make him feel what Bright does... he didn't know if he would have the strength to give up. Reality was, no matter where he ran, even if he could fight his own feelings and hang onto his sanity... eventually, Bright would find him and finish what they’d started. Win wondered if the musician would make him suffer first, or if he'd just get it over with.

❂

The nights were definitely the hardest.

Grunting something incoherent as he did so, Bright pushed open the doors of his apartment. Everything was like he had left it. His couch had new pillows piled on top of it and his guitar was in the middle on the coffee table. Taking a long exhaled sigh, the boy passed through the apartment, making his way to his kitchen counter and picking up his phone. He had left it there this afternoon before he went out to run errands, on purpose. Once grabbing it, he sauntered towards his couch and crashed on top of his newly purchased pillows.

There were endless messages on all platforms towards him and a few texts from his friends, but that wasn’t really what caught his attention.

“A voice message," Bright perked up in a low voice, instantly pushing back at the flutter that threatened to invade his stomach. Regardless, he found himself hastily placing pressure with his finger on the play button.

“Why do you even have a cellphone?” Bright pushed away any and all feelings of disappointment that pooled in his gut and sighed, rolling his eyes at the annoyed voice of his mom.“Be ready at 9am tomorrow to be picked up. Auntie Lara is putting together a family gathering to celebrate!” He groaned and instantly dialed back his moms number.

“I know I don’t have a choice. ” He breathed out, voice assertive, but passive. “But I need to know. Who is going to be there?”

“Hello to you too, Bright.” He could picture her shaking her head on the other side. Then her voice perked up. “Everyone!”

“Everyone?”

He could almost hear her nod and pictured the huge grin on her face. “Thong, Bass and Lara, Grandma, Aunt Rua, her husband and the kids. Even Fong.”

Bright perked up at that. “Fong is going to be there?”

“Duh. She _lives_ there.”

“Right,” He hadn’t thought about that. Fong was his favorite cousin. He hadn’t seen her since they were both Junior in high school but they still talked occasionally though instagram and text. 

“Yes so be ready.” She reminded him to bring a few essentials - what is it with adults always treating their adult children like, well, children? - and then ended the call. 

He exhaled a deep sigh. Even if Fong was going to be there, he still did not feel like being clamped up in a room full of adults talking over each other asking him questions he wasn’t ready to answer.

What he did want to do, though, was to send a text that would change everything about his week. He wanted the courage to make the decision himself, to just fucking make up his mind before it was too late.

Unless it was already too late.

Just thinking about that made him slam his phone down on the couch. Even though he couldn’t bring himself to think directly about it, he knew what it was that his heart yearned for in the night. Why couldn’t it be easy? Why couldn’t he just push him from his mind the way he did everything else? It couldn’t have been real. What they had – what they’d been doing – couldn’t have been fucking real. It had all happened so randomly. It couldn’t have fucking _meant_ anything.

Saying goodbye to that aspect of their relationship was supposed to be _easier_. Now that he didn’t have to worry about anything, now that his secret was actually safe, he could just focus on moving on with everything else. Whatever it was that had happened between them, everything that shouldn’t have happened between them, could be erased and they both could continue on as they were supposed to. It wasn’t supposed to fucking hurt like this. It hadn’t been love. It fucking _hadn’t_. That, like everything else, had just been a figment of their imagination, conjured up on a whim by their shared mindlessness.

He dragged a hand over his mouth as he delved into his thoughts.

Pulling his aching hand away from his mouth, he reached out in the dark for his cellphone. _No_ , he hissed to his mind a final time. _Don’t do it_.

N othing lasts - not even if you wished with everything you had that it did.

And that's why, he tells himself. That's why.

It had nothing to do with cowardice. It had nothing to do with his fear of the unknown. It had nothing to do with those forbidden mornings where he would wake up and wonder just where the fuck his life was going, and just how the fuck he was going to be able to fall asleep to another day of blissful ignorance.

It was doomed from the start. They both knew that, and for a long time, they pretended they didn’t.

His hands shook as he squeezed his cellphone, hard enough that he worried that he might even break it. After several seconds of mind-wrenching delusions, he let the phone fall back on the couch.

He breathed deeply, almost panting. He felt as though he’d just run a couple of miles. This was nothing. This was what normal people did when there were major changes in their lives. That’s what he was going to convince himself of. This had nothing to do with the other person. This was just him, a twenty-two year old boy with… problems. He was stressed about _work_ , not relationships. Not…sexuality. Fuck, it had nothing to do with sexuality. That’s just what he’d convinced himself of at first. No, it was the stress from everything else. He’d simply imagined all the other stuff, the emotional attachment.

“No,” he said aloud, barely more than a whisper. It silenced all the other thoughts. He took another deep breath, trying to calm his heavily beating heart. He was sweating profusely, feeling almost feverish. The thoughts running through his head were practically driving him crazy.

_So many memories._ So many painted canvases adorning the plain walls of his mind. He couldn't escape his heart, and he couldn't escape reality. Reality was, without Win, Bright would probably have a few months, tops, before he started sliding back to a normal, routine-filled but still somehow chaotic life. Maybe a year if he was lucky, but he doubted it. Without Win, he’d be empty space. Again.

Maybe going to visit his family was just what he needed. At least something could be back to normal for a day. Maybe it would make everything easier. He didn’t know how, but maybe.

Arising to his feet, he scuffled bare feet against the polished wood floors and made his way to the adjoining room, only a few yards away. Once inside, he was emerged in the darkness. Regardless of that fact, he knew exactly where he was going. As he edged and fell forward onto his bed, he buried his face into the plush pillow that greeted him.

Another night. Another sleepless night.

❂

They pulled into the long driveway and parked the car near the other cars already there. Uncle Thong let out two sharp honks letting anyone inside the house know that they were there.

The front door opened as Bright was getting out of the car.

“Bright?”

Bright glanced up and saw his aunt standing at the doorway. Wearing a yellow long dress and a frilly, parsley patterned apron, she looked like an old housewife. Bright stood up and walked over to her, pulling her into a tight hug. She squeezed him back and Bright could feel the wetness of her tears as she kissed both sides of his face.

She pulled away. “Let me look at you.” Taking his face into her cold hands, she stared up at him with eyes that brimmed with tears. “I am _so_ proud of you.”

Bright swallowed the lump in his throat and glanced away from her. Uncle Thong and his mom were leaving the vehicle and had begun to walk up the path towards them. Bass looked nervous but smiled charmingly. Thong held his mouth in warm smile as he approached. 

“Lara,” he said. He leaned down and kissed her on the cheek. “It’s been a long time.”

❂

Bright walked over to the porch and leaned against it. Damn, it was really windy out. He pulled his denim jacket around himself. It was only two but it felt much later than that; the way the white, fluffy clouds hung low in the sky obscured the sun and casted long shadows.

The last two hours consisted of small chatter with the family. They had asked him questions about the show and his experience while doing it. Surprisingly, no one asked him very specific questions and the initial tension in the room had melted into familiar comfort. He played with Lu, the family dog, for a bit. He decided to listen to music as his aunties and mother all gushed over making a huge feast for lunch.

The crunching of tires over dirt caught his attention. A black car pulled into the driveway. The windows were too tinted to see who was in the front seats but Bright had a feeling that he knew who it was. Biting back his excitement, he began to walk down the pathway towards the car.

The passenger seat opened up and a girl his age got out of the car. Olive skin and hair that was medium length, chocolate colored, she hopped off the car. Her lips broke into a wide smile and with a high pitched-squeal she started to run to Bright

He laughed and caught her in his arms. Lu barked crazily and nipped at their heels. Her light, tinkling laughter only made him laugh harder. He’d missed Fong like crazy.

She jumped out of his arms, twirling around. “Like my new look?”

He couldn’t tell at first what was so new about it. “Uh, yeah?”

Fong frowned, putting her hands on her hips. “I cut my hair.”

“Oh,” he said, glancing at her more closely. He guessed it looked kind of different. It used to be kind of long and just plain and now it looked more curly and choppy. “I like it?”

She scoffed, not buying his act. “Fine, fine, whatever. Help me grab the groceries.”

Bright walked over with her and grabbed the grocery bags from the trunk of her car.

“Holy shit, Fong, how much stuff did you bring?” he asked, hauling the bags over to the house.

“You know we like to _eat_.” she quipped, sending him a quick smile.

He laughed. “Fair enough.”

❂

“That was so good,” said Fong as she finished up her plate. “Your mom’s food is like, heaven. Seriously.”

He smiled. "She definitely knows what she's doing.”

She wiped her mouth off with a napkin.“I can’t believe how long it’s been since I’ve _seen_ you,” said Fong.“What has it been? six…seven years?”

“Six,” answered Bright. “We were Juniors, I think.”

“Oh, yeah,” she said and laughed. “And now you’re a huge!”

Bright was silent.

“We used to talk all the time on the phone. Do you remember that?”

He nodded. “Yeah.”

“I miss that.”

“I got really busy,” he explained, feeling somewhat guilty. “And you could have always driven out to see me,” he added. Fong looked over at him with a scowl. “Okay, maybe not. But at least we have social media.”

“It’s not the same.”

“Yeah…I know.”

“So, how are you?” He asked. “Still working at that one place…the…”

“The Morning Cafe? Yes, I do,” she said. “I actually really like it. The owner is really nice to me.”

“I remember loving the egg sandwiches from that place.”

She shrugged. “Yeah, but…I really wanted to go to college first, you know?”

“You could always go to school later,” he said. 

“I know…I have a lot to think about,” she said with a soft sigh. “But what about you?” she asked. “How are you?”

He shrugged. “I’m good. I just…I work a lot. For the show. We just finished around two weeks ago and I begin again Monday.”

“That’s great,” she said. “Do you like it ?”

“My job?”

She nodded.

It was his turn to look at her. “What do you think?”

“I think you do.”

Bright laughed. “It’s fun.”

“Sure,” she said. She raised her eyebrows suggestively. He barked a laugh and ran a hand though his hair nervously “What?”

“Oh, come on, Bright! You can trust me!” They were close in her room. The plush toy on her bed looked crooked and forgotten beside her computer.

He shot her a look. He still said nothing. His cell phone vibrated, reminding him why he came to begin with. He dug into his pocket and pulled out his cell phone. It was a text sent on Groupchat.

**Reminder: masks are required for the party on Tomorrow.** ****

Green’s fucking masquerade party. Fuck. It was tomorrow and he _still_ needed to get a mask. Why the fuck was this thing even a masquerade? How was that relevant at all? Whatever. He’d get a headache trying to understand all the different personalities surrounding him. 

He figured he’d rock a mask and a suit though. But shit, what kind of mask? Maybe he could just get the standard and get it over with. Nothing with glitter though. He’d probably lean more towards a dark color, black if he were honest. Those masks always seemed way more interesting to him. Maybe his whole get up would be that of a villain. Dark suit, dark mask - he was getting excited as he pieced a fit together in his head. He would never admit it out loud but vanity wasn’t the reason for his excitement - Win would be there.

_Win would be there_. He turned towards Fong and promptly used the reminder to change the subject. “Hey Fong, I need your help.”

“My help?” she said. Her head tilted and her eyes flashed with curiosity, “For what?”

❂

The sun was lower in the sky and through the clouds he could see touches of pink and red. It was warm out; but by now the weather had cooled and he really just wanted to sit on the concrete square benches adoring the beautiful garden outside the mall. It was gorgeous out and he couldn’t stop staring at the sunset.

A soft giggle got his attention. Fong reached into one of the shopping bags next to her and grabbed a fist full of the chocolate treats she bought. She passed a few to Bright and started eating them. “You haven’t changed much,”

That caught him off guard. Bright felt he’d changed more the previous 7 months than he had in the entire 4 years of high school and his college life combined. “What makes you think that?” He replied, genuinely curious.

“You’ve always done that, the whole stare contest with the sky.” She pointed a finger up. “I’m surprised you aren’t taking pictures of the clouds or something.”

Bright laughed. Think about it, it had been a while since he last used his camera. In fact, the last time he used it, he had been with —

“Yeah,” mumbled Bright. “I miss it.”

She stared at him. “Really? You miss taking pictures of the sky?”

“The easier times, dumbass.” It surprised Bright how easily they had fallen back into their friendship. No amount of time or distance seemed to have lessened the bond they had created growing up. Their friendship just blossomed after they entered high school together. “I barely remember it.”

She stared at him and repeated her earlier response. “Really?”

“Sometimes I do. This whole thing was just kind of… unexpected.”

“What whole thing?” asked Fong. “Oh…you mean the show.”

Bright froze for second before he shrugged. “Yeah, but not exactly,” he said.

“Okay now you’re losing me, Bright.

Bright felt a lump raise in his throat. He didn’t want to talk about this shit anymore. That wasn’t why they’d come there. “So, your boyfriend.”

She grinned at Bright. “What about him?”

He returned her grin. “I’ve seen you guys in your instagram. He seems nice.”

“Yeah” she said, pouting. “He’s quiet. He’s mature. But we fight a lot, but that’s normal, right? Those you fight with are worth fighting for?”

“I dunno about that,” he said.

“Well, I love him,” she said. “I really do. We…” she trailed off.

Bright glanced at her sideways. “Not my baby cousin?'

She lowered her voice even though there was no one around to hear them. “We did it for the first time a couple of months ago.”

“Your first time?”

She nodded, a soft smile on her lips.

“Well?”

“It was good,” she said. “Great, actually. His parents were away and…well, I felt ready. I think he wants to marry me.”

“Then why were you fighting?”

“Usually we fight about him working,” she said. “I think he works too much at the restaurant and it doesn’t pay enough.”

“Usually?” 

She grinned at him. “The other fights were consensual.”

“Oh.” He guesses that’s as far as that needed to go.

“Speaking of that...are you going to dish about your many girlfriends or what? You know I live salaciously through you.”

“We’re not together anymore.”

“Oh,” she said. “I love the pictures you guys always took together. She was so pretty.”

“You’re pretty.”

She slapped his arm. “Shut up. So, anyone new?”

_Just do it_ , he whispered to himself. _Just fucking do it_.

“Uh…” His heart began to hammer in his chest. His mouth went dry and he could no longer meet her eyes. He took a deep breath and tried to find the words that he was looking for but every time he tried to speak it came out all wrong. “Well, kind of…it’s complicated, anyway…”

“Complicated?” she asked. “Oh please, Bright. What is so complicated about liking someone?”

He stared at her. “Um.” He licked his lips. “I’m kind of…I kind of like someone…different.” He winced at the way the words were finally coming out.

“Different?” she asked, eyes hiding something behind innocence. “Like…older than you?”

“No,” he said. “No, it’s not that…”

“Fuck, Bright, it’s not like you’re going to tell me that you’re _gay_ or something,” She said with a knowing look. He gave her a pained look and diverted his eyes away from hers, suddenly unable to look at her. He wasn’t aware that his heart could beat faster than it already was and yet he could feel it racing to the point that he began to hurt in his chest.

“Bright, look at me.”

Bright slowly glanced over at Fong, his eyes meeting hers. Her warm brown eyes didn’t look surprised. They looked sad as they seemed to stare right through Bright as she regarded him patiently. “Yes?”

“What do you see?”

He blinked, confused by her question. “What?”

“What do you see?” Fong repeated. “What do you see when you look at me?”

Bright looked at her. He saw the young face of a girl that had been as close as family could get to him. He saw the brown eyes of a girl who watched and saw everything before she spoke. He saw a girl who had decided to get out and work to help her family even if it meant delaying her own dreams. He saw the girl who had shed as many tears as he had when his father left. He saw a girl that he hadn’t even thought to turn to for help these past few months. A girl who had a look of pain on her face that was well-hidden until Bright had looked for it.

“Do you trust me?”

Bright hesitated for only a split second before he whispered, “Yes.”

Fong sat back on the bench, observing Bright’s response with patient understanding. “I am glad.”

“I-” He broke himself off and stared at her for a moment. She gazed back at him, her eyes warm. She shared his eyes, that brilliant brown. Fong was the closest person in his life. When he lost his dad, it was her that he went to. When he first lost his virginity, it was her that he went to. When he got in trouble during his school days, it was her that he went to and spilled whatever it was caused it. He knew everything about her and she knew everything about him. If there were anybody in the world that he could trust right now, it would be her.

“I’m not… _gay_ …” he started. Fuck. He hadn’t said that word out loud in a long time. “But, uh…I guess I’m not exactly…straight.” He winced. That sounded horrible. “I guess… ”

“So it’s a guy?” 

“Yeah… Yeah.”

“So, is it serious?” 

His eyes widened. “I… I don’t know. We haven’t talked in two weeks.”

Fong chuckled. “What don’t you know? That you liked him? I’ve seen you go through enough crushes to know when it’s more than that.”

Bright felt the annoying fluttering wings and looked down, focusing on the little ants picking at crumbs of chocolate on the ground.

“It’s a secret?” His attention went back to her.

He scowled at her. “Of course it fucking is. You can’t tell _anyone_ , Fong. Promise me.”

“I promise,” said Fong. She sat there for a moment in silence. “But Bright don’t you think all the secrecy might be adding to whatever problems you have?”

“No, Fong. There isn’t a problem…” He felt his voice give away at the lie. 

She sighed. “Bright…step one to solving a problem is admitting it.”

“Fong…”

“Why are you making this so hard?” she asked. “ _Listen_. You’re not sure how you feel about him when it comes to your relationship because you spend so much time hiding it. But if it was out in the open with someone you trust, then you’ll be able to feel, even if it’s just for a moment, what it might be like if you come out.”

She reached out and touched his leg. He saw that she was giving him a sympathetic glance. Her words made so much sense to Bright that he actually considered the thought, watched the thought piece together puzzle pieces in his mind.

“I didn’t know,” he mumbled, suddenly feeling the need to explain himself. “We didn’t…we didn’t mean for this to happen. It wasn’t supposed to happen. I'm not... ” The words felt heavy on his shoulders.

She smiled and then cuddled up next to him. “You have to do whatever feels right to you. I’m not going to judge you for it. It’s your call,” she finished. “But from an outsider’s point of view? I don’t get it. It sounds like what you guys have is… different. _Special_. I dunno. But it seems really stupid that you would suddenly drop it without even giving it a chance. Not a lot of people get to find someone at our age, or find something _real_. I think you have that, Bright. I really do."

He winced at Fong's words, each one cutting into him. "Do you think about him?”

He hesitated, but felt his entire self unravel before her. “Every fucking second.”

They were both silent for a couple of moments. It was starting to get weird, sitting there like this. People were going in and out of the mall, moving on with their evenings, while Bright for once thought about the future instead of the past.

The fact of the matter is that he makes bad decisions – often – and especially in the flurry of the moment. He needed to start making changes or retributions, but he had no idea how or where to start. He wanted to move onto the next thing with a clean slate. No more drama, no more nonsense, no more anything except well-thought out plans and flawless executions.

He tried to block out all of the thoughts that were fighting for attention in his mind. None of them mattered right now. He knew he had a lot of work to put into himself.

❂

Win was ecstatic to say the least when the welcomed distraction of helping Green and Gigie with some details regarding his party surfaced out of thin air. He’d never gotten ready so fast. He was pleased to have found Khaotung and the others were also joining them.

Four hours full of professional phone calls and crucial shopping essentials later, the rambunctious, deafening sounds of his friends running through the soccer field were muffled by the soft echo of music coming from the bluetooth speaker currently placed by Gigie’s lap on the bleachers.

Luke was this messy-haired kid in a yellow jersey who showed up about an hour later. He had a bright smile that he directed at pretty much everything and a soccer ball under his arm. Despite all this, Win didn't think anything particular of him aside from the fact that he was very friendly, until he got on the field and put them all to shame.

Neither Mike nor Drake appeared to be surprised by this, so Win didn't comment and allowed Luke to proceed with emasculating all of them for another hour.

It was still early Friday but already he needed a break; He finally collapsed on the grass panting by the bleachers, pulled up his phone and started half-reading some tweets in the show's tag, already buzzing with excited fans over the new episode releasing that night.

After spending his entire week working on his assignments – and doing other things with his family and friends–he thought that somehow things would be easier. It wasn’t. If anything, things were even harder. Between his never-ending list of to-do collaborations and his rapidly approaching graduation date, Win felt like he couldn’t slow down, not even for a second.

“Shit,” Win muttered as he glanced down at what he was reading and realized that he’d scrolled through a couple of pages of tweets but hadn’t actually retained a single word. Going back to where he was before, he attempted to start reading again but the sudden onslaught of photos of him and Bright staring back at him undid all the effort he’d put in for the last two weeks.

He watched Luke kick out the ball from under Mike's foot while attempting something fancy (again). Gigie stayed on the bleacher a few meters away; she was curled on her side, knees bent and ankles crossed, a paperback curled in her hand. Win had a perfect view of her sat as he was on the grass while.

Lounging there reading, she reminded him so strongly of Bright that after a minute of sitting and watching, Win got up and walked towards the steps to the stadium to go join her.

Come to think of it, Bright even ditched their lunch to hang out with her once, and they seemed very close. Win never really got over the way he felt around her - a little confused, if he were honest. He liked her as a person, but a part of him couldn’t seem to separate the correlation between Tine, Sarawat, and Pam and then Bright, Nevy, and himself. Perhaps Bright also saw her this way?  It wasn’t like he could ask her or anything. She didn’t owe him an explanation. 

A part of him _did_ want to know. 

She sat up when he approached, rolling forward kind of absently and still not entirely certain what moved him to go down there except that she was some strange common denominator between Bright and himself. She smiled, folded her legs and her hands around the book in her lap and waited for him to sit. Like she'd just been here waiting for him to come and ask her questions.

Win sat down, but once there wasn't sure where to start.

“I finally get you to myself,” she whispered excitedly, and her voice was half a laugh and partially nervous. Which was nice; she wasn't quite sure where to go with this, either. “I wasn’t sure if you were mad at me or something.”

“Why would I be?” Did he make any faces while staring at her? Oh god. He really hoped he did not do that. 

"Bright, mostly." She shrugged a little, almost an apology. "I don't get to see him much these days, though.”

Bright’s darkening eyes sprang to mind instantly, complete with the tilt of lips and the way his eyes curled downwards to his lips and the fall of hair framing his face, and that was exactly how he'd looked right before he-

“But why would I be angry at you over Bright?" Win licked his lips, paused with one finger against the grain of wood beneath his hand. “Why me?"  


Gigie had a smile that was kind of like a warm drop of rain landing on your cheek-surprising but not unpleasant, and almost pleasing so that you came to expect more after a moment of considering it. "Who else?" The book fluttered its pages under her thumbs and she tilted her head, watching him. “Why’d you come over, Win?”

He shrugged, ignoring the chill that crawled up his spine. With a s mall, apologetic shake of his head, he said, “To see if you wanted to play soccer.” 

Gigie  laughed and it was rain-soft the way her smile was. "Of course.”


	15. Mask Off

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is over 100 pages long. I know, it’s a monster. I'm sorry!

Win lounged on the couch in his boxers and a baggy oversized hoodie that Saturday afternoon, only stopping for a quick lunch break, which consisted of him making himself a cheese sandwich in the kitchen before going back to his show. He kept the blinds drawn so that he could see everything that much more clearly. It kept the show pretty immersive.

By the time seven o’clock rolled around he realized that he’d lost an entire afternoon to playing video games and catching up on TV shows. The sun had already long set and it was time for him to get off his ass and get into the shower.

He left the room and went into the bathroom. He turned on the shower and, while he waited for it to heat up, he brushed his teeth. As the water heated up, he started to think about the party that he was about to go. There was that sense of familiar anticipation hovering at the back of his mind. After a full two weeks of no contact, he would see him.

He remembered what Gigie had said the day before. After having pondered over her words the entire way back home and through the night, he felt like a sudden, heavier weight had set itself on his shoulders. It made him wonder: Did she know something about them? If so, did Bright tell her? No one else knew about them so of course if she knew, Bright told her. But if he did, then why?

The notion made an inexplicable flutter reverberate through his entire being, one that shattered the bubble he had wrapped his situation under for the last two weeks. One that made him feel both hopeful and afraid because he had almost convinced himself it was over.

Almost.

The water was finally warm enough, and he hopped in.

The idea that Bright could have been telling others about them made everything seem that much more real, and a lot less like the kiddy bullshit he’d been trying to convince himself it was for the past two weeks.

He rubbed at his hair with his towel until his tresses were almost completely dry. Leaving the bathroom, he entered his bedroom. He’d already set out what he wanted to wear. Gigie had said that he didn’t need a tux which meant that it was casual, but he still needed to dress nice. He’d picked out a cream button up shirt and slipped on the nicest white pair of fitted trousers that he had, a nice pair of dress shoes, and tried his best to get his hair to cooperate as he styled his bangs to the side. When he was done, he looked through the room checking to see he had everything. Wallet, keys, phone, watch, mask. He was ready.

Unlocking the car, he took a seat and started it up, preparing for the somewhat long drive there. With the sounds of new song blaring through his car, he headed up towards the Shangri-la hotel, his nerves a bundled mess of excitement and tension as he drove up the highway.

❂

Win placed the empty champagne glass back onto another tray. It was his 6th shot, which wasn't much by by his own standards, but it still managed to get a buzz going for him. Glancing at Khaotung… he was surprised to see him also as affected by the alcohol. Even the rosy cheeks.

He tapped Win on the hand when he went to drink again, motioning his head at him to grab him another as well.

He checked his watch, staring in disbelief - it was already eleven! Time had flown. Win frowned, there were still no signs of Bright anywhere and he was starting to think he wasn’t going to come. No, he was sure of it. Whatever hopes he had before tonight were swallowed into the small, hallow ache hovering in the pit of his stomach.

Shaking it off and returning his attention to the conversation around him, he pinched Khaotung’s sleeve as he was babbling to Green and Gigie about how happy he was.

The night turned out better than everyone expected, a happy crowd dancing on the floor, buzzed with alcohol and other possible substances. He was currently on the dance floor, Green, Gigie, and Khaotung had stayed closed beside him the whole night, often teasing him about his alcohol tolerance.

He wasn't having a bad time. He just wondered where Bright was, and why he didn’t come.

The sounds of heels approaching were unmistakable behind him. “Win!” He heard the voice before he turned around and saw Love standing behind him, wide smile on her angelic face.

What Love was wearing made the world stand still; her dress fell in delicate folds around her body, tight in some places and loose in others, and was the richest shade of red that he’d ever seen. The rest of the dress hugged her body until it reached her hips, where it began to hang loosely. Her mask was a hand held mask, complete with the wooden stick in her hands holding it on her face. A rich deep brown, elegant, and simple. Her lips were painted a vibrant red that parted when she smiled gently at him.

She was gorgeous. There were no other words to describe it.

“Wow,” he muttered, walking up to her. “You look beautiful,” he said truthfully.

She smiled once more at him, almost shy. “Really?”

“My two darlings,” Green breathed out, beaming at the two of them. “The two of you look absolutely perfect together.”

“You guys really do,” added Nanan, who was next to Love. She stood next to her in a tight silver gown, her short hair styled back. “If they ever remade the show with a straight couple as a main it should be you two.”

Win glanced over at Love and could see her blush with pleasure. Gigie’s expression went from that casual smile on to a straight poker face.

“Pictures?” Green flashed them a smile as he pulled up his cellphone.

Love was standing beside him, her body warm and smelling of vanilla. He took a step and stood right beside her, arms touching. Standing so close to her was bringing back the guilt feelings that he thought he was finally able repress. He was feeling strangely uncomfortable.

Within a few minutes everyone went on a photo taking spree.

Love moved Win’s arms so that they were around her waist. She grinned at him, looking up at him through her thick lashes. She was seductive in her moves. With all the alcohol buzzing his mind, he knew his body was going to react to her exactly as she wanted it.

But it didn’t.

Win flushed. He couldn’t tell if it was because of how close everyone was too each other, clogging up the room with their body heat, or if it was because of the lack of stirring in his groin that he’d expected. Not wanting Love to notice his lack of interest, he lifted his arm and rested it on her shoulders. He waited for himself to react this time, to fucking feel something, but still he felt nothing.

❂

Bright tugged on the black mask he was wearing and fixed it over his face. He felt more than a little over-done in the black long button up top, black tailored pants, and black dress shoes, but the entire ensemble was actually quite comfortable, at least as far as wearing clothes went. Still he felt like an over dressed interloper as he entered the main hall of the Shangri-la hotel two and a half whole hours late. He had just gotten back from his overnight family visit an hour ago.

Bright couldn’t help but glance at the other side of the hotel. The lobby to the hotel was fucking huge; with the stone columns, marble floors, and lush decorations, the whole place reeked of abundance.

He quietly entered the correct hall, trying not to really catch anyone’s attention. The front door, which was propped open showed him a view of the well-lit party from within.

Grabbing a glass from one of the drink trays as he walked in, he took in his surroundings. Everything he saw looked professionally made. A huge chandelier dangled from the center of the room, looking as though it was dripping diamonds. In a corner were tables piled with treats and drinks. Trinkets from the show were showcased around, things like Sarawat’s guitar and Tine’s cheerleading uniform. The dance floor was covered with masked dancers, the girls in their beautiful outfits and flowing hair and guys in their tailored dress pants and elegant shirts. Though the lights were dimmed, everything seemed alight with the almost mystic feeling of together. It really was like they’d been transported back in time.

Plenty of his masked team were milling around as he stepped through the open way. Music filtered through the rooms playing the soft, almost jazzy mixes of some current big pop song and electronics. They were all drinking martinis or beers or other cocktails.

Of course, he barely recognized anyone with the fancy get ups and their masks. He should have texted Green or Gun before he came inside; that would have been the smart thing. The mask was starting to make the bridge of his nose itch.

He had spent the whole way back thinking about tonight. He knew he had to start making reparations one way or another, but he had no idea how to start or where to begin. Looking back at the last couple of months had made him realize he’d been leading Win on about something he himself wasn’t sure of, and his actions had hurt him during the process. Crippling guilt clawed along the edges of his thoughts, laced through with hurt.

Bright felt himself begin to sweat nervously as he walked around. All the adrenaline and conviction he’d felt yesterday were quickly draining as he took in his surroundings. “Jesus fucking Christ,” he mumbled to himself. What the fuck was he doing? He didn’t have a plan. Fuck, he didn’t even know what he was actually trying to do.

Tinkling, soft laughter caught his attention. A group was standing nearby, and he heard a familiar voice although he wasn’t sure due to the dim lights if he got the owner right. He could recognize that voice anywhere. Still, he wanted to be sure, but he was cemented in place, back towards the group as he heard their chatter.

After a couple seconds of standing there with his back to them like an idiot, he remembered that he had a mask on. He turned around, acting like he was looking around for something, and realized that he sort of was.

Bright didn’t say anything. He stood there, not breathing.

“Bright!"

He recognized that voice who cried his name--cheered it, really, like she hadn’t seen him in years and she could barely believe it when she saw him. It was Gigie, standing right besides Green who was currently taking photos on his phone of a masked couple.

Win’s entire face jerked in the direction of Gigie’s voice, heart speeding to a mile a minute. His insides had twisted at the mention of Bright’s name. As badly as he hadn’t wanted to admit that nothing Love did affected him, he felt in reverse for Bright. The way the boy’s name had sent a chill down Win’s spine was undeniable. But he couldn’t feel that way. He just couldn’t.

Bright felt Win’s eyes and stared back at him, their eyes meeting. Even with their masks on, it made no difference. As soon as those brown eyes met his, it was over. 

Win

Seeing him made Bright’s heart jump just a little and he smiled, kind of ridiculously, but he didn't really care if it was ridiculous or not because a second later it registered that it was _Win’s_ arms full of someone _else_ , and that kind of required all his attention.

Bright blinked, disbelieving. Emotions flashed across his face; shock, confusion, and pain

The two boys were silent, staring at each other in the amber glow of lights around them. Win’s heart thumped in his chest and he could swear that he could practically hear Bright’s heartbeat as well through the hollering crowd. Even though the air was warm with body heat, he felt almost cold. Finding himself once more at the edge of a precipice, Win felt torn in so many different directions that he had no idea where to turn.

Bright bit back down the bitter feeling and walked towards them, putting on a smile for show. Win instantly put some distance between Love and himself.

If anyone felt any of the sudden tension in the room, no one paid any attention to it. Or perhaps it was the fact no one knew him and Win had practically ghosted each other. “Hey guys.”

“You look amazing,” Gigie beamed, giving Bright a quick side hug.

“Hey man!” Khaotung lifted the beer in his hands and tapped it against Bright’s. “I see you brought a little something extra.”

“They’re giving free alcohol,” he took a sip of his glass, trying to ignore his speeding heartbeat and Win’s eyes on him.

“No shit, I know that. I’ve had it already, I mean the bottle in your pocket.” He motioned down towards the small flask in his pocket, courtesy of Fong. “Oh, it’s just a family charm.” He smirked.

“Playing with the big boys, aren’t you?” Khaotung teased, turning to face Win as if he would join in the teasing. Win just stood there, ignoring Bright and anything related to him, unsure of what to do but knowing danm well he wouldn’t make the first move.

A commotion at the nearby entry to the party hall drew everyone’s attention. The talk had grown louder and several people were detaching themselves from conversations to head in this direction. He could tell everyone was either crossing the tipsy line or near the finish line

Mike had arrived at the party. He was fashionably late, dressed to the hilt and tailed unobtrusively by three other masked guests who followed him into the room. Drake and two girls grinned at the warm welcome offered by everyone, returning greetings and flirting charmingly with a couple of the guys that flocked to their side.

Bright caught Win looking his direction and gave him a small smile which caused Win to quickly look away and talk to Love beside him. He huffed in irritation. It was a little ironic that they were dressed in opposing colors this time. Bright thought the cream color of his clothes set off his hair and his skin so nicely… the only downside was that Bright was finding the delightful picture incredibly distracting. _Focus_ …

Bright heard a familiar voice, one he could have happily spent his evening without hearing. He looked towards the source of the voices and recognized one of Mike and Drake’s guests was someone he thought he’d never see again - Mia, in a simple mask, that hair was a staple anywhere. She was squealing and hugging Green on the dance floor

Bright stole a sidelong glance at Win. He looked a little panicked himself, and Bright felt the tension fade into amusement as he watched the pink hue around his cheeks. He could tell when Win was more than a little buzzed. Win looked towards him and upon their eyes meeting, went back to Love and refused to look at him again.

Bright’s expression didn't change, but inwardly he frowned. His patience was running thin. It wasn't that he hadn't expected the silent treatment, but the jealousy was threatening to overtake his cool exterior. A fierce protectiveness rose in his chest.

Suddenly, the music got cut off and Green stood in the middle of the dance floor with a microphone in his hands. “Okay guys,” started Green, getting out a flask of his own. “I’m too drunk to drag this out but we fucking made it! Cheers to all of us! And to one long, long night of debauchery. Cheers to us for making it this far. Bottoms up and let’s party!” Another mainstream song came on, and everyone excitedly started dancing once again on the dance floor, Khaotung quickly pulled on Gigie and Nanan to the crowd.

Noticing this, Bright calmly walked towards Win and caught his arm, linking it casually with his own. Win was startled by Bright suddenly taking his arm and he colored a little, despite himself. He tried to jerk his arm back, but Bright clamped his arm hard to his side, trapping him in place without visible outward effort.

He used his free hand to pull out the small flask on his pocket, casually giving it to Win. “Have some.” He pushed open the cap, and placed the bottle tip right on his lips. His body language and expression sent a clear message of unequivocal possession and Love gave them a curious look before she turned mildly disappointed, quickly losing interest and going to join the rest of her friends on the dance floor. She got the possessiveness loud and clear, if not the reason for it.

Win jerked back a few paces like someone who had been forced to kiss a poisonous snake. He shot Bright a glare, rubbing his tingling lip with his fingers. “What the hell, Bright!”

Bright was mildly amused as he looked over the younger boy.

"Don't do that again!" Win hissed quietly, at least having the sense to keep his voice down low enough that only Bright would hear him. Bright ignored the outburst and smirked as he considered just how much he missed this giant fluff ball.

Bright’s intense attention irritated Win all the more. "Are you listening to me? Act like I'm your... your date again and I'll punch you," he muttered, still flushed in embarrassment at being paraded around like Bright’s latest acquisition. He already knew what Gigie thought of them, she had given him signs the day before. If he'd passed that notion on to any of the others here... Win grimaced, stubbornly fighting a losing battle with his hot, tingling cheeks.

“I missed you too,” Bright teased, smirking and casually leaning back against the wall.

Win colored again and turned on his heels, walking away from Bright hoping his heart calmed down a little. He resisted the urge to fan himself, feeling a bit warm as his gaze wandered the room. He felt strangely hot and really could use some fresh air

He resisted a few stubborn, heartsick moments longer, but he could feel Bright following behind him, watching him and finally he slowly gave in. What was the point, anyway? They had to talk eventually.

Turning around, Win felt his heart jump slightly, gaze immediately drawn to Bright’s exposed face. Oh God... he knew Bright was good looking, but did his whole body have to respond so hard to the sight? It had to be the alcohol, by now taking hold of his judgement. He was sure of it.

“Listen, we need to talk.” Win’s voice started to pick up the volume. He stopped himself when he noticed some curious glances directed at them.

Win instantly quietened down and Bright could feel that Win was going to start struggling through his words and quickly stopped him. “Drink this.” Bright murmured. He doubted Win had ever had absinthe liquor before, but this was a safe place for him to test his untried tolerance for the powerful concoction.

Win was distracted and irritated enough that he took a sip of the drink Bright had given him without really paying much attention to what it was first, except that it looked emerald green.

Win choked and swallowed quickly, shooting a swift glance towards Bright to find the musician looking at him with that damned quietly amused look of his.

"What the hell is this?" Win demanded quietly, looking at the emerald liquid warily now.

Bright managed not to laugh. He wanted to though. "It's just absinthe, Win. It won't hurt you. Unless you drink too much of it.

"Absinthe?" Win queried accusingly. “Like that one drink that makes you hallucinate?

“Only if you drink too much. It’s used as a medicine. It’s made with plants. I’ve had it before and I’m still alive.” the look on Win’s face said he thought Bright had given him poison and Bright cut his explanation short. "Just drink it.”

Win paused and sniffed the glass slightly, reluctant at the thought of drinking something that powerful

Unable to hide his smile anymore, Bright gave up and looked away. "Okay, if you're afraid, don't drink it then. I can get you some of the kiddie punch, would you like that better?" he inquired with mild exasperation. Somehow Bright didn't think he was going to have the chance to be bored at this rate

Win didn't dignify that with an answer, a familiar stubborn set coming over his features as he silently took a deep gulp of the strange alcohol. It was disturbingly sweet, actually, so it wasn't like he had to force himself to drink it. It was just... strong.

The effects of the previous glasses had snuck up on him, and the last thing he wanted to do was seriously hamper his judgement but he drank on anyway. Besides, he was not going to give Bright a reason to start smirking at him again.

Win was having a hard time getting his heart to slow down. The alcohol he'd consumed was working against him and it was a dozen times harder than it should have been to just stand there.

For a moment a vague unease fingered through Win as he felt his vision blur.

“I’m going outside for a bit.” Win commented. Part of him knew Bright would follow after him. After a few minutes of walking through the crowds, they went out to the back door and stepped outside. The air felt cool on his skin and Win felt dizzy and nervous all at the same time as he stumbled along. The music, the voices and the smell of alcohol faded as Bright and Win left the patio behind, delving deeper into the gardens until they were alone in an area of the grounds where the gardens met up with the side of the hotel.

Bright pushed Win back against the brick wall and let him lean there, closing his eyes as multiple Brights danced across his vision. Win shoved the musician’s hands away from him and Bright backed off a pace, looking away.

Bright closed his eyes, his heart clenching painfully with regret. He felt like crap. Was it any wonder Win was acting like this? It was his fault, after all. The two of them were quiet. Bright slowly reached out and grabbed a stick off the ground and poked at grass, unsure of what to do or say. Win still couldn’t bring himself to look at Bright and kept his eyes on the area that he was picking at.

Win chuckled darkly behind him. “Just going to keep pretending and acting like everything's okay and you're not going to..." Win swallowed convulsively. He was at the end of his rope and the alcohol only seemed to intensify his emotions.

“I shouldn't be surprised.” Bright finally looked up, catching Win’s eyes blazing with pain and hopelessness as he looked at the musician still crouching on the ground, silently staring at him with such a calm and serene expression on his face it made Win want to throw punches. “Why this huge, elaborate game, Bright? Why? You get off of toying with me, is that it?!” Win was almost shouting, his voice and emotions bleeding raw, Bright could see the tears streaking down his cheeks right underneath his masked eyes.

Bright was speechless by the outburst. He understood Win was angry but these things he was saying... He stared at Win, blinking numbly, stupidly, a horrible, sinking feeling winding through his chest and making it hard to breathe.

Pain seared through Bright, so harshly he couldn't even form any kind of reply to the anguished accusations. It didn't matter, Win was still speaking. The floodgates seemed to have opened and he had to get it all out or drown under the current. “I understand now. You don't have to pretend like you care anymore.”

Bright met Win’s eyes and felt almost overwhelmed by the way he was looking at him. Win's brown eyes burned with a passion that was almost feverish as he stared at Bright, waiting for him to speak.

Bright was at an uncharacteristic loss. He didn't know what to say, how to react, how to try to tell Win how wrong he was. He took a step forward and Win shrunk back against the wall.

“Bright… I can't do this anymore…” Win’s shoulders shook and he wrapped his arms around his chest, half holding them, half hugging himself as if to keep from falling apart. He could see the beginnings of some kind of denial on Bright’s face and he didn't think he could bear to listen to any more deception. "Don't do this to me. Don't lie to me, don't pretend like you care. You and I both know where I really stand." Win dropped his eyes. He was trembling.

"Win," he said quietly. “Just-"

"Just what?!" Win clenched his fist tightly around his sides. Damn it! He couldn't do this anymore! He couldn't... it was breaking him.

“Just listen! Win... no..." Bright’s mind was reeling, he had no idea what to address first, how to start, pain and horror stripped him of his usual composure and he felt clumsy and stupid. “I want you,” Bright insisted. “Fuck, that’s the only thing I do know.” he protested, desperate to be believed. His voice cracked. He ached to touch Win... to reassure him... he reached out almost unconsciously and Win flinched. Bright quickly dropped his hand again, fighting a losing battle against the shameful tears that he no longer seemed to have any control over.

Win just looked at Bright in shock, incomprehension and a small, desperate flicker of hope tracing behind his brown eyes.

“Win, if there is one thing I am sure of that is for the feelings I have for you.”Bright continued. For the first time, his voice sounded weak. The confidence Win was so used to seeing in Bright’s face was gone. Instead, his brown eyes stared at him almost fearfully, making Win's heart sink low in his chest as his own tears fell.

Win’s eyes locked in wary incomprehension on the older boy. He was too broken, too vulnerable to be played again. He couldn't afford it. If Bright was lying to him now... taunting him with this precious, unheard of hope... Win would not survive the trip back to reality. Not this time. He couldn't take anymore.

Bright took another step towards him. “I'm sorry, but this... this is frightening for me, Win," he confessed, no longer caring about the weakness he divulged. "I depend on you so much... I-I don't know how to understand or come to grips with whatever it is we are to one another. I... I did consider ending it briefly," he admitted, ashamed, but knowing that Win deserved and obviously needed the truth from him. "But even my family could see it was a mistake, that it wasn't what I wanted. I promise.” he whispered hoarsely around the hard, remembering Fong's words. “I would never toy with you... I can’t do that to you. I won’t.”

Win blinked, still a little dizzy and trying to absorb everything. He was so upset right now... he didn't want to hear Bright’s excuses and justifications. Yet at the same time, Win didn't know how to refute what he was saying, didn't know how to fight that damnable logic. When the musician put it like that... it almost made a sickening kind of sense. And Win did not want it to make sense.

Win pushed away from the wall, looking away as he crossed his arms over his chest, almost pulling into himself in a closed posture.

He felt himself reflected in those words. Frightened of this strange dependence, trying to pull away from it only to find that was impossible. It struck a deep chord in him to realize in shock that Bright had actually been feeling the same way. Half-formed relief tugged at Win’s gut, sharp and painful in its agonized uncertainty. Would he believe this? What his heart was so incredibly desperate to believe?

He didn't know how he could ever believe what Bright said... he shouldn't believe it, given their track record... but there was something so intensely sincere and honest about the pain, shock and remorse in Bright’s eyes, that Win could not believe he was simply lying even through the alcohol in his veins.

The admission of fault in a situation that had hurt him so much too was bitterly hard for him, but at the moment, horror and heartache was severely trumping pride.

Bright didn't know how he could ever make this whole mess right. But he understood how the mess had come to be in the first place, and how Win could think like this.

The musician took a few steps closer to Win. Hesitantly, he reached out and touched his sleeve lightly. Win tensed, but at least he didn't retreat this time.

It was Win’s turn to stare at Bright in utter shock. It was enough of a surprise that Bright was apologizing to him, but the rest of it... Everything in him wanted to grab onto what he said. Wanted to pull it into himself and hold it like an unexpected lifeline. But it was too good to be true... too much exactly what he wanted to hear yet could never have imagined he would. How much foolish hope could he dare believe at one time? He was so confused.

“I’m not going to let you end it like this,” Bright finally whispered when Win hadn’t spoken. “If you’re going to end it, you’re going to end it like a man. Tell me that you don’t care about me. Tell me that you don’t feel something when we kiss. Tell me that you don’t want me and I’ll get out of your personal life.”

Staring at Bright, seeing the familiarfeatures of his mouth that deepened when he smiled and feeling that familiar, almost radiating warmth, was unforgettable. Ending it wouldn’t erase the things that they’d done together, wouldn’t remove the memories or the way his kisses tasted. The thought of just saying goodbye to him seemed impossible.

After seconds that felt like hours, Win slowly shook his head.

Bright sighed in relief. “Here,” said Bright, giving into his desires and reaching out to wipe the tears from underneath Win’s mark with his sleeve. It didn’t fucking matter. No one was going to come over anyway.

They were standing so close together. Bright dried all the tear streaks softly and Win shut his eyes to prevent any fabric from entering them. Bright’s heart suddenly began to beat in his chest and it had nothing to do with the argument they just had or the party a couple of meters from where they were standing.

His attention kept going to the pale curve of pink lips directly in front of him. Bright's hands paused mid caress, and he slowly reached out and pushed Win’s mask up just enough that it exposed his face, revealing the full lines of his nose and finally his almond shaped eyes. Win felt Bright’s breath hot on his face right before their mouths met

They were standing on the grass, barely hidden from everyone else by the thick branches of the trees, and they were being fucking stupid, but it didn’t matter. Standing so close to one another, after all the torture they'd endured together, was sending both boys over the edge.

Bright’s hands were on Win’s hips, pulling him closer so that their bodies didn’t even have an inch to spare apart from one another. He pushed him flat against the wall, kissing him hungrily as his tongue chased the warmth of another. 

Win pushed his mask fully off, letting it fall to the dirt beside them. He slowly turned them around so that he was the one trapping Bright against the wall. He could feel Bright smiling as he kissed him and blushed once he felt Bright’s hands gently slide down his back.

Win pulled away, taking labored breaths and he licked his lips as he stared at the older boy, “What is this then?”

Bright seemed hesitant, arms still wrapped around the younger's waist. “What do you mean?”

He struggled to find the right words and he hated that it was so fucking difficult for him, but the alcohol gave him all the liquid courage he needed. “I don’t know… maybe we should…I dunno…try…”

“Try…?”

Win licked his lips. “Being…I dunno…together.”

Bright’s eyes watched him carefully. “Like…?”

Win simply nodded. He swallowed the lump that formed in his throat. “Look, I’m not saying that we should exchange cards on Valentine’s Day or some shit but I am saying that maybe things would be easier if we stopped pretending we’re just friends. I have friends, alright? And we don’t do the things we do together.”

Bright thought it over, remembering Fong's words once more and realizing this was the best outcome he could have gotten tonight. “So, then we’re together? Together, together.”

Win hesitated before he nodded once more. “If you want to.”

Bright ran his hands through his hair. “Fuck, of course I want to. Wait - how did we go from you ending it to this?”

“Fuck off,” Win growled but there was a smile on Bright’s face.

“Are you for real?”

“I think so…”

The two boys just stood there and stared at each other. “So then what does _this_ mean?” asked Bright.

Win shrugged. “I still don’t know." Win smiled, and he swore the butterflies in his stomach were as drunk as he was as they fluttered around madly. Bright missed that more than he thought. “ But it’s not nothing. Not anymore.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The first arc of this story is finally done and I am so excited for the next arc. Thanks for sticking with me. Your messages and comments keep inspiring me to push this farther and farther.

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: No, I do not know if things happened as I wrote them but I wish it had. M/M! This will turn mature in later chapters.
> 
> Your feedback is always inspiring me to continue. Thank you!


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